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Excellence Above Talent Podcast
The Excellence Above Talent podcast was started because of death trauma and pain. Men are 3.6 times more likely to commit suicide than women. Men predominantly do the violence that happens in the US. Men in the United States predominantly commit domestic violence and sexual assaults. Ninety percent of the prison population are men. I want to start a conversation to get clarity and insight on why this is happening. Families are being destroyed, lives are being lost, and people are hurting from the hands of men, men who were supposed to be the providers and protectors of their families. As a BIPP (Batterer’s Intervention and Prevention Program) Director for 4 years, I have had numerous conversations with men about why they thought abuse was necessary or did not even know they were abusers. The conversation had in our class helped open my eyes and the eyes of other men. I found out that men want to talk about these issues, but there is no platform or space, so we keep quiet, not wanting to challenge the status quo. The Excellence Above Talent podcast will do just that; it will challenge everything we think manhood is. Join the conversation and let us fight for the state of man because this next generation of young men needs us too.
Excellence Above Talent Podcast
Defining Success & Embracing Growth: A Conversation with Justin Granado
What happens when determination, accountability, and hard work take center stage? Join us as we sit down with Justin, a man who juggles multiple thriving businesses, and learn about the grit and tenacity it takes to turn dreams into reality. From running a gym for 12 years to opening a new bar, Justin shares his journey and insights on navigating life's challenges, defining success, and the power of contributing to others' growth.
How do you see success? Is it through materialistic measures or the feeling of inner fulfillment? Today's charged discussion with Justin dives into the changing perception of success and why it's not just about luck or privilege. We recount our humble beginnings, the lessons of hard work, and the joy in rewarding oneself through effort and perseverance. Meanwhile, we tackle the importance of vulnerability and self-improvement, breaking down stereotypes of masculinity, and the role of a supportive network in our journey of personal growth.
Brace yourself as we venture into tough conversations on accountability, the relevance of coaching and athletics, and challenging negative stereotypes associated with manhood. We talk about understanding and managing emotions, the significance of preparedness, and the courage to ask for help. Ending the episode on a high note, we draw inspiration from overcoming fear, the benefits of an early start, and the importance of perseverance. So, buckle up and join us on this enlightening journey towards success and fulfillment. Listen, learn, and remember- you're never alone in the battle. Don't forget to subscribe for more empowering and motivational content!
#excellenceabovetalent #EAT #dontgiveup #youdeservethebest #youareenough ...
You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, aaron Thomas.
Speaker 2:What's up my beautiful people, aaron Thomas, with Excellence Above Talent, it has been a minute that I have been on this podcast talking about all things, life and things that are going on, talking to people having conversations, and so I was listening to a sermon this morning and they were talking about how a lot of people can start stuff but most people can't finish. And it kind of hit me square in the chest because I thought at this podcast with the intentions of having tough conversations about what a man is, manhood and trying to find ways that we can be better as men. And it's not like I have stopped doing that, I just stopped doing it on here and I wanted to jump back on and, I guess, rekindle the fire. So I got my boy here, justin Grenada. Justin Grenada, he is here in the building. We're just going to have a conversation. So first off, I'll let Justin tell us what he has going on with his life now, because he has a few things that he has created and he's building and I think it's pretty cool.
Speaker 3:Is that where I was talking?
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's where you talked. I've just been living, staying busy trying to get everything in line running the gym.
Speaker 3:Now I have the bar we open in. May that's just been a different set of challenges. Just every day it's something new, something different, something that I was not doing before. So it's just taking on a different day to day, if you will, and dealing with that as it comes, and then also just trying to stay relevant and head above water, and then obviously trying to do something with the gym and be there and be present and then still worry about my personal life and long well being and all the in-betweens with that.
Speaker 2:What's your bar card?
Speaker 3:Tumbleweed. It's called Tumbleweed's Bar. We kept the name. When we got it, we decided to keep the name. The bar had been in our desk for like 25 plus years and we were stuck in between. Do we change the name? Do we keep the name? But we decided to stay with it. It's just a small dive bar. It's very chill. We do get a lot of people from the gym and just close friends, so it's very chill. We don't have any problems. Good drinks. It's a simple living type of thing. Go in there and chill, hang out with friends, be able to have a conversation in there, play games, the simple things in life and that's something that I enjoy when I go out. There's time and place for all the raw stuff, but most of the time I enjoy just being able to have a good conversation and I appreciate that we're able to do that there. You don't have to shout over somebody, but you can stop at a good time and there's time and place for that, which is fine.
Speaker 3:But yes, so we've been on since May 5th and we're just trucking along yeah.
Speaker 2:I bought some Uno cards, so it gets pretty intense and I usually win, which is crazy.
Speaker 3:They say I cheat but I've never played Uno with you because I probably win, but you don't get caught.
Speaker 2:It's not cheating, right.
