Excellence Above Talent Podcast

Evolving Masculinity: Building a Society of Accountable, Authentic Men

June 09, 2023 Aaron Thomas Season 2 Episode 8
Excellence Above Talent Podcast
Evolving Masculinity: Building a Society of Accountable, Authentic Men
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Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers
What does it truly mean to be a man in today's society, and how can we take responsibility for bettering the state of manhood? Join us, Aaron Thomas, Patrick Mackie, and Kenzie Clifton, as we embark on an eye-opening journey to redefine manhood and explore the responsibilities of men in society, from the impact of absent fathers to the importance of self-respect and confidence.

Throughout this episode, we discuss the urgent need for men to hold each other accountable and engage in honest, straightforward conversations. We delve into the shocking statistics surrounding men's suicide rates and the societal pressures that contribute to them. We also examine the power dynamics in relationships, discussing women's choice in partners and the misconception of men as the enemy.

As we navigate through these thought-provoking topics, we share insights on personal growth and the importance of authenticity, both online and offline. We emphasize the power of words, the significance of embracing the journey of life, and the necessity of maintaining a balance between genders. Let's come together to build a better understanding of manhood and create a society where men are heard, appreciated, and supported.
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Speaker 1: You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, aaron Thomas.

Speaker 2: What's up, my beautiful people? Aaron Thomas, with Excellence Above Talent, i'm here with Patrick and Kenzie. I'm going to let them introduce themselves, tell us a little bit about them and then we'll get into the subject matter of today.

Speaker 3: My name is Patrick Mackie man. I'm 31 years old. here in Odessa, texas, i'm a Value Stream Manager at an oil field supply store called McCarty Equipment. Aaron Odessa has been there for nine years about ten.

Speaker 1: Me and Kenzie known each other since sixth grade, junior high.

Speaker 3: First, when I got here in Odessa, i moved here from Houston. This was the first black dude I met.

Speaker 2: Ain't a lot of us out here.

Speaker 3: And Skankland on Friday. I was excited. I was like I did not know those black people in Odessa. I was like I was pretty sure there were a few of us. We've been rocking ever since then, man. Just the emergence of podcasts and listening to these themes and Kenzie throwing a hit one day that, hey, we should make our own podcast. We've done something like this back in the day without even knowing it and that just rung in my head. Why not take our stab? better than here we are.

Speaker 4: My name is Kenzie Clifton, i'm 31. I'm from Odessa, texas. I'm a barber as well as a school teacher. I teach a barbering class at Ector. I've been doing that for a year. I've been cutting hair since I was 14. But legally two years. But, like Pat said, we just taking our stab at the podcast, getting to see how it is Okay, so let me I told y'all the first question, but I lied.

Speaker 2: So, are y'all thinking about getting into the podcasting industry? Yeah for sure, right now. All right, do y'all know what y'all are going to be talking about or doing, or are you just trying to figure it out right now?

Speaker 4: Generally he's really whatever is necessarily, i'll say, like multiple topics multiple different topics.

Speaker 3: Got you Nothing too like TMZ-ish, and that We don't want to be a gossip column No meaning to take it, we don't want to do nothing, like the Shade Room and stuff like that, but just speaking on multiple topics. really want to be, like, more fan driven. What are the people want to hear? Let's talk about. what do y'all want to discuss? You know what?

Speaker 2: I'm saying What's up, man? All right, so we'll just jump into it. My first question to y'all is what do y'all think the state of manhood is Okay? so the state?

Speaker 4: of manhood. I don't think it's where it should be, i think, because a lot of us we, a lot of us didn't have our fathers in it, so we didn't see an example of a man in our lives. even though we might have had our uncles or grandpas or whatever in our life, most of us didn't have a dad in the home. So most of our mothers did a great job to raise us to be great adults, but it takes a man to raise a man, because we have to see a man. So, like now, i feel like the state of manhood is kind of weak, so to speak. you know, yeah, but I do feel like it's the conversation is starting to begin to push men towards being men Man, i think it is in a horrible state, right now, i'm lying.

Speaker 2: I'm lying, that was strange.

Speaker 3: It is crazy Some of the things that I see it made me growing up. Like Kithy said, i grew up I didn't have a father, but I was always around my uncles and my grandfather, just like the sparring differences in between watching these men and the way that they handle their business and the way they would about things. What we have now is insane. I think it's men's fault too, but the beauty of that is that it's also men's responsibility to fix it and understand.

Speaker 1: And.

Speaker 3: I think a lot of it. The root of it, like Kithy said, not having a father in our home, not understanding what it is to be a man and letting I mean a woman tell you what it is to be a man. We know that's not going to work. You can't. You know when it can raise a man and be a man, that says you're going to take him so far.

Speaker 3: But I think a lot of that. Root of that is just men not having like self-respect for themselves and having the confidence and understanding, like your true power is a man, of things that you can do and accomplish. You just let in the world sway you in multiple different ways. Living on the internet Like you know you need to tap back into reality Like it's wild right now. I think it's wild.

Speaker 4: I feel like a lot of that starts when you're young, like for me for example. I didn't feel like I started to walk into becoming a man until I was a kid. But I look at some of my other counterparts that might be for races or maybe the same race, but not as many, and it seemed like they caught on to it early. A lot of it has to do with growing up But, like Pat said, a lot of it is it's on us. You know what I'm saying. Got to take it kind of, but yeah, it's our job to become a man, but not only for us to become man. We have to be manning for the generations that are following.

Speaker 2: It's funny you say that because I would say 32 was kind of when I started. It sounds harsh to a lot of people, but I mean I was a bitch ass nigga Straight up.

Speaker 4: Straight up.

Speaker 2: I just didn't know. You know there's a lot of bitch assness in me And I had to one sit back and be like I ain't bro, like I don't want to be this way, and I started like chipping at, like all the things that I felt made me a bitch ass nigga, and so then I started to work on all those things.

Speaker 2: Like to me as a man. if you don't know how to control your emotions or feelings, then you're not a man. You're still a little boy trying to figure it out, And for a long time I didn't know how to control emotions or feelings, or I thought this is how I needed to act to, like you know, prove myself to society.

Speaker 2: And then I realized like man that don't make you a man, that don't make you anything. But I feel like a lot of times society has taught you know young men, and just men in general, like you know, be violent, be aggressive, versus learn how to be violent and aggressive but know how to control it. And so that's kind of whenever I start to realize you know, controlling all of the things that go on, that goes on within me, made me more powerful than this trying to go out there and just let it all out And to bounce off of that.

Speaker 4: I feel like masculinity is shamed for sure. So like we're not necessarily like they tell us be, open, but they don't teach us how to.

Speaker 4: So if you just tell it just your average boy or young man to be open to his emotions and he don't know how to do that. It's going to come out in a counterproductive way. So, like I feel like another thing, like for me as well. Like you said, i couldn't control my emotions, like I was snap or like if I was getting into certain things. Even when it comes to when it comes to interacting with women and having different arguments with women, i wasn't being in a masculine frame like I should. You know what I'm saying. I was spazzing and acting feminine. So, so to speak, you know.

Speaker 5: I was watching Hose and Wall giving them the reaction they want.

Speaker 3: Yeah, breaking phones, breaking phones, they've never been in before.

Speaker 2: They've never been in before.

Speaker 1: So you brought them out.

Speaker 2: I think it's key and see if I can remember it. It damn, it came to me and I lost it. So they tell us, as men, to be emotional and show off feelings more. but I've realized that a lot of some females I can't say a lot, it'll be 50-50 maybe, but there are some females when you express yourself to them, they make you feel less that And so that there is a, i guess, confusion. you know, when it comes to like, you know women saying like be emotional, express yourself, and when you are emotional, you express yourself, don't do it.

Speaker 1: Yeah, don't do it.

Speaker 2: So, so then you didn't have to find, I guess, the balance of what you can and can't tell her, or when you can and can't be emotional, because you still have to be emotional to a standard. But I mean, i've learned that she can't handle all of it as a woman And people, you know people, people get counseled because they can't say the shit that they want to say Or like me saying like a woman can't take what I'm trying to give her.

Speaker 2: you know, emotionally as much or all of what I'm giving her because she just stopped built for it And there's nothing wrong with saying that, but you also have to have another outlet, and I think a lot of issues that men have is we don't know how to create relationships in order to express ourselves in a different outlet. So it's, i can only give my woman so much, but I can't keep that shit in either. Who do I go talk to about it? You know, do I have somebody to go talk to about it? Do you think that is something that you know? men struggle with creating relationships with other men to be vulnerable.

Speaker 3: Oh yeah, definitely, i believe a huge part of it, like I'm part of like to go back to what you initially said, i think the biggest part of like you being emotional as a man towards a woman and not being received well, a lot of women want a man to be emotional when it's convenient for them And that's a big disconnect there. You know what I'm saying. So you think it's an okay to be emotional all the time and let me be expressive, like she asked me to be, but that's not actually the case. It was just a beneficial moment for her. But I mean, you got to talk, to talk that out with your partner. You know that has to be a form of communication. Like if I'm gonna be expressive, you're gonna have to know how to handle that. Or don't ask me, got you For sure.