Speaker 3:It brings out the worst of people. It brings out the worst of people Uno and I hopefully will bring out the worst of people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. So my question is how do you juggle all the things that you're doing and not get overwhelmed? Or, if you do get overwhelmed, what are the things that you do to help keep you going forward? Because you've had the gym for about 12 years.
Speaker 3:Yeah, September just passed. The term was 11 years, so going on Going on a dozen this year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you've got this bar that is brand new. But there's a lot of things that are probably pulling you in all different directions, like how do you stay grounded when sometimes life happens? Because life do happen.
Speaker 3:I'm very like on my mind always racing. I have like this where I always have to keep busy things like that. I didn't even need to go into business doing another business or doing a bar, like, and I knew. I knew 100% the struggles that would come with it 100%, knew, like, the time that was going to put on me and the pressure. I knew that from the jump.
Speaker 3:And it's one thing like I tell people I don't get people would always ask were you excited? You're excited and it was always a I'll get excited when it happens, when it comes to life, because I don't want to, like you know, count your chickens for the hatch. And that's also because I knew what comes with everything like that. I knew the time it takes away from other things and it is hard, but I also know, like some of the freedom gives me it also helps keep me busy, it keeps my mind going and just working to like, hey, how can I do this better and things like that. And another thing too is like I think of it as well, like I try to do it as well, just not for me but for other people, like I try to do my best to even help out, like friends or family, and like to help pay forward or put others on with whatever that may be, because I know at the end of my time I can't take you know the knowledge with me and I can't take this and that with me. So why not pay it forward?
Speaker 3:And, you know, not only push myself, but also bring somebody along the process and push them, and whether that's helping them out mentally or keeping them busy, taking them out of the spot or financially, I firmly believe in strengthening your circle and like that's just something I would look to do and I think it feels good. It feels good to do that and I always months back I saw a thing that talked about like what good is it if you're always sitting at the table and you're always the one that's having to pick up the tab? Like why not strengthen your circle? And everyone at the table can not only eat, but you know you can share that wealth or whatever, maybe, and whatever that situation is, and the pressure is not always on you, but at times it's hard to juggle working out and things like that is like my saving grace, like I enjoy doing that. It gets me out of the headspace, it gets me my door friends going in.
Speaker 3:That's honestly what helps me and also takes a lot of pressure off me, but then in the same sense it has my mind racing for like the next thing and I don't know when that stops. That's kind of the scary side of it when you die. Yeah, it's an answer.
Speaker 3:I mean like I always. You know, the thing I always tell people I have a hard time defining is like hey, like what's success? And I don't really know. Like I don't really know, like hey, when does this stop? And I've had a conversation with my friends and he's real successful and things like that, and I'm like hey, like when did you feel? Like, like it was like you're done, like, hey, I won. And he just said the same thing and he's like I don't know man. And he said you know, when I was thinking, because I think it was when I could take care of my own parents and I thought that was cool, like and I was like yes, maybe that's it like maybe that's what I left from my mom and like my sisters and things like that, and so I don't know, I haven't figured that out yet.
Speaker 3:I'm still chasing that.
Speaker 2:So I mean, I mean actually, what is what is success like? We all have our own definition of it and there's no right or wrong. You know answer, but you know people look at success in like a different way. So I'm curious what are you? How would you define it?
Speaker 3:Everybody's. Obviously everybody's situation is different. I think, for me, growing up, like the way we did, like you know, we didn't have a two parent column, it was one parent. Grandma, aunts, you know, take care of each other. And I think, when I saw all that like as I got older, and I saw like how much, like hey, we couldn't.
Speaker 3:You know, you don't and when you're in it, you don't really realize it, like when you're a kid, you're just being a kid you don't really realize hey, we don't have money for this, we don't have money for that and until you get a bit older and you start understanding the value of a dollar and you start understanding okay, this is why we couldn't do this and this is why we. This was this situation and you know what happened and when I realized that, especially when I was, when I started working and learned the value of a dollar, it scared the life out, because when I used to have to live like paycheck to paycheck ride my bike and couldn't you know, afford gas and and things like that.
Speaker 3:And you know, there's days you're just like what I do, like what am I gonna do? Like I'm going broke here, and that taught me a lot and scared me to where I've never wanted to be in a situation again like it terrifies me. Even so, this day it still terrifies me, like I'm a bit of a head case, like I'll I still like will look at my bank account and I can't let it drop below this. It's like a numbers game and I'm not wealthy by any means or rich or anything like that. I mean I'm fine, but I still have these standards. I settle myself because it scares me and so I try to be on the the furthest end of that, you know, because I don't want to struggle, like that I don't have to worry about, like where my next meal is coming from and and that scares me enough to keep grinding and keep doing something, or sell this, or sell that, or whatever maybe yeah, that's for me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what it does for me, because at the end of the day, like as long as, like, I'm keeping everything else afloat, that's fine. But on the other side of it like that's what does it for me. That's my drive to not be there and I didn't want to, you know, have to have others worry about things like we did.
Speaker 2:More growing up, yeah, for sure but I'll say this, man my definition of success changed when I was getting divorced because society says you have to have, you know, the house in the car and all the cool high tech things and refrigerator at the bed that vibrated, and 3000 square foot home and we had three cars and we were living the dream that people thought you would want to live on the outside, but on the inside it was just chaotic. It was hell not on on her part, but on me, just not living my life the right way and getting that divorce and going through the mental struggles of Not feeling enough or not feeling worthy or not being wanted. I start to dig deeper in the why of why I was here, and the why of why I am here is to try to educate and motivate and inspire people, especially the next generation, to do better than me. Right, and so at my it, my definition of success change from the the money aspect because you, you got to have money. I mean money is just something that you got to have, you got to take care of bills, but to me, now on, success is being around people who Can motivate, inspire and push you to be better, and then, in return, giving to people that need motivation, inspiration and they need that.
Speaker 2:That like pick me up of, like, hey, you know I'm here and I'm trying to get here, and so you know, my goal now is and you know the way I view success now is if I can help someone in need and anything. So I usually. We went volunteered yesterday with Mills on wheels and the Red Cross and we put fire alarms and the older folks home that didn't have fire alarms I mean it's crazy. Yeah, they did not have fire alarms. And so you know me, I'm not that great of a handyman, but I'm a handy enough man. I got a girl out of Lada.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 2:But, but no, I mean that's that. That's where I get like my my pleasure and my success from. Is like that, the give back to helping out like I. I usually volunteer once a week.
Speaker 2:It is on a weekend, or there's something I do once a week just to try to help me Inspire and motivate the people to meet. Now I think that's what, what success? Well, what it is now, because, again, back in the day, was it was? It was it was all about the, the outside. But then when people really got to look on the outside, on the inside it was, it was toe up for show.
Speaker 3:We got cuz, even like when, like when I grew up, we didn't know much.
Speaker 3:I still live in the you know I still live my grandma's house that I grew up and we moved in. Now that what she was living here and what she moved from out of town she moved back and I left it to a mom or whatever, back and forth, and then when she passed away, it's just the same house that I lived in with her there. I knew nothing other than that I live in an apartment in college and then when she got sick I moved in her house, like in 1415, and when she passed in 20, at around that time I remember I was looking for a house. I always want them all, like one, one place, yeah. And then I Felt like I got kind of stuck there in a sense, and I still I'm and there's I couldn't take and most of us.
Speaker 3:Facebook feed is filled with so many realtor now. But I look at all these houses and there's a lot of times I look at those go man, I would love to have that house and Can I afford it? Probably. But but it's a comfort thing where I'm at and I'm also terrified of leaving there. Yeah, I get such a heavy like Emotional burden and things like that and the memories, whatever. But growing up we never like outside of those neighborhoods. Like you know, the only time we look at big fancy houses is going Christmas time. Yeah, and we buy man's house. It's cool. We never understood all that stuff. The same thing like with cars, but I always saw that people in school had cool cars and back when we're growing up we start to share one car, like me along my sister and things like that. And when I finally got my first car thought it was cool, it's car wanted. We had the station wagon.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the backseat turn. So we should have backseat, like I had the people driving yes, yes, it was, it was.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's not like growing up, though we never knew that, we just knew sharing things like that.
Speaker 4:For sure.
Speaker 3:So the other side is like I'm not a big, like like I'm really not. People give me crap because you know One of the cars that drive on my mind BMW but when I got my friend.
Speaker 2:He said one of the cars.
Speaker 3:And it's like kind of a good junk car, because just a day driver it's nothing special. But when I drive the BMW, always get confidence on it, which is cool. They're not always thinking it's funny, but I always made jokes about it. But I remember when I first got that car I was like I'm gonna get something. I want, like I'm gonna something want. Do I need it? Absolutely not got one.
Speaker 4:Yes, because it does make me happy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a it's just like a. It makes me happy, like I enjoyed Drive, that I hardly ever take it out, but when I'm in it it makes you feel good and I go back to the Honda. It's like more of a humbling thing, but it's really cool Sometimes in the sense of when I'm driving it and that's it happened yesterday was in it, there's kids passing by. I was going all that market street and little girls were looking at them. Mom, that's a cool car, and heard a little sister, he has it.
Speaker 3:I love the color and I think something that's cool. And there's been a handful of times where kids like working or like it happens all time to Chick-fil-A, if I have it. Hey, man, like what do you do for a living? And blah blah and I and I really don't ever.
Speaker 3:I just tell my, hey, I'm a trainer, I don't plunk too much. I'm like, hey, I have this, I have that. I don't care for that. But I always make sure that I tell people, like, man, like I work hard, yeah, like I work hard for a half, yeah, doesn't matter what I do, for sure I keep work harder. That's it, because I don't care to go about not that shit. It's just like, hey, you work hard, you can read these benefits, things like that. Like you, you can.