Speaker 3: And, like you said, it's definitely, i think, a lot of men, especially if you didn't come up around men or you wasn't, you know father, uncle's, grandfather you don't have like a connection with men.

Speaker 3: It's hard to want to be open emotionally to another man, like I wonder if I can tell him what's really going on in my life, the problems, the hardships I'm having, and he can give me advice or is he just going to judge me? or you know a lot of people. I feel like they have problems with that and they don't do it. But I think eventually you're going to have to do it or it's going to be a big negative in your life because you can't just keep everything inside. You know you have to have some form of a healthy outlet and I feel like for men that would the best outlet is another man, you know emotionally, but you know particularly, probably older there's been two life that can give you advice and those are what stages you're in and where you at and can give you that advice. You know to go on and move better from what they've learned.

Speaker 4: I thought that is crazy because, like, it's been times where when it's a woman, i'm there and give her that, then she's kind of standoff and show I'm sitting there, like what did I do wrong? You know what I'm saying. So then the next time it comes around where I need to be I'm not, then that creates a some form of a imbalance. Yeah So, but no, i agree with Pat. Like I think the best thing for us is other men Like the good thing about our generation. I feel like we're more expressive when it comes to talking to other men about our problems because, like I know I can go to Pat, i can go to any of my close friends and say stuff that I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable talking to my significant other or even my mother and my sister just because they've never been in a man's shoes.

Speaker 4: You know, i feel like it's been even times me, my mom and sister have conversations and they can't understand where I'm coming from, because I'm a man and I got to break it down to them. Then they'll understand me. But coming and speaking to a man on that, he already understands.

Speaker 2: You know, i think, what is happening and we talk about. You know the state of manhood. I also think it's not in a good state, but I kind of what y'all are saying is, if a man come and talk to another man about his issues, ask a man fix that shit or shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5: Don't just talk to him. Damn, we are not just here.

Speaker 2: I'm not from the city here in Latin let you talk.

Speaker 2: Like if you come to me four times and it's the fourth issue. I'm calling you names. Stop being a pussy, stop being a little. It's not like a negative thing, it's just like, bro, you got to stop coming to me with the same shit. Fix it, and I will help you with trying to, you know, fix it. But you better not come to me next week with this same problem because at the end of the day and I think a lot of dudes know that they just can't come and have that conversation because they're going to have to fix themselves.

Speaker 2: And a lot of people don't want to fix themselves. They just want to complain about the problems And I think because I'm a little brother, we have these conversations. If I'm acting like a little bitch, he'll let me know. Hey, bro, you acting like this, i might hang up the phone, click and I'll be sitting in my feelings and I'm like you was right, yeah, i'm here, he was right. You know what I mean. I picked up the phone, you right, bro. I appreciate you. Like. That makes you stronger as a man. We knew that And you didn't. There's ways you can do it. You don't got to call. Like I'm very straightforward.

Speaker 2: If I'm acting like one, tell me some dudes might fill some type of way if you call them the different names, that you might have to say a little nice.

Speaker 2: But if I'm acting like one, you let me know, imagine you let me know and I'll have that conversation and try to fix it. But I think that's one of the biggest issues we'll have as men is we're not in these circles saying like bro, why are you talking to your wife like that? Or bro, why are you putting your hands on your girl like that, like what's the reason for doing that?

Speaker 5: And I do like always, not done my business.

Speaker 2: Well, it is your business, because that not only affects her, it affects him and it affects everybody. Yeah, so, and if you're at my homie and we're supposed to be kicking it and you're doing stupid shit, i'm gonna let you know about it. And it should be vice versa You should let me know about it. But I think a lot of dudes are afraid to have those conversations. Yeah, you know what I mean, and I think it stouts man from like being more open and vulnerable and just being like hey, like I'm trying to figure this shit out too, but you got to stop doing what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, because you got to hold each other accountable.

Speaker 4: For sure. Yeah, because, as man like, it's like you were saying when we're not like, if we, just if my homie was calling me up, he just me being your emotional band-aid isn't gonna help you get further in life, for sure. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'm more concerned of how can I help give advice that's going to help you better yourself or further your or yourself, not just trying to make you feel better about the situation, because if you feel better, okay you feel better, but you might go back and do the same thing, you know? Yeah, yeah, i agree Totally.

Speaker 2: So the suicide rate? so men are 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide than women. I believe 94 men take their lives every single day. Why, Like? what do you think that is Like? why?

Speaker 1: do you think that's happening? What is like?

Speaker 2: going on with men that they feel like they have to take that step in life.

Speaker 4: Oh well, i feel like the world the world has made well, not even the world the West has made it where, being a man, you have to shut up and yeah. So. Like where you could say out of my stuff to men, and men are supposed to shut up and you can't feel away about it, even if it's negative, it's wrong and doesn't matter, whereas, like with women, so and so so anything wrong.

Speaker 1: You say anything wrong here, you know.

Speaker 4: Yeah, all that type of stuff, But for men, we're just talking to shut up and deal with it. So that's what a lot of men end up doing. But we're human. It's only so much you can take.

Speaker 3: So some men after a while it's just too much to take You also like big big part of it, is just being underappreciated under the amount of pressure that a man is under.

Speaker 2: Say that one more time. What's?

Speaker 3: being underappreciated is the amount of pressure that a man is under. Yeah, because we all know as men, no one is going to understand what we deal with but us. We can explain it, we can write books about it. They still going to read it and discredit it and say, hey, it's not that much.

Speaker 3: But, when you, under that amount of pressure, you feel underappreciated And then, like you said, you don't have those bonds with other men or healthy emotional release and you let all that build up. There's no telling what you may do. You know what I'm saying. And that's why I feel like every man you got to really just get a lot of self-respect and your confidence. Man, man got to be men again.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 3: You got to understand the world is going to be hard. You only going to have yourself. You going to be expected to do it. Big part of it is men fully are understanding. Now that you know, yeah, you are going to be love measured on what you have to offer. If you are a man, if you're not providing nothing, the world is going to show you real quick what they think about it. So all of that pressure and being underappreciated man, some of the men will crack under that pressure. This was the only outlet I felt like I had. I feel like if you just get somebody to talk to man, find you a healthy emotional release, you going to be all right, like you can make it much further than what you want.

Speaker 2: Man. So I just had a conversation with somebody last week and she was talking about how a lot of women put this financial pressure or burden on men. And if a man is a good father taking care of his kids, you know emotionally, you know present with her and the kids, physically present with her and the kids.

Speaker 2: A lot of women don't even see that because if he's struggling financially or if he's not bringing in enough, that's the only thing that she's on his head about, right And like when you said you know, men aren't appreciated enough. When we talk about the things that men have to do and bring to the table, finances is one part of it, but if a man is bringing something mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually.

Speaker 2: He's bringing all that onto the table as well and all that's getting ignored. Then he gets into a space of like all I gotta do is just go out there and work, work, work, work, work, work, work, provide, provide, provide. But you know, we as human creatures was not created just to go out there and just do.

Speaker 1: Like me. Personally, I feel like that.

Speaker 2: That's why men are having issues and that, you know, putting guns to their head and jumping off buildings and things, because it's we were meant to have like those connections. But a lot of times we've, you know, we're pushing to like just go out there and work, you know, 12, 16 hours. Come home, bring me the money, we'll take care of the rest.

Speaker 5: But then after a while. That's not enough.

Speaker 2: Now your wife and kids are saying like, hey, you're never home And if I want you to be, so it's just. There's a work, there's a balance or imbalance that that men are, you know, having issues with. And I tell you, know, I tell people now, in my first marriage there was imbalance. I feel like I just have to go out there and just, you know, provide and take care and do, because that's what you know, that's what a man was, That's what my dad and my grandpa and you know they won't like just go out there and provide, But that providing shit after a while.

Speaker 2: It doesn't fulfill you enough. Like okay providing isn't just what like.

Speaker 1: That's not who I am as a man Like yeah, I'm more than that.

Speaker 2: But society has put us in this box of like all you do is provide, but it's simply not. It's simply not it. But if you're a man and you do more than just provide, then it's looked at. It's like, oh, he's doing a bare minimum. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate it When women walk around talking about you're doing the bare minimum. No, i'm fucking doing it. Yeah, so I need this back, say thank you and then let's move on, because if I'm doing the bare minimum, so are you? Like what makes you so gifted to her? Like what you do is different than what I'm doing? So, man, that fives me up. For sure. Men are not doing the bare minimum. We're going over and beyond and we're trying to figure this stuff out. And, like you said, it's not being seen Like dudes don't get flowers. No, a woman is not going to spend her money on you. Dudes, don't get it.

Speaker 5: They don't get it and that stuff. But I'm starting to realize like bro, like that, shit matters too.

Speaker 2: Show me that you appreciate me, show me that you see me, because I'm human too And I want to be seen and appreciate just as much as I'm trying to appreciate and see you.

Speaker 4: And if you don't, then, yeah, Because it's been past relationships I've been in to where like she would want me to take and he prays her for certain stuff she was doing. But when the shoe was on the other foot and I was like, hey, I'm doing this and doing that, She would be like okay, like want a cookie? Yeah, And I'm like I'm like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 4: So I'm supposed to point out and take it and notice and show my appreciation for what you're doing. But what I'm doing is supposed to be automatically expected, you know Yeah. I mean you should be done. But why should? why is it that you're supposed to be praised and I'm just supposed to do it?