Speaker 3:You know when you work hard, don't look at the clock, you know. And if you're checking the clock, it's not like, hey, how much time I have left? It's no, it's how much time do you have left to work? Yeah, you know Well how much work can you get done in that that last 30 seconds, or maybe I don't see it's all 30 seconds. Let's take it off. No, it's like, hey, we're gonna grind. Yeah, and I always make sure the people that message because I don't want to convey the wrong message and it's a little things like that, like I try to pay for it in that way.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's mental aspect.
Speaker 2:And that's the second. That is success too, man. They tell him people like, hey, you just got to. You know you got to work hard. People just assume like you got when you got to it's all funny gangs and like it. But I mean, no one knows the hard work it was that was put into to get to where Anyone has gotten to, to where they can like live a certain way in their life. And if nothing, you know Nothing wrong with that at all whatsoever. Yeah, I work hard for mine, you know. But I want to, you know, again, buy something, I think, something that's gonna be happy, that's gonna make me happy then a lot of times I mean obviously yes, social media has lots of do that.
Speaker 3:When people like you know they do the whole. Compare this family looks so happy and I'm living my shit and they're this and that, but a lot of it's just a facade. I mean, a lot of people just live in a line for sure. A lot of you just putting out there what looks good and and things like that and like you always see those comments over even like with people like that when they post couple pictures. Yeah, people the comments go. Oh my god, you look so happy. I'm happy about these posts.
Speaker 2:look like pictures they're supposed to look like shit, or you posted not smile like.
Speaker 3:No shit, like, yeah, they look happy, but but a lot of times, you know, some of those people are living their nightmare and they just do that stuff as a Fluff, yeah, and they put on a show for people and but they're really screaming for help. Yeah, you know, I've seen that so much, and so some of that stuff is wild and you're chasing someone's, Someone else's dreams. You're too busy going down a hole that you're never gonna recover from. You're just chasing something else. Yeah, I'm part of yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, so we went, uh, we went all out and hung out a couple weeks back, and it's something that doesn't happen often. Beneath that happened more that it was five guys in a room. Oh yeah, haha, the way to start off.
Speaker 2:Man, start off too well but there were five guys in the room and we were just hanging out about to go To downtown a six-street and Justin brought up like hey man just, let's just have a conversation about what you're thankful for, about the people that's in the room, and at first it was a Me being a goofy, you know saying stupid stuff, but then I realized they're okay, not a banger, oh, I prefer a thought like cool, let's just, let's go. So I went first and we kind of went around the room. They got emotional and I think that that is something that a lot of men want, but they are. They don't have the people in their life that are willing to be vulnerable enough to do it, and then to they just feel like that's not what a man should do, but it's something that man. I needed to hear. You know those words, and I'm pretty sure the people in the room needed to hear.
Speaker 4:That you are good dude that you know things are.
Speaker 2:You know might not be going the way you want them to, but I see you as a man doing amazing things and I think that is awesome. So Just you know why. Why do you feel like you know that's important for for men to to have conversations and to build each other up and talk about the things that they're doing in their lives?
Speaker 3:Well, we had that moment of school. Yes, we're joking about it, we're having a good time drinking all this stuff, whatever, but I don't drink, but I thought that was cool moment to have. I I I've had a little one-for-one like other friends, nothing, but not to that extent, not with, you know, a Room full of just dudes, like five dudes just going back and forth and everybody on the forefront doing that, and it is a lot of pressure because, just as a man, you're always so awkward telling, oh you don't want to feel vulnerable and nobody does. What have you? And I used to be like super closed off and really when I started doing a bunch of that is when we had our first friends giving and that's when we, you know the usual go around the room and say what you're thankful for. And I remember that first one. Like I got choked up like crap, like what is happening here.
Speaker 4:And.
Speaker 3:I think you know every year we do that it pulls on me and so to have the moment that we had in Austin on a more intimate level, it was really cool. Like it was just cool to be able to open up like that and to go okay, like this is a safe place. And I feel the same way with the gym as well, because a guy saw what if these people went and said, oh, justin, cried at the friend's giving and blah, blah, like I used to be a head case about that. But then the day I thought what does it matter? Like this is me speaking like real, like this is me real.
Speaker 3:If you don't want to be real about it and you want to hide your shit, cool, I'll be upfront. Like it took me a lot every year. It's still like shit, my turn, that type of thing, but a lot of it just pulls on me in motion, but it is because I care. I mean a lot of it is because I care and it is very heavy, like when you go around a room and someone you know may say something different than they said last year, or something that you didn't know they're going to but that you actually helped them with it.
Speaker 3:And it's just like damn, like I never saw that coming and so it's a lot to wear on my heart, like it's kind of damn, like this is something special and stuff like that. So when we do that with the friends giving I feel like it too. It takes a little bit of pressure off people and it feels good just to release it. And when you're in that room with all the like-minded individuals and the different degrees of conversations that we have or that people say, it's just a cool moment and no matter what, like you always have that moment, regardless, you know, when you move forward. And like when me and the guys had that, it was just for that moment. It almost felt a little bit surreal, like we were all the cutting up, joking, ha ha, drinking, playing games, whatever. And then in an instant it's like we got serious and we had that moment and we all like it was a deep moment and it was cool. And then we just kind of just took a picture, took a picture, got out of it and it was cool, like in a school, right back, just cutting up and playing around. But we had that moment and for that little bit of time we grew close to one another and I think a lot of men should have that, even in women as well like it's just a cool thing to be able to go. Hey, like, let's all go around and just say how much we appreciate one another. Say something nice about everyone in the room.
Speaker 3:You may be in a room with people that you don't like. There's something that like they may not be your person, but you may like their haircut, you may like their outfit they're wearing. You can that one little thing can do more for that. Because they sit there and think I don't like you, blah, blah, blah. And then you're like hey, I like your hair today. You'll take them back and kind of go, oh huh, like, all right. And then boom, right there and there it changes the narrative of how that person feels about you.
Speaker 4:Because of that one little thing, and who knows?
Speaker 3:it could cultivate something bigger because of that. So it's just, I think it's very cool and important to have those moments to share that with, like your brothers and sisters, and to move a relationship forward. Because of that. It's so easy, it's such a simple thing. It's such a simple thing, but something will make it the hardest thing. But, man, when you can do that, it's a.
Speaker 2:They make it hard because and I, used to make it hard because I allowed my ego to get involved in having a conversation or giving someone a compliment. I'd be a head case, or what if they think this, or what if they think that, or what if they don't say it? At the end of the day it's like I don't want you to say anything back and I want you to know like hey, I appreciate you, and then you don't gotta say nothing back to me and I'm totally fine with that. But it was a to me, it was an ego thing for a long time. I'm just like I can't say it because they didn't say it first and you know, but it was like that for me too.
Speaker 3:I used to always be that way and I used to have a high log motion. But really what, my man, what changed a lot for me and a lot of just Like my vision on a lot of things and my thoughts on a lot of things, was when my grandma passed. It was just like, ah, I mean, that crushed me and it really did change a lot for me in how vulnerable I was and what I would give to people, because before that I didn't give a lot, like I'm still very, I'm a very private person, but after that it just it shook me Because I've never lost to be that close Like that, like I'm not, and I thought, okay, like this has to change, the harm's has to change. And it does change people a lot when you lose someone that close Like death, from a distance, not the same as you know when it's very like front facing for you.
Speaker 3:But she passed and I saw how many people showed up for me and my family, like I wanted to give that back, like I want to give that back to any facet, like before you know, something bad happens and things like that. And I think when you finally realize that man. It's very freeing. It's very freeing and your relationships with people can grow a lot closer In the same sense. So those people have to be willing to have hard conversations with you. They have to be willing to stand you know, with you when you, you know, call them out on stuff, as well as when you give them the grace.
Speaker 1:I mean because there's a lot of people that can't handle that.
Speaker 3:And then it's like oh well, you should have said that, because blah, blah, blah, they take it so personal and they take it another way. And that's something that can give you growth. I mean you're going to be stagnant if you don't allow those conversations to happen.
Speaker 2:in my opinion, yeah, yeah, and those conversations are tough, but they're some of the best conversations I've ever had in my life. So what are areas of personal growth and self-improvement do you think are significant for men? To grow your calves?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think I could I know.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't think that's happening. Just put some steroids in them back.
Speaker 3:I think, man I think, as a man, you really have to figure out what's going to drive you and also, in the same sense, what's going to bring you your peace and what's going to make you happy in a sense, because you know it's like you say, if you're not happy, other people around you are not happy. You're always in a bad mood and you think the world sucks and this, and that then people aren't going to want to be around you.
Speaker 2:So that saying happy life, happy wife is bullshit, then I'm just kidding. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, I've been very excited oh there's been that.
Speaker 2:We've been having a whole conversation about it at one point in there. It's just stupid.
Speaker 4:My bad, I'm sorry I digress.
Speaker 2:I've been very excited. I don't know.
Speaker 3:Happy girlfriend, happy life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think everybody but I do think, like obviously you're going to go through ups and downs, but like if I'm always doing something out, like if I'm always once that job that I don't enjoy and I'm in love, I'm not going to be in a good mood. I'm always going to be pissed off and you know to be there when I get home, complain, complain, complain until it's out of my life. And then you know, especially your home life. You take that home or your home life. You're just going to seep into your relationship with a girlfriend or wife. You're going to seep into kids. You're going to seep into that Just all around. Like if you don't have that growth on your own, you can't grow as a group, I mean it's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:And I would say, a lot of times suicide happens because you're doing something that you don't want to do and you don't have the courage to stop doing it because you feel like society says that's what you have to do in order to be a man. You stay stuck in these pockets of being with somebody you don't want to be with, staying out of job, you don't want to stay at acting a certain way because you feel like that's how you need to act. And people you know they probably talk I know people do talk like oh, you changed jobs a lot.