Speaker 2: naturally, You know, because women think they better. And then it's. You know people walk around like, oh, like you know to be a man, you know it's easier, or you know they try to look down, and I think I'm at a place where it's just pure frustration. It's stupid When women run around and say men ain't shit. And I scratch my head because the men who ain't shit are the same men that you're fucking picking. So all men ain't the same.

Speaker 4: And so then you went around and you picked five horrible dudes right.

Speaker 2: And three of them gave you kids. you know that ain't taking care of their kids. And now you're running around hurting and pain, talking about dudes ain't shit. There's a lot of good dudes out here trying to figure it out and be better and do better, but you don't see any of that because in your head you're already running around like you know, dudes ain't nothing, but you're not taking accountability of, like the fact that, like you chose all these dudes, who wasn't shit So?

Speaker 4: is it the dudes who ain't shit, or is it you who ain't shit? No, no, no decision making, yeah, exactly If you talk about that?

Speaker 2: it's like whoa, whoa.

Speaker 3: that's hard, But it's not made the same wrong choice Five times repeatedly. Come on now.

Speaker 4: Five times If I, if I, if I died of hope and the red flags are there for sure.

Speaker 5: And I ignore them.

Speaker 4: Women are going to be. Oh, he didn't know They're going to be. Like no, you're stupid, you're. You know the red flags are there for sure. So like why is it I got to take accountability for speaking horribly.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 4: But it's an excuse for you. Yeah, you know it's not. Yes, everybody accounts Everybody. Everybody We keep in means Yeah.

Speaker 3: I'm holding everybody accountable for what they did. That's the way the world works.

Speaker 2: For sure.

Speaker 3: I just held accountable for everything I do, yeah, so I'm going to hold you accountable for everything For sure.

Speaker 2: And then you know again, everyone gets upset and angry. But it's just like well you know, if I do something bad, you're going to come and let me know, and if you do something bad I can't say nothing to you, because that's just not how it's supposed to be.

Speaker 1: I think it was. Yeah, i should be able to be like, hey, like after a while.

Speaker 2: It's not just, it's not just the dudes you're picking, It's it's you, It's the choices that you're taking. You're the only one, yeah, every six of their people.

Speaker 3: Out of five people, you're the only one in every situation. Yeah.

Speaker 2: You can't keep saying it's me who are the common denominator.

Speaker 4: Yeah, and like about what you said, should we say and do three times.

Speaker 5: Yeah.

Speaker 4: That happens repeatedly. I see it so much For sure, And it's like like, why do you think this time is going to be different For?

Speaker 2: sure You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4: It's your fault at the end of the day.

Speaker 2: And then there's there's a stat going out that most not most, i can't hate most some women are having sex with the same guy. So there's multiple, there's multiple women having sex with the same guy because they think that that guy is going to take them out of whatever financial struggles or issues that they have. And there's a lot of good dudes out there who are, you know, working and providing and might not have like that, you know so much money, but they're able to take them and help them.

Speaker 2: you know, live a good life, But women don't see that because they're chasing after this one dude and he's running around smashing seven of them, and then they're running around saying well, dudes, ain't shit.

Speaker 3: Because they all with the same dude, because they are running around the same dude.

Speaker 4: Of course they are, of course they're true.

Speaker 2: Yeah, it just blew my mind. I think you know there was talking about one third of men or single, or virgins, or simply not having sex, yeah. Because years.

Speaker 4: For sure.

Speaker 2: Because it's because women aren't looking for women are looking for a specific person or a specific man. And if they're they don't find that, then they all chase after this one dude. Then it's one dude. I mean no, he's back back in the day, not now, but back in the day. If 10 of you were chasing me, all 10 of you getting knocked down All 10 of you getting knocked down All 10 of you getting knocked down Straight up, Fuck your mind.

Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, All 10 of you. You chasing me. I wasn't looking for you, but you're going to chase me. Hey, well, what's up then If there's a buts? but it's just one of those things now where you know. Now I know what I think, Like I know I'm chasing and yeah.

Speaker 2: So I did something a couple of weeks ago and it's a lot of dudes. I learned it from a pimp on TikTok. He said a lot of dudes are running around here chasing after a female, and that's how I feel dudes become sent Absolutely. If you chase after someone, you give them their power.

Speaker 2: You give them the power because, you're chasing, and so they have the power to pick and choose how they, how they, how they use you or how they. You know what, what they're going to do with you. And so, if, if and it's crazy because most of my life I was taught you got to chase, chase after this. You know the fine one, this girl that you got to chase after, and the one that likes you like.

Speaker 1: Okay, i'll put her, i'll put it right here.

Speaker 2: You know what I mean, and so I'll go and chase, and then you know, and nothing happened. I'm going to come back, you know, you know, and she'll be here, but hell she might have gotten, you know, swept up by another dude, you know type deal.

Speaker 2: So it's one of those things now where you know paying attention to who gives you energy versus trying to, you know, chase after somebody or something that you think would make you feel good. Cause that's kind of you know why a lot of times I would chase after, like all my homies Yeah, i bring her one. They all want to smash. I want to smash, boom.

Speaker 2: You know what I mean Truth. But then she went out of your home and was like, okay, who the next one? Because, like she want loyal, cause I went out and I would chase after She want loyal. So if I ever mess up, it's a wrap.

Speaker 4: She wants the next one. It's crazy that you said that about the pimp Cause I even heard a pimp say that. he said I live by pimp principle. I like who likes me.

Speaker 1: And that's true.

Speaker 4: Cause that makes it so much smoother. Cause there's mutual interest. Cause like there's literally women on tiktok talking about food, I can call it money. So, like you said, if you chasing after her, you probably get stuck in one of those categories.

Speaker 2: You know Yeah.

Speaker 3: I remember what you was a couple of weeks ago. I think I just took his a couple of weeks ago. So I never aim to be a woman's boyfriend. I always aim to be her favorite, for sure. The favorite is to do whatever he wants for me. I don't have to answer no questions.

Speaker 4: Cause there's no possibility. You gotta know that.

Speaker 3: When the woman likes you, she will bend every rule she has. She will do whatever you want to do. Whatever It's fact, it's a fact. So that's why I love women that, like me, they think I walk on water.

Speaker 2: For sure. Oh my God, yeah, that's why I'm sad For sure.

Speaker 3: When you chase someone, I feel like you, literally. when you chase someone, you're literally saying you're better than me For sure So what do you think a person is going to do with that? You know what I'm saying? I got a bunch of people think I'm better than them chasing me. Yeah, especially in this generation.

Speaker 4: You know, come on now In this generation. Yeah, Come on now When they get my 200 likes of pictures. So her confidence is through the roof In the end. Yeah, in the end, yeah, in the end, yeah, in the end, yeah In the end, yeah, she can literally be on your letter.

Speaker 2: In the end, yeah, but the amount of likes she gets will make her feel like she can get more. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4: When, having a dozen of likes, you wouldn't give a chance to them?

Speaker 3: Yeah, you wouldn't give a chance. So what do these likes really matter? The internet is inflation. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2: For sure, Make you bigger than what you think you are. Yeah, So I want to go back to it. You said, you said hope, And I want to break down because I'm a big. I like to you know, figure out, you know is there a different? way of talking about women without calling them a hope or define hope.

Speaker 1: Did that make sense?

Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah, because I'm in the notion that women are attacking men. They're upset, they're angry. I can understand why, like from back in the day, being treated a certain type of way and that's what you're supposed to be doing and you know staying at the house and dudes are going out there doing their thing, but then I don't want to create a generation of men trying to attack back, because that just wastes all the energy of what we could be doing as far as like making it better.

Speaker 2: You know what I mean. From what I see, there's a lot of women who are making it worse by running around saying men ain't shit and by attacking men without trying to get an understanding as far as, like, what men are going through.

Speaker 5: Yeah, Versus men. I don't see a bunch of men saying like women ain't shit. Yeah, Because I don't.

Speaker 2: Because if the homie you know, the homie knew from the jump.

Speaker 3: hey, bro You knew what was going on Yeah yeah, she a jump off man. Yeah, yeah, she a jump off, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: It's not a hurt.

Speaker 4: It's not a hurt. It's not a hurt, it's on you.

Speaker 5: You knew she was a jump off?

Speaker 2: Sure, you knew, you know, two or three years ago she was in, you know, with third people. What do you have in that space? So I'm big on like not turning it around and using all the energy in a negative way, but trying to find a way to spin it positive. Yeah, if you know what I mean. Yeah, sure, so when you say hoe, it's like how to define a hoe, because a dude can do the same thing.

Speaker 4: So when we talk about hoe a dude can do the same thing a woman can and that dude is like Yeah that guy, yeah, yeah, you good bro Yeah, yeah, you good, but if a female does it, it's like I think that we're in a point in society where the dead narratives being pushed to, where, like if a woman has just as many sexual encounters as a man it's not a big deal Gotcha, but for me others may not agree, but for me you can't change a man's biology.

Speaker 4: It's just the beginning of time. For sure, man of all races, all religions have been against promiscuity. So like it's been times where I see guys on TikTok, they're like that was bodies. You would be cool. You know it wouldn't And you're lying to yourself.

Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, even though some people may come out mean some men may come out and say they don't see it as an issue.

Speaker 4: Those relationships you never seen working. So when I say hoe, i don't mean hoe, as in women in general, gotcha, you know what I'm saying. I mean like from the sense of being a promiscuous woman. Gotcha, i got you Man.

Speaker 3: Like I said, man, I'm big on accountability.

Speaker 5: For sure, you can do whatever you want to do.

Speaker 3: Except the consequences.

Speaker 5: It's my thing, for sure I even people try to dub consequences.

Speaker 3: You know they try to act like there are certain social norms that don't exist and people don't look at you a certain way for doing certain things. For sure So you know if you out and about being promiscuous you're going to get looked at a certain type of way Gotcha, but then they try to flip it on his head and be like, oh no, but I shouldn't be when it don't represent yourself like that, gotcha, that's your fault. People are going to perceive you the way that you come.

Speaker 2: So you know, the way that.

Speaker 3: I'm looking when I come to an interview the way that I'm looking when I meet someone's parents that's how they're going to that's the first time seeing you. That's right For them. That's you. This is the person. So I mean, be what you want to be, except the consequences, except the consequences.

Speaker 2: That's the consequences, Dad that makes a lot of sense. I don't even know how we got here. It's just one of and I guess I've been fascinated by, you know the relationships men and women. So this is a stat that blows my mind. I want y'all to kind of talk about it. Tell me what y'all think about it 70 to 80% of divorces are initiated. And if you are educated woman, 90% of the divorces are initiated by women. And let me just dig a little deeper.

Speaker 1: The second time that. So divorce rate right now is at like 50%.

Speaker 2: The second time that person divorces or initiates a divorce, we already know that it's going to be, you know, majority women. The second time that they initiate the divorce or get married, there's a 61% chance of them getting divorced. A third time, I think it's 73% chance of getting a divorce. And in the fourth time, it's 90% chance of them within the first five years, you know, and majority of those divorces are being initiated by women. Why do you think that is?

Speaker 3: Women don't think women, okay, i mean, that's a point blank period. Okay, women are attached to their emotions and feelings, gotcha, and this is why I? say like men and women, I do believe we need each other.

Speaker 1: For sure.

Speaker 3: The way that the world is made. We can't try to duck it, no, but there's a whole agenda worth thinking.

Speaker 5: Yeah, frog, like we know. we need each other For fact women, knowing their emotions go unhinged.

Speaker 3: You should never make permanent decisions with feelings that are fleeting.

Speaker 1: That's why.

Speaker 3: I think you know two people who just say Hey, we got married because of love. That's surely going to fill one day because you're not going to be in love forever, yes, to be honest. So I think it's a lot of women don't think with logic. They always think like Hey, i'm not happy, i'm not in love anymore And I still got some work left to me. I can possibly find an upgrade. Let me go exercise my options.

Speaker 3: You know, what I'm saying Got you Always going to look for an upgrade type of deal, but a lot of it, like I said, goes back to the respect. If you don't respect your partner, then you're going to feel that way, so they're going to feel that type of way Like I can do better than you. So let me go ahead and flex my.

Speaker 4: I feel that I know we live in a country to where, like divorce, percent of time is going to work, in fact with the woman, the house, the all that. So I feel like for a lot of women they do have a desire to get married. So when the first man or man of income and proposals, yeah, i'll do it because they have that, that, that uh, that backdoor, yeah, uh, if it's not work out can get out If I'm, if.

Speaker 5: I propose to a woman I plan to live the rest of my life with you.

Speaker 4: I don't plan on breaking up, because I know what breaking up can do For sure You know what I'm saying. You can, I'm literally putting my life at risk for you, yeah, so like I don't feel it's the same to so to her, like, as a woman can get in and be, like I work in. I don't want to do this. Like the other day I was on TikTok and I literally it was this video Uh, this woman was saying if you're with a good man, don't feel bad if you wanted to uh, divorce him.

Speaker 4: And I was like, and then I was like okay, this is this crazy, This isn't real. So, I went to the comments and the amount of women were like, yeah, you're right, You're right, You shouldn't feel bad for leaving a good one. So it's kind of like like I'm not going to say marriage is a game, but it's. It's less than a game for men because we have more to lose. Got you Yeah?

Speaker 3: Divorces, incentivize you. Be honest, you're going to make a way with plenty. Yeah, you know now, in times out of 10s, they not swear Got you And when it comes to you said it's higher.

Speaker 4: When it said, uh, educated women, a lot of them is financial reasons, i believe, because, like uh, when a lot of women in our country the degree and all that, like they're, they're on their shit, so to speak. So, like, i understand why they feel what they feel, but at the end of the day, like you, having your education isn't necessarily going to make you a better wife or a better woman. It might form a business aspect you know what I'm saying And taking care of the family, uh, but in a marriage, i don't think that's something that should be held highly as a highly as on the list of a priorities that, for sure, look for for sure.

Speaker 2: And it's crazy when we talk, when we talk about finances, um, because I also, man, i don't know why I just been doing a deep dive on, like just you know, because I think men are getting drugged through the mud when it comes through, when it comes to relationships, and a lot of good men are being broken because they're listening to what society and the women are saying about, you know, men and things that nature. So a lot of men, they, you know, they're working their asses off to get money. And then I think this is another reason why suicide rate is high amongst men. So, let's say, from 25 to 60, all you did was put your head to the ground and you just worked and you look up at 60, most of your life is gone. You don't have relationships with the people that spend your life, and your wife don't want to be with you.

Speaker 2: And then you realize, ain't I mean? this is it? I mean I'm not, I'm not. you know, I'm not getting any younger. The time is gone. My kids are, you know, old and you know they don't really want to hang around me or have that connection with me unless I'm giving them something. My life was way more than just the money I provided for. Um, but I got into that mindset of this is what I have to do in order to make you happy, versus what are we doing as men to make ourselves happy and then bringing the people who want to be with us along for the ride, versus chasing after people to get on somebody else's ride and hoping that you know they can fulfill you in some in some way, form or fashion.

Speaker 1: So I think there there is a, there is a misconception of money and men, right.

Speaker 2: So 17% of all men earn over a hundred carat a year only 17%. And there's you know, i see all these videos about, you know, women saying like my man's got to make this, or my man got to make that, or you know, and it's one of those things like, yeah, okay, he's. So if he isn't making, what else is he doing that you can see, okay, well, he's doing this, this, this, versus like he's got to have just, he's got to make this, this money, because I have to live a certain lifestyle. And then there's a lot of females or like, if he flies me out, i got to give it up To me. That's how tendersies.

Speaker 3: That's what.

Speaker 4: I'm saying, that's what we go.

Speaker 2: That's, that's, that's what that's a tendency of, and so, like you said, you don't want to be called a certain name, then you wouldn't be doing something to be called that. But most women, if a dude flies them out, would feel obligated to give it up, and I've had a lot of conversations with women and they all said yeah. I'd give it up, because he flew me out and he did this, this and this. And in my head I'm like, yeah, but like what else is he giving you besides? And we just as prostitution?

Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean that's essentially what it is. It's essentially what it is, and then he's like no, we hung out, that's why, we hung out, we hung out.

Speaker 3: You got pain, i got head.

Speaker 2: That's prostitution, man.

Speaker 4: And I feel like these guys, we well, not we, but a lot of women put so much, so much emphasis, yes, yes, so much emphasis on finances to where, like, like, they'll get with a guy who's making 100,000 plus.

Speaker 5: And be measurable.

Speaker 4: Yes, and he'll cheat on her And they should be like oh, you cheating on me This and that, what do you expect? He's a small, a minute portion of men, you know, so, like you know, if you haven't, been anybody Yeah exactly. If you look for money, then and that's your main, what you want, yeah, what comes with it, that's what comes with it.

Speaker 2: That's what comes with it. That's what comes with it Like if you're not trying to build with somebody and that's all you are looking for money with them. Don't be upset, because Exactly The money that you, that you got the man's gonna, you know he gonna go out there and mow, not mow Some men will do it for sure.

Speaker 2: When we talk about there's to me there's a lack of leadership in the household when it comes to men. I can't say I understand what that comes from because my dad, you know, left out, you know, when I was in the fifth grade. So I had some, but I didn't have a lot, and then when he was there, it was, you know, just a lot of it, bigger and arguing and fighting, the things of that nature. What do you think is like? what do you think a man needs to do in order to lead a household to the best of like what? what? what do you like? what characters or values do you feel that man needs in order to, like you know, lead his house and lead it to in a place to where it's going in a good direction? That makes sense, yeah.

Speaker 3: I think. Well, you know the first one. You gotta be accountable for it. As a man, i always feel like you have to be a little more selfish than everybody, because if you're gonna be expecting to be a provider and a provision of everybody, you have to make sure you're right first before you can make sure anybody else in that household. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, so don't I think. A lot of times men miss that point and they try to stretch themselves so thin. Let me make sure the kids get what they want. My wife is getting what she wants.

Speaker 3: Everybody's getting like man if you make sure you not getting what you want and you run yourself. Rag it, rag it, the whole thing falls Because it's dependent on you, Gotcha. So you know, take care of yourself first and foremost.