Speaker 2:I am a suicidal person, like I've already accepted that of like if my life isn't going where I feel like it should go, if I'm not doing things that I know I should be doing, then it's like I don't want to be here anymore and so, since I've already experienced it and know what that is, I don't put myself in situations or put myself in places where I'm going to get to that like mindset and so I would 100% walk away from a person or a job or things that just aren't bringing me, fulfill me, because I know where it leads me.
Speaker 2:It leads me down this dark path and you know, and I also know, if I keep following along this dark path, it's going to lead me to death. And so it's like it's one of those things like like I'll be super quick to like move away or figure it out, because at the end of the day, I know that if I don't, if I stay in situations that I don't need to stay in, I'm going to find myself in this bad headspace and then no one around you could say or do anything to make you feel some type of way, because it's within you. And then you just go down this dark spiral and then boom, you know, you're there, rock bottom, trying to put a gun to your head and pull the trigger.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I mean I know you obviously hear a lot of people or mostly guys do it to other guys, but like, if someone commits suicide, they're like oh, they took the easy way out, for sure they did this.
Speaker 3:I could never see myself doing that For sure. Yeah, all that shit, but it's not necessarily an easy way out. That person was likely dealing with something for a long time. Life was not something that would just happen like over a day or a week. I mean, it was something cultivating for months or years. It's not this to say it's an easy way out of things.
Speaker 2:To say it's an easy way out is to not understand what that person has gone through, and you might not have ever gone through it and I pray to God that you never go through it.
Speaker 3:Exactly, it's like okay, like you say that all you want.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 3:Easy way out blah, blah, but you're not going through it, or you're doing some other shit, like whatever.
Speaker 3:Like that person is their own person, like you can't judge that and sit there and say I could never see myself. And it's like, well, I'm sure you've done shit that other people have said. I can't see myself doing that, yeah. And so Nick Pickett has a little ridiculous and I always thought stuff like that. So like when I went through that stuff and I was in that depression and it wasn't just, it was, you know, over a year, almost two years, of just dealing with shit, yeah, and all that pressure, and you're like what the fuck? And it was never just like, oh hey, I'm just thinking about this thing today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was just, it was just it was big Before I was saying every so often like God damn, you'll be hard, even if I weren't fucking here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like it really doesn't. And to, and I would say, like when you're in that spot, it's, it's you not want to talk to anybody?
Speaker 1:So that pressure is just mounting.
Speaker 3:Everything's just building up. Every time it happens it builds up and then You're sitting there like I just don't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1:I'm exhausted just mentally.
Speaker 3:I'm tired of putting myself through this. I don't know how to pull myself out of it. Yeah, I'm embarrassed, all these things. You don't want to look like a fool for your friends, and you know the list goes on and a lot of people don't understand that and they just think it's like this quick little, just happen. I'm no, it's like, no, like there's a lot of people because they don't want to talk about shit. Yeah, I don't want to say anything. They don't know what's reaching out and they may have that smaller face, but they're putting on a show, yeah, for everybody else.
Speaker 3:And then it happens here and the next thing you know you're at the gravesite, asking yourself a bunch of questions, and that's the scary deal and which is why you should have the tough conversations, no matter how hard it is. Like yeah, like that, put yourself out there, at least be vulnerable a little bit, just just to test out the waters. You know, see what comes from it, because the other side of it is, you know you going down this path that you don't want to go down, and you're next thing, you know You're, you know you're six feet under, or you're dealing with like alcoholism, or you know the drug, eat yourself like that, yeah, and then it's so late to try to save anything. You know that's, that's hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is, it is so my self-improvement To that question areas of personal growth and self-improvement.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you this.
Speaker 2:My life Did not change until I started to be accountable for the dumb shit I was I was doing, because a lot of times, people like to blame Other people for why their life is the way it is and they don't want to take accountability of.
Speaker 2:Bro, look in the mirror. Whatever you're doing is because of the choices and decisions that you were making right, and my personal growth journey started when I realized that, bro, you are the issue, you are the problem, and you have to fix it, because no one else is going to to fix it. And so Accountability for me is is is one thing that I know that if, if men could be more Accountable for their actions and for the things that they do, their life will 100% Get better. But in doing that it, you have to go down this, this dark path of like dealing with all the demons that you have that are inside of you, because we all have, you know, things that we want to run from. I don't want to face, I don't want to look at, and so you know, looking at those things and having a support system around you to Check in on you if you're going through something or if they see your energy is is off, they will reach out in and and have that conversation like, hey, what's going on with you?
Speaker 3:like you, if you're going down that path of trying to hold yourself accountable, you really have to be around people that are going to be supportive of you, taking accountability for your actions, because if you don't, it just kind of makes it like lonely or it makes it makes it feel like you're on the island All by yourself, which is crazy like with, with that like even I relate to a lot of that with training in the sense that, like with accountability, you can sit there and Like you, like I think you have certain obligations, you have certain responsibilities, obligations that you should never even know, or if you want to get Next level, be successful, whatever, maybe, relationships or life doll, whatever maybe and if you don't have that accountability, it's like, well, how do you think you're gonna move forward? In the same sense, like if I'm coaching somebody, like as far as an athlete, like, let's say, we, you know, to go to competition and I can, you know I'm not there, but I can't, I can't perform for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah like you're out there, you're doing your best and I can advocate for you. All I want. You obviously have to execute. The other side of it, though, is I can do my best to put you in a place where you, or I, feel you need to be To get the best out of you, and you just have to go and execute it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but if you don't want to hurt, you don't want to go there, it's like okay. Well, in that same sense, it's like okay, yes, it's still on you and you have to take accountability for that, but the same sense I do question myself of okay, could I have done this better for them? Could I have told them to go about this better? Should they? Should I have, you know, gave them this type of practice instead of this like, did I make them do one too many reps there and should save them for, you know, longevity in the workout yeah, you know, I also still look at that, and that's what keeps me going and to help put out a good product. Yeah, so it's a counter on both ends got you, and that's how you I'm not only can grow as a coach, but you also grows an athlete. So what?
Speaker 2:you're saying is like if you know, if you're in a place I'm trying to be accountable, you have to be with people who are also Trying to be accountable as well, because if you're the only one trying to be accountable specifically like it, because if I'm the only one trying to be accountable when you're not, then you're always gonna be blaming me for everything that, that that I'm doing, but I'm not doing anything. It's just you have to. It was just like you have to be 100%.
Speaker 3:You have to be present and the losses, just as you are in, the winds got you and if you're, if you're only Chasing these winds and you don't learn from the losses, I mean you're not really growing as an athlete or you're not growing as a coach. Yeah, it's cool to go and stand on top of a podium and say, yeah, of course you want all the fanfare that comes with that, but the moment that you're not on it, you're gonna beat yourself up and you're gonna have all these questions and things like that. So, okay, that's the time for growth and and to be accountable go okay.
Speaker 4:I got this place in because of why?
Speaker 3:yeah, I because of why you can sit there and make every excuse. You want the book, okay, cool, but why are you there? Yeah, and like, you have to come up with a reason, don't blame it on all the way. It was raining outside or there was this and that I woke up and I felt a little sluggish and Blah, blah, blah. You know you can make every excuse in the book, yeah, but actually taking the Calabash for what caused that is when and where you'll grow, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't get mad if you point shave or rep shave on on your Workouts at the gym and then you go to a competition and you finish In the bottom. You know half of the the competition. You can't get mad at anyone because you know for you within yourself, you know that you you can't count, or you chew, your chose not to count, or it got too hurt, it started to hurt too bad and so you didn't want to go through that pain.
Speaker 1:So you was like you know what?
Speaker 2:I'm? At 15 when you was really at 10. I've never done that before. Yeah, I'm done that. So last question how can we challenge and change their types associated with manhood through?
Speaker 3:Having the hard conversations and people accepting that, like you can't, even if Even if you've had them before, yeah, even if you've had them before with that same person they may have fallen off and and you bring that up again can reignite you know that inside of them, to where it triggers them to go. Okay, I need to do better in this aspect of my life and these are the ways I can do it. Yeah, yeah, it's if you have no plan, then what are you doing? If let's say it's you're always late all the time? Like, hey, man, like Need you start being warm time, I think, maybe waking up, try to wake up 30 minutes earlier every day, you know, maybe one bed 30 minutes earlier or changing the route you take to work, or things like that. Like if, if I just say, hey, you know why are you always late, or you could be late, but I'm not doing like way to act on it, I'm kind of doing your disservice.
Speaker 3:Did you may not see that you may not ever have thought of this idea or whatever, maybe.
Speaker 3:I know there's plenty of days when, like I know, we had a conversation things. Last Friday, that's for the friends giving I woke up a little bit later than usual, than my usual time. There was literally probably 35 minutes later. One usually wake up and I felt it, but like I was fine going to work, on the, on the drive to work out, damn, I feel tired, like I feel like my body was awake yet, and usually I like to get up early, kind of sit there in my thoughts a bit Take my time, not rush, because when you rush I think you're all over the place. Yeah, but take my time and and just like, settle into the morning, listen to some music, nice chill, ride to work, you know, have my water, coffee, whatever, maybe. And I feel so much better, yeah, as opposed to waking up late, rush not the door that I get.
Speaker 3:This isn't this. I mean, man, that that 30 minutes a lot of times just gets me going, yeah, fires me up. It's something that that I'll. I even Will wake up early, even though I program every workout, all that warm-up, I will still log in, see who's signed in, I'll still look at the workout over and over and over, I'll see who's in class and and okay, this person probably do this. His first point is you know, maybe has a nagging injury or Whatever it be. What if this person signs out like things like that what am I gonna do here, here and here? And I'm clocking it all in my head and how to time it better and I'm challenging myself to go through exactly what I just went through on the ride to work. Or I'm at home and when you're prepared like that, it feels flawless, like you're untouchable.