Speaker 2: Make sure that you're you healthy, which isn't being taught, and I wonder why? cause you know that saying happy wife, happy life, stop it, dumb and stompy.

Speaker 4: I can't stand that. I remember hearing that as like a child. Even as a child I was like that doesn't make sense.

Speaker 5: So if I'm seven years, old and thinking that sounds so dumb Like I knew I wasn't tripping.

Speaker 3: You're on her foot. Some of that Costco somebody stopped that. Somebody wrote that It was having a bad day. I haven't argued with it.

Speaker 4: What's the point of you coming home and you miserable every day?

Speaker 3: But family happy If they depend on you once you realize that they depend on you. You realize how important you are.

Speaker 2: But you have to understand if you're miserable, how the fuck can a family be happy? They can't. It starts with you. It can't. It starts with you. And I think a lot of people get upset because, like I'm old school and it's like the man has to have a household, and then the wife, and then there's the kid. That order The wife has to be, you know, in order for the man to go back to it. So go back to it. So you said. As far as leadership accountability, was one.

Speaker 3: Yeah, i mean accountability. You gotta be able to lead man. A lot of men like how kids who were saying earlier a lot of guys are so afraid and today's day they used to be masculine because all is toxic masculine, you know, but you need that in life.

Speaker 1: You gonna need that because you're gonna be expected to make those decisions, so you might hear toxic masculine.

Speaker 3: You might hear that, but at the end of the day, women want a man that's gonna make decisions that can lead her in the right direction. She knows like I can trust him. He's got to prove the background.

Speaker 2: As a man, you have to be a fucking monster. You have to, you have to. You don't have a choice. You don't have a choice. So, back in the day, if there was a tiger or something chasing after your family, you wanted what they say is toxic. men ought to go out there and fuck that shit up, Because if he doesn't bye, bye to you and your family.

Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: You going to kids? go to anybody go. So we have created a lot of soft men that are afraid to one have these conversations and for lieu of like oh, i could possibly get canceled. They might not like what I'm saying even though it has some truth to it If you can sit down and really like think about it.

Speaker 3: You can't keep ignoring it, because then what are you doing to the younger generation? For sure, because look where it's going. The cycle continues. You can't keep ignoring it, because then you're doing them a disservice. So at that point why are you even talking? If that's your like, if you're not going be real with yourself, like, come on man.

Speaker 4: This is needed too, because, like me and Pat was talking about it when I was cutting his hair It's crazy because, like I'll see, on social media, someone will be like oh, my son, none of you unique. And I'm sitting there like no, he's going to be exactly like this.

Speaker 1: Exactly like this, you're right.

Speaker 4: Exactly like this, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4: So it's one of those things where, like, people have to realize men are more necessary than we think. a lot more, and not more. being in their kid's life is a lot more necessary than we think. you know, because, like I said, a man got to teach a man to be a man. A lot of women are moving counterproductive to themselves because they didn't have a dad in them. They didn't have a dad to say, oh, don't do this, don't worry, don't be this type of woman. You know what I'm saying. So, like now, we're seeing what not having a dad in the home looks like, but I do think it's slowly starting to change.

Speaker 2: Because I feel like all my homeboys. they got kids They ain't that They're in the house. That's exactly it.

Speaker 4: It's not like an art generation.

Speaker 2: you know There was a lot of bad habits And this you know, coming up. you know cousins, my little brother, like they all in there trying to fight through it. I mean it's a struggle regardless, with or without. you're going to struggle, so you might as well learn how to be a warrior.

Speaker 3: You have to as a man. Man You don't have a choice as a man because you have to understand Women have the luxury of men. If life don't go right for them, america potentially come in and save you As a man.

Speaker 2: Nobody will save you, or if the man don't, the government will.

Speaker 4: And if the government?

Speaker 5: doesn't? there's all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 2: You don't see that there are women As a man, you don't see them out of them.

Speaker 3: And if you fail, the world is not going to help you.

Speaker 4: They're going to walk over you And they're going to feel bad about you.

Speaker 5: So with men you've got to be accountable, good decision making.

Speaker 3: I tell my friends all the time I'm like I don't care about how people feel. So I'm like bro, you got to quit acting like a pussy. Yeah, i tell you, maybe you do Like, straight up, you got to act like a pussy. I'll let him quit you acting like a woman. Yeah. Yeah, i'll just like, bro, you like We need that.

Speaker 4: That's how we need that, because that doesn't exist anymore, yeah.

Speaker 3: Complaining about actual life as a man.

Speaker 2: This is what it is. This is what comes with it. So, how do you build that We're talking about? you got to be strong. You have to be a warrior and figure out like there are ways you build it.

Speaker 3: I think you can create certain habits. A lot of people got to number one. I would say get out of your comfort zone.

Speaker 3: I'll realize that about I would say about three years back I started I was like man, i don't really want to get out of my comfort zone. I feel like that's the number one thing that'll take anybody down You doing everything that you're comfortable with, everything that you're good at, because you scared to fail or you scared to take risks. Get out your comfort zone, do things you usually don't do. You're going to get in more in tune with your person. Like damn, i really can't really do some stuff That goes for yourself that you think is crazy. Everybody might say I ain't going to be able to do that. Prove yourself you can do certain things, man, and I feel that Yeah.

Speaker 4: If you didn't have that, if you didn't have that man in your life, you have to find ways to become a man, as in for me. For it, I feel like I didn't start to become a man until I started reading, And I really didn't start reading like that until the age of 26. I think the first book I read was Rich's Man in Babylon And so like. After reading that I was like okay, I got my finances as a mature. Then I read Rich's Dad and Poor Dad And the book after that was The Four Agreements. So like, for me, reading helped me to, since I didn't have nobody to necessarily teach me how to be a man that's what really showed me a whole lot of things.

Speaker 2: Yes, for sure, the Four Agreements. I think it was the second or third one. We said don't take a person on them, don't take anything personal. Yeah, and that really helped transform my life.

Speaker 5: Because a lot of times we try to.

Speaker 2: it's about us, but I'm like, bro, it's not about you, It's never about you. If someone screams at y'all and cuts you out. it's not about you, it's about them. They got something going on. They have nothing to do with me, So I'm just getting my ass on out the way and be about my business versus letting people try to control a narrative or make me feel some type of way.

Speaker 2: But I'm like with y'all the things that I do to build you know, man, i felt a lot. I mean, i felt. No one talks about failure, but I mean I go into it, I've been doing 75 hard.

Speaker 2: I did it twice, i felt it twice. I'm gonna do it again eventually. But it's one of those things where, like I did 23 days, the weekend came I was like, drinking, i drank, i knew I was gonna lose that time. Before that came out, i was like, yeah, it ain't happening. I went and drank. And so then that weekend starting to get on Monday, live Saturday, man, you have to do two workouts, two 40 for many workouts, one's gotta be outside.

Speaker 2: It won't happen. He's still out there. I knew it wouldn't happen. After Saturday came out I was like bro, i gotta start this all over again. But I mean, it's one of those things where, like every time, i feel I try to figure out okay, why did I want to drink at that? Why didn't I get up in the morning on Saturday? because I knew I had two workouts, bang one out in the morning and then like in the afternoon or the evening.

Speaker 2: I only have one, But if it's 10 o'clock and I got two workouts I gotta do within a two hour span. Yeah, it's not that bad, hey. Hey, how am I? I might as well sip on some at that point now.

Speaker 1: Because at 75, you can't have alcohol or anything like that, and it was never like you know the alcohol that was.

Speaker 5: the issue was like either working out, or we gotta take a progress.

Speaker 2: But I tried one time to go on like a six month sex fast, you know, no porn, no beating the meat, no sex. That's about seven days with that one. You know what I mean. Seven days, seven days, seven days. So I had to switch it up. I won't say you know, i won't say say I took sex off the table, like yeah, i'm, i'm, i'm, i'm, i'm gonna like, if that happens, i'm gonna happen, but, like you know, no porn, no, no, no beating the meat. So I did like 82 days, yup, and I fucked up, but that's a reason though, and I'm back on it again. But it's like I have apps on my phone, like it's just like I'm always constantly like, if I see it as a weakness, i'm trying to get a hold over it, versus, just like falling into like that, yeah, like, cause my whole life sex has been like my, my thing, like people have, you know, you know beer or drugs or things like that.

Speaker 2: Sex is my, that was my advice Since 10, since 10, like no one really taught me anything. And so from 10 to like now that was it, and I think about a year, maybe a year, two years ago, i realized like all right, let me, i need to get a hold of this because this is going to send me down, this. I'm gonna continue going down. So he's done that spiral. They're dumb ass spirals. You go down because you're allowing females to do anything and everything.

Speaker 1: Just cause you, just cause you were trying to you know, you know what I mean, And so I realized like I got to figure that thing out.

Speaker 2: And then you are. I realized also I was hurting women that didn't need to be hurt because I couldn't control. you know my urges And I'm big on like control, self-control and trying to figure it out And that's one of the reasons why I got divorced. I couldn't keep my dick in my pants. You know what I mean. I felt like you know I was taught if she wasn't gonna give it to you or she thought she had the power to be like nah, you ain't getting it tonight.

Speaker 1: You ain't going out to say less.

Speaker 2: That's true, you ain't got to give me nothing. You know what Sherrilee will? I know Sherrilee will, So I'm gonna go over that. And then I just realized like, okay, that was. It was an immature way of doing it. Have the conversation.

Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: Cause that's also a red flag too, Like if you're having a conversation with someone and they're saying, like you know, they feel cause a me personally, i think sometimes women feel like they have that power And they do to pick and choose. They can say yeah. if they can say no, it's their body, that choice for sure. But, as a man, have that conversation to figure out, like okay, is this, is there a reason behind why? Or is it because you just don't?

Speaker 1: want to touch them Because you don't want to.

Speaker 2: Because there's a lot of shit that I don't want to do, that I do, that I just gotta do. I mean, you can have that choice, but it's you being very stingy or you being manipulative in that situation, because I don't get to like, i don't feel like working today. Yeah, i don't feel like working. I don't feel like taking out the trash.

Speaker 5: I don't feel like going and picking up these kids.

Speaker 2: Like I don't get to be like I don't know, I'm not gonna do it today. But, mature-wise, I didn't even ask that question. It was like oh okay, you, I'm just going out. Oh yeah, I just assumed you were playing with me. So you think you're gonna play with me? That's 100% okay, cool, Let's, we can play this game. And so now, mature me now and it's like let's have the conversation. Hey, what's you know?

Speaker 1: What's going on? What's going?

Speaker 2: on, Because a lot of times I've realized in that conversation she get there, Yeah, yeah, And then after what she's like all right, let's go.

Speaker 5: I'm like say less, then we in there.

Speaker 2: And I'm happy, and she happy, and everybody's good. But without having those conversations, you don't know, and then you like make the assumptions And then it's good. Second, when I tried no, okay In my head, i'm going out tomorrow.

Speaker 4: Yes, whatever happens happens, and that's the conversation.

Speaker 5: I feel like that a lot of conversations, and relationships that need to be had at the beginning of the relationship aren't had.

Speaker 4: I feel like that in particular is a conversation that needs to be had. Hey, is there ever going to be a point in our relationship to where you feel like you don't have to give me sex because you don't want to, because, like, the relationship isn't about sex But for me, and like I'm not a baby.

Speaker 5: That's the main part. Hey, come on, i'm not a baby.

Speaker 3: That's the main part So like.

Speaker 4: I'm like that's the conversation. Yeah, there was a podcast I was watching And the wife it was a wife and husband And she was basically saying well, like if I would have known you needed it this much, i might have not have got married. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5: So that's what I'm saying, that's the conversation in particular.

Speaker 4: that should be had, But see the frustration comes from.

Speaker 2: that's how you got me You know, exactly.

Speaker 2: There's a lot of women that get due So that's why I think whenever someone cheats on me, like I don't think that could be a comeback, because I know what she did in the beginning with me Yeah, she's doing it with them. She's at an Indian everything because she feels some type of way about that guy. That's what, to me, a lot of some women do. They give themselves, you know, in all these different ways in the very beginning, and this dude is like, okay, this is you, this is it.

Speaker 2: And then, as life goes on and things happen, it's like it becomes less and less and less, and then you're like, hey, bro, i mean hey, what's the deal? Yeah, And again a lot of us didn't have the conversation of like hey, like, have it, talk about, hey, sex and things that nature. It's like, okay, well, you ain't gonna do it, somebody give it to me for free And they'll make me feel good, they'll make me feel like, they'll make me feel wanted.

Speaker 2: And so it's just one of those things, like you know, you gotta have that conversation.

Speaker 3: But yeah a lot of them.

Speaker 2: they get you like that, And then when you weaponize, they weaponize it.

Speaker 3: They want to say YouTube's like okay, and that might stand all of them, But I mean it happened a lot.

Speaker 2: I've talked to a few of my guys and it happened a lot to where it's like man, i thought she was this way, but she ain't.

Speaker 3: If you gave me crazy sex in the beginning keep it consistent, keep it consistent. Consistence A sexless marriage.

Speaker 4: Sexless marriage is a nightmare for sure. Like like, like to know, like, okay, I'm supposed to be loyal to you and I will be, but you're supposed to be giving me this. You know what I'm saying I mean, don't get me wrong, As a man you gotta be on your shit, For sure You gotta. You just can't expect it. It'll be late time, You can be sure on that, Yeah, yeah. But if you all your shit, they still being weaponized against you. It's one of them.

Speaker 2: Things like I'm holding up.

Speaker 4: I have but you gotta have to hold up this way, for sure You know.

Speaker 2: And then touch me don't make it any better.

Speaker 5: You don't be I mean, you don't even be trying to score, You're scoring.

Speaker 2: It's like, goodness, you gotta get it, you just gotta get it, you just gotta get it, you just gotta get it, you just gotta get it. Like she's so beautiful, god She's in, and women For sure.

Speaker 3: It's horrible I can power of unlimited choices in your head.

Speaker 4: For sure Nobody's had that much power. For sure I think she's the worst for women.

Speaker 3: Unlimited choices in your head is not good for any person.

Speaker 4: You gotta abuse it, you gotta abuse it. You gotta have a celebrity in 80ms.

Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna abuse it. You know, yeah, and I think a lot of times when I think about that, like I'm a man on social media, so I sit back and be like imagine me in a woman on social media.

Speaker 2: I post a picture. I get like five likes.

Speaker 1: And I know I look good.

Speaker 2: It's like hey, somebody who don't look as good she posted a picture might have a little boo, you know so it's $100,000. I'm like man, i don't understand $300,000.

Speaker 3: Oh man, i have a little Instagram. Show me DM, dude, let me fly you out.

Speaker 5: Yeah, i don't want to be never offered to fly me out. Yeah.

Speaker 3: You never, ever wanted to say let me fly you out And I'm going, yeah.

Speaker 2: And they use me boo you know You think of the youth. Yeah, yeah, i'm a celebrity, you want some.

Speaker 3: I got a I got a phone call.

Speaker 5: I got a phone call with Maddie John man because that's crazy.

Speaker 4: You sure I got a phone call at the gym that I'm cool with And she was showing me her DMs. She had four boo check marks in her DMs.

Speaker 5: I'm like this would never happen to me.

Speaker 3: Yeah, really not in my DMs. You know what I'm saying. And then she was boy. Y'all are not gonna see me on so many vacations, stop playing, stop playing.

Speaker 2: And who you with? She's the only I can't tell you about.

Speaker 3: Just know, i'm here, just know. I'm here. She be coming back with a family plan I don't know how you say it.

Speaker 2: Boy sometimes Yeah, I know What a man I'm a woman.

Speaker 3: I love my homies man. Instagram crazy, y'all Earlier social media, crazy man.

Speaker 4: Earlier how you were talking about why more women divorce. I feel like that's another reason, Because they have unlimited options.

Speaker 5: And they're getting unlimited attention, Not knowing that which already had attention.

Speaker 4: it's just sexual, yeah yeah, for sure So a lot of women are fooled about the options they think they have, which makes it easier to be like I don't need you, I got $50,000 to do something. Then they get out there and see the grass And you're like not them, And it's green. I thought it was Absolutely not.

Speaker 2: That's the trick. The grass was big Yeah.

Speaker 3: They will marry you and keep you for sure. That's the trick of messing with social media and stuff like that. Unlimited options, but which one is going to take you and keep you and take care of you?

Speaker 5: man.

Speaker 2: To deal with all your shit, yeah, even deal with all her shit And let's just make it happen, let's just pop it up. Yeah, man, that's just kind of where it's at And it's crazy.

Speaker 1: But a lot of guys need to understand it and know that a woman that sees you is one of God's greatest gifts.

Speaker 2: Because, man, as you see me, I'm working. I'm going to work my ass off for you and everybody else, Because I know I'm being seen. And then you're feeding me And you're telling me hey, I'm a good man.

Speaker 3: I appreciate it, man.

Speaker 2: That's all I'm going to be, and if I, feel appreciated once a month, once every six months, like it's not even a lot bro, But I mean, I'm not looking for flowers all the time. It's small for us, But just give me like oh, I see you.

Speaker 5: Oh you see me.

Speaker 3: That's not what I mean. I see what I mean. I see what I mean. I'm not looking for flowers. We take pride in that For a show.

Speaker 5: We take pride in that For a show, but a lot of it's just like it's not a lot of that where people are like oh, i see you.

Speaker 1: I see you Now.

Speaker 2: I say it to everybody now Hey bro, i see you, i'm proud of you. Like, keep it up, like don't allow society or people to bring you down and make you feel unseen. Hey bro, i see you, keep working And it just motivates and it makes people feel OK, what's that person? I'm doing something right.

Speaker 5: I'm doing something right, someone's doing the work.

Speaker 2: I'm doing And that just gives you motivation.

Speaker 5: Like you said, a lot of guys are underappreciated.

Speaker 2: They don't get that love that a lot of other people get.

Speaker 4: And it's sad for a lot, neither for sure. We're not looking for a fight. Just a pinch, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: You gotta do a sprinkle of it.

Speaker 2: Don't take a lot of things off to the men.

Speaker 3: You take men, take a lot of pride in a show.

Speaker 4: You don't even have to be financial, you don't have to be none of that, just hey I see you did this. I appreciate it.

Speaker 1: That means a lot to us.

Speaker 3: Because, a lot of times nobody says anything was expected to do this. It's expected. Yeah, man, this is expected to do this Right on the nail.

Speaker 2: It's real life man. Man. I don't know why he just kind of just went out of the plane. But I love like these conversations, because I need to be there, because, yeah, no one's having the conversations or everyone's scared to have the conversations. Have hard conversations.

Speaker 3: That's what we need more of. Yeah, yeah. We're talking about what everyone else is talking about.

Speaker 4: For sure, have hard conversations, i feel like everybody's scared to be canceled But, like for me, i don't care about being the people. I have a real job.

Speaker 3: That's what the internet does.

Speaker 2: I think the issue is humans are letting humans be humans.

Speaker 3: Everybody wants to put a count on everything You can be, Yeah, and my problem with like the whole the cancel culture thing is like what are you going to do when she cancel everything? Yeah, then what, like, when they would Like they're going to cancel each other? There's a whole idea. It's like somebody saying something and I'm like so I'm going to cancel them. You can't operate in a world like that.

Speaker 5: Oh come on down. That's crazy And like, like freeing speech is gone.

Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't work that way They might not like what I say and that could cost me my livelihood. That's crazy.

Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's crazy, i'm, I know I'm human, huh, and I'll talk about all kinds of shit on my podcast and people will look oh, you did this, you did that.

Speaker 3: Yeah, motherfucker, i did that, i did that.

Speaker 2: I'm acting like I'm human And I'm working on it.

Speaker 1: You know what I mean I am working on it.

Speaker 2: Your ass is too.

Speaker 3: You, just you just don't want to say it. You don't want to say it, but I'm afraid they're having a public problem.

Speaker 2: I don't give a damn awesome man. I will tell you exactly what it is and you can judge me if you want to. But that's on you, because I know at the end of the day we all trying to figure this shit out.

Speaker 4: I think some people are so caught up on image and being a certain type of person that you keep me like this, so they feel like they have to keep up with it.

Speaker 2: I don't understand.

Speaker 3: That's how you see me You see, this is what you get, this is what you get.

Speaker 2: Yeah, don't test me. Don't test me, because I'm still. God is still working on me.

Speaker 3: Don't ask me now, don't come ask me if you look fat in the jeans.

Speaker 5: It's not the jeans You fat.

Speaker 1: Come on, stop it, you're low plus You serious.

Speaker 2: I'm not asking you no questions, you're brumpy.

Speaker 3: You knew the answer before you came in. That's why you asked. I can't lie to you, Be serious. You already know People just want to. But I don't understand the obsession with wanting to be perceived as perfect when everyone knows there's no such thing.

Speaker 4: There's no such thing.

Speaker 2: So why?

Speaker 5: do you want to?

Speaker 2: be perceived like this It's like the same people like when you go. You come out of the bathroom, i'm taking the shit and they be like oh, I'm like oh, what you mean? You're really going to blow that shit up to it And this is going to be just a stank in mind. What do you say? Oh, it's the bathroom. It's the bathroom, You going there and shit. That's what I'm supposed to do.

Speaker 3: That's what I'm supposed to do. That's the action spot. That's what's supposed to happen, you acting like I'm bent over my car or something You? acting like you don't do it. Stank it in the ass, nobody's right here.

Speaker 2: For sure God doesn't want us to operate. They've been doing it and I was like I cannot have a blend of show, that's what it is.

Speaker 3: It's the best thing, it's the internet.

Speaker 4: Because, you, they'll look perfect on the internet.

Speaker 3: You see that real life and you like this ain't your real life. That's how I was saying it. I stopped, man. I don't like girls pictures. I don't you know what I mean. Like if I'll scroll, i'll scroll. Like at this point now I'm like.

Speaker 2: I don't, because like you can look good and I'll see a lot of people.

Speaker 1: I'm like.

Speaker 2: I don't, i don't, i don't, i don't, i don't. I'm like I don't look good and I'll see a lot of good looking women And when. I met them I was like bruh, it wasn't the same. No, it wasn't the same. What a waste of it, i would not waste my energy on you. You look good, yes, on the filters and things, but then, like when I get one when I talk to you, it's not even.

Speaker 4: Yeah, but why would you want to be perceived or something like? like?

Speaker 5: like, like when I'm on live, when I take a picture, i'll be like Yo, that's how I look.

Speaker 4: I might look a little bit taller, but that's not my fault. I'm not trying to angle it. Yeah, you know you know women.

Speaker 2: They put their left foot forward and they angle the pole and they angle themselves. I'm like Hey, man, just embrace, You got a little. you got a little pump in your, just a trace, that man.

Speaker 3: I'm going to have to see.

Speaker 2: I'm going to have to see you eventually If they want to walk them and see them. I'm like man, damn, that's crazy. All these pictures, bro. I didn't see this angle. I'm like this, ain't you Yeah?

Speaker 4: I'm the ass. I'm the asshole. You know what you're doing. You know what you're doing.

Speaker 3: Everybody's hip to the same game.

Speaker 4: It's social media. People live their lives via social media Like. I even got friends I went to college with. I got a homegirl. She literally lives her life for social media. There's not a time when I'm with her that she's not snapping something or doing this. She's never actually living in the moment. And it's not only women. I know men that do the same thing. That's putting on a persona. Then you go to that crib. You know what I'm saying. You live in a trap house. You struggling, It ain't no wrong with it.

Speaker 3: Everybody put their best moments on it. You're not going to see none of them. in the past I put my man in the life type of deal.

Speaker 2: Two years ago I was getting divorced. I set this mic up, got on there and started talking. This is why I just kind of set up You let people know. hey, figure your shit out. If you got trauma, you got pain, find out what you're going to do. You're going to go do it. You're going to put somebody else to it. Now I was saying she was perfect needed. but I can't look to her for anything.

Speaker 1: I always said I'm 100% accountable for me.

Speaker 2: This is what I did That got the most views out of any views that I've ever put out on Facebook. I put a lot of shit out there. It goes to show you too if it's not, the good people will watch you fail. They can probably relate to that, They can but most people didn't reach out and do anything. It was more of the views.

Speaker 1: It wasn't me.

Speaker 2: People did and I appreciate those people, but it was my most views post. That was wrong. It was just wrong, authentic and it was me failing. They will pop popcorn pull up drinks. For sure To watch you fail. For sure To watch you fail.

Speaker 4: When they in the same boat.

Speaker 2: Doing the same thing, they just haven't got caught, or they got caught and they just not acknowledging it. It was crazy. I know people live in an actual life.

Speaker 3: For sure, for sure. They have social media. I just recently got back on social media and I told kids when we started doing this podcast. I got back on create traffic for the podcast.

Speaker 1: For sure Popping up and stuff going for the podcast.

Speaker 3: I was always glad we didn't come from a social media. Facebook and Myspace and stuff like that started getting popular when we were teenagers. I say the biggest thing is a lot of dudes around my age group myself. we're not afraid to talk to women For sure. These dudes that come up after internet nowadays.

Speaker 2: I don't know how to. It's almost intimidating. They'll take a picture and they'll be like bro. That's crazy to me.

Speaker 4: You scared to go talk to this woman. They'll take a picture and they'll be like Twitter do your job.

Speaker 3: No, get up and go talk to her.

Speaker 4: That's crazy to me.

Speaker 2: I have a homie that he does a lot of Facebook dating and stuff. I tell him, bro, you have to go intangibly like talk to seedless people.

Speaker 3: It's healthy for you to do that. Take that out. Don't always go in. Take that out. When are you out? Damn, you don't even have to go in intentionally trying to get a number or get any sense of Just talk to a woman.

Speaker 2: Just talk to a woman on the regular. I'll tell you, man, i got on that Facebook dating man. It was horrible.

Speaker 3: I didn't even know about that until a couple of months ago when my boys actually told me I didn't even know Facebook had a dating app I don't do dating ads.

Speaker 2: I swipe, she swipes. I do no dating, I'm knocking it down, Bro.

Speaker 5: this ain't real life. My best one communication is in person.

Speaker 3: It always has been. We have good conversations and something like that, but I'm not about to sit up on the dating app and swipe this way swipe that way, I don't know.

Speaker 4: It's not. we got to do it too much.

Speaker 3: It's bad We swipe.

Speaker 5: It's more disimpler than that I talk to you and then Just go somewhere and meet with sex.

Speaker 3: Just go somewhere and talk to women. Let's be real, how many The guys who are on the dating apps the women on those dating apps don't view them as really like something. they're actual She just needs your validation That swipe is about them, literally, women who swipe.

Speaker 5: She doesn't need anything else.

Speaker 4: I get on dating apps whenever I feel down, just for a pickup, that's crazy.

Speaker 2: You mean you use for pickup bro. She's looking for validation and he's looking for pussy. That's it. That's it. And dude can be like no, i'm not, i mean bro.

Speaker 3: No, you're not dating. Let's be real. You're not trying to get married on those dating apps. It's real.

Speaker 2: If she swipes and you swipe, and then she's like, hey, what's up, come over tonight.

Speaker 3: You can go on a date. You can go on a date. You can go on a date. You can go on a date You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about, you're not about to be like yeah.

Speaker 4: I don't want to get to know you. That's not happy, that's not happy, that's not crazy, you know what.

Speaker 3: I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. You were probably one of the worst ones.

Speaker 2: Yeah, what He seemed like happy. I knew crazy folks. You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3: You had a worse one. If you download a free dating app, you know, what you're there for.

Speaker 2: You know what you're there for.

Speaker 3: A free dating app. You know what you're there for. Come on now, not for no reason. No one here is getting married. Very light on the marriage.

Speaker 2: Very rare, very rare.

Speaker 2: Man, I appreciate y'all having, like you know, this conversation. It's something that you know. Like I said, i fell off, you know, for a while, but you know I've been putting them out there ever since April. You know, consistently just is where it is, and so this really helped. You know, kind of jumpstart what I'm trying to do as far as you know, bringing guests back on and just kind of having these conversations Because, again, it's not, they're not being had and people are afraid to have them because of everything that's going on in society and this world. It's not being solved.

Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely. So we can't be solved, we can't be solved.

Speaker 2: We can't like there have to be men who say enough is enough And what the world says a man is. I'm going to book everything that is saying, because that's I get to pick and choose what a man is within myself. Question How would you define I hate high value man. This is a fucking man. How would you define a man Like? what's your definition of like what a man is?

Speaker 4: To me, handling what your, regardless of the outcome, regardless of what waves life throws you. Is everything going to be sweet? The majority of the time it's not going to be sweet, but can you stand on the out 10 and handle your business so you can get to your next level of life?

Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying even when you're the one who's responsible for your downfall or the position you're in, you're also responsible of bringing yourself out of that and taking accountability for yourself, So that way, other people can depend on the well not other people, but your loved one.

Speaker 3: I can say man, gotta be. I feel like a man. As a man, you have to be a leader, provide a provision. You have to be able to overcome adversity every time, not just you have to be comfortable taking losses. As a man, you're going to take way more losses in life than doves. That's the fact, no matter what you're dealing with. But most of the times, only thing you know, losing is going to be necessary, because that's what makes winning feel. You prove to yourself okay, i can build myself up as a man and overcome certain situations. You can look back and see the growth and appreciate that, if no one else will definitely appreciate yourself. Like I said, find you a couple of male friends, male counterparts, that you can really invest in emotionally and a healthy way. Man, don't bottom up all your emotions and keep all that stuff in and self-destruct, because we already got enough of that going on, i think most men don't understand the journey.

Speaker 2: They just want it to be so quick, like I gotta be here, here, here, versus like just being on this journey and allowing the journey to take you. You know where it takes you. If you need to grab the wheel and then try to turn it this way, you can. Like you know, every day is like you're getting up, you're waking up, you're experiencing, you know life and so embrace the journey. So I'll be trying to lose weight.

Speaker 2: For a minute, jump on the scale and you know, doing all that dumb shit, i think like maybe eight, nine, 10 months ago I stopped jumping on the scale. I just go work out. You know I monitor what I eat, as far as I got a little out of my phone and so telling how much calories I have. Sometimes I go over it, sometimes I don't go over it. I went to Target yesterday. I was in the 540, maybe a year ago I went to Target, seen some short 30-fold. Try to hang on them, try to moan. They pulled up just above my dead little squats, you know what I mean Ain't nothing split.

Speaker 2: I'm like I might have to go to these 32. I didn't try to moan, but I was just like yeah, but you know it took me back to like man, you know I have enjoyed the process of getting to where I have gotten versus putting so much effort on. You know this. I have to do this. I have to.

Speaker 2: I stopped trying to have to and just was like man, I'm just going to, I'm going to live, and then, wherever it takes me, that's where it takes me And then if I make bad choices and decisions, then I have to figure it out.

Speaker 2: You know, eat that, eat that bullet, stand up like don't run from it and just deal with it Face, face first, and then go, go through it and once I go through it, just you know, rebuild it back up, back up again, because that's what a journey lies And you say that really resonated with me It's levels to this. You will never stop going up levels until you fucking die.

Speaker 1: That is the only time. That is the only time there's no more levels.

Speaker 2: You're going up And then hopefully you're going to high on level. You know what I mean. But I mean there's always going to be levels And I'm the man you will never get to like the. Oh, i made it. That's something more to do. It's always gonna be something more to do. I think a lot of dudes they're so quick to like I gotta get this money. And then, once I get this money, it's like well, what the fuck am I supposed to do now? Because they didn't embrace the journey of trying to figure it out and get it.

Speaker 1: And, i think, a lot of dudes as a man.

Speaker 2: embrace the journey that life is giving you, man, Because once it's gone, you'll never have it again.

Speaker 5: And I see.

Speaker 2: I see a lot of people like it sucks, like bro, you're not even living, you're trying to do everything everyone else is trying to do. And then when you look back on life you realize like damn, you can do what you want. Yeah, if you're in your 30s you got 40 to 50 years. you know if that, you know what I mean. But then hopefully you live longer. but you got that 40 to 50 years left And you've already wasted a lot of it. you know chasing after shit and doing things for people that didn't really fuck with you.

Speaker 2: And so now you know you have to get into that mindset of hey bro, if it ain't benefiting me in any way. I can't do it. Can't do it for sure, and I don't care if you're upset anger or bad, i can't do it. If I can help financially, i'll do that, But I mean my time, my space, bro, it's very, very valuable And I limit it to things that. I want to do Like I know if I don't want to do it, I ain't gonna fuck with that.

Speaker 2: I just simply and it's don't why I don't want to fuck with it. I don't want to do it, Wrong man.

Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want to do it, and if I want to do it, i'll do it, but it's just, you're not fortunately doing something I don't want to do no more.

Speaker 2: Now. I used to be like, oh, i got to do everything And you know you burn yourself out doing that. So now I'm like I ain't burning my shit, i don't know that shit. I'm like I need you. I am to the day you're gonna have you, you're gonna have you.

Speaker 3: I understand that.

Speaker 4: And then I feel like I ain't no need of doing stuff that you don't want to, because me personally in my 20s, a lot of time trying to make people happy that I shouldn't even been in my life you know what I'm saying Chasing after things that really didn't mean anything. But now I feel like it's more like kind of like you said, even though, yes, it's necessary to plan and look towards it, that's not what I'm thinking of every day In my 20s. Now I'm living in a moment, enjoying life. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm 31 right now, when I'm 41, I don't want to look back and be like, oh, i regret this or regret I didn't live in this moment.

Speaker 1: Because this time in my 20s, if I can go back, i'm like I wouldn't enjoy this more.

Speaker 4: I wouldn't do this differently or this differently, But I didn't. So it's a part of it. You know what I'm saying. But going from here forward, I know how to move. You know what I'm saying Because it's important there's a man too.

Speaker 3: You know, men, we age white one.

Speaker 2: Oh yeah, for sure.

Speaker 5: We don't like to hear that We tell it to all the time Y'all need like four minutes.

Speaker 3: So I'm living back.

Speaker 5: I was telling kids this Saturday in a bar with Shaman.

Speaker 3: I said, bro, I did not realize being 30 and living life was going to be this good. I said, I thought the 20s was supposed to be like I thought that was a miracle, I said I looked at it, I was like man, this 30 is I said, i'm living life, especially if you take care of your body.

Speaker 2: Yeah, i said man, this is life. Man It is, It is. What did you get? I'm gonna leave that alone, all right, All right. Last thing Cancel. What impact do you want to make on this world? Question?

Speaker 3: And what impact? What impact do you want to make? If anything, i want to impact people and I want to wait until they go back to thinking. if I was that, i want to leave the world with it. Start thinking for yourself. Quit letting media outlets different people fear everything else narrate your story. Use your own mind. The mind is a beautiful thing Most people think. I think it's limited. Start thinking for yourself. Think a lot of people that end up like you know how men with the suicide, depression and things that are going on, people letting so much of the outside world affect how they think about themselves. Think for yourself again.

Speaker 4: I want to leave Alashtyn as in kind of like Nipsey Olson He's not here, he's late enough blueprint and groundwork to where other people can take further their selves. So I want to. Before I leave this earth, i want to leave enough of an impact to where those around me even it would be great, even further than just those around me For sure People can say Kinsley and Floyd's me to do this, he gave me enough game for this or that. I just want to leave Alashtyn, sir man.

Speaker 2: I appreciate that. I appreciate y'all jumping on and just having these conversations. It was awesome. So if anyone having told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You're awesome. You're amazing. Use it over the best that the world has to offer. Do not give up, Do not quit. The world doesn't get easier, but you get stronger. Bless Friday.

Speaker 3: Bye, bye.

Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode And for daily motivational and up-to-date content. follow us on Facebook and Instagram at excellenceabovetalent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time. Danielle 건강 euch suspended.
Exploring the State of Manhood
Male Accountability and Self-Improvement
Men's Suicide Rates and Societal Pressures
Accountability in Relationships
Chasing After Power and Understanding Promiscuity
Misconceptions About Men, Money, and Marriage
Masculinity and Fatherhood in Household Leading
Personal Growth and Relationship Discussions
Authenticity and Social Media
Embracing the Journey of Life
Motivational Message of Encouragement