Speaker 2:Yeah and I I've been in places where I've been a spot where I wake up and 448 and I'm like, well, it's just gonna suck, and I'm over there Hoping that you don't get stopped by the police officer and like but if you just, it's the worst little things like that.
Speaker 3:You just you know all the simple things of you know setting, but reset all your alarms you know, I'm gonna move all my arms. I'm gonna move every single one five minutes ahead of where they were at now. Like how?
Speaker 1:easy is that. It's so simple as that.
Speaker 3:And a lot of people avoid doing that because they think negative firsts of the go man, I don't really wanna wake up that early. It's five minutes. What was that gonna change that? Five minutes can't be that little buffer that gets you going. You may have time to start to curate or make you like a bagel or something like that.
Speaker 4:You can make it simple, something simple.
Speaker 3:But that task is now done, that five minutes is fulfilled, you use that time effectively. Boom, you're on to what's the next thing? And a lot of people, if you make that quick little change, think about that over the course of a week, now a month, then a year, now little things like that. It's just all. It's a mental state.
Speaker 2:For a week. That's 35 minutes extra that you can like.
Speaker 1:Or can you do that?
Speaker 2:you're processing it you know what I mean. So, yeah, that's crazy. I think there's a stereotype about men where, for some odd reason, society is trying to make us all to be monsters. And I would challenge the stereotype and say it's okay to be a monster. As a man, I feel like you have to be a monster. You just have to learn how to control the monster from within. No one wants like if I look around society, no one wants a weak man. Those men who are weak or men who don't have a lot of things in their life Like I have to have like a mentality of like if you try it, I'm willing to die for it, and there has to be certain things that you're willing to die for. And I feel like society is trying to make it out to be like a negative thing of like men being monsters or men being violent or men putting their life on the line and willing to die for things in their life.
Speaker 2:And I say that that is where real manhood is. It's not in the hiding and the running and the being afraid of things. It's in the somebody hit your daughter or somebody's trying to attack your son or someone's trying to come into your house. It's being that person that's going to try to help and protect. But also be that guy who is open and vulnerable and, like I, can be a monster and still be loving and nice and not controlling, and not me, it's just. I know when to pull it out, I know when to put it back in. I think a lot of times people, a lot of men have been taught to let that monster out, but not how to like to tame the monster.
Speaker 3:A lot of guys too they think that you have to be this badass once you go to the fore and motion one. A lot of time. Some of those guys, the biggest, I mean biggest- push. They would get worked over and hurt you and they really have no idea. And I always think that's funny with a lot of people because I mean, I've been there, done that Like, and I always thought, oh, you can't show emotion, you have to be this badass, and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3:But I can still cry, I can still have my sad moment and pull myself out of that and still take care of my responsibilities, still be loving, still care for my mom and things like that. Because you're one little natural disaster, you're one heart attack away from you being a big old push, you being in that hospital bed crying for your mother and the other side of it, something happens to your mom. That guy that tried to be this machismo badass is right there that bed's like crying his eyes out and all you had to do was be a big boy.
Speaker 1:All you had to do, but you waited for the shit moment to bring it to your knees and that's dumb and that's dumb.
Speaker 3:We've talked about several times before too. In relationships and just in life, a man is worth more than just paying the bills.
Speaker 2:For sure that is not his purpose in life and a woman is worth more than just cooking and cleaning and all that.
Speaker 3:they're doing all the stuff Because we all talk about how good would it feel if the man comes home from work. Why so there's slave over dinner, whatever it is doing laundry dishes? If the husband comes home and goes hey babe, tap your shoulder, grab you, give you a hug, kiss, says I got the dishes tonight, I'm gonna make dinner tonight, I'm gonna throw trash tonight. You cannot tell me that that would not give that woman like, for once she's gonna think you're joking because she's like what is happening right now.
Speaker 3:Who is this man? What?
Speaker 2:did he do what?
Speaker 3:happened.
Speaker 1:This has never happened before.
Speaker 3:But the amount of just the pressure or the task that it takes off of their day. I mean, it's a lot and they should get a little wet wet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or she's like what is this guy?
Speaker 2:Who is this guy?
Speaker 3:But it's worth more than that. You know, I've always known that. But one thing too that has brought it more to light is at the bar, like when I have to work some nights and we do have some like these older men that go in there and they're coming in fresh off their job. They just got off work and they're literally like, hey, what can $4 get me? Yeah, and a lot of times I'm just there like shit, like you know it can get you a beer, yeah.
Speaker 3:And then I'm like man, I got $3, can I get one more? And you feel bad, like damn man, like I don't wanna be like that and like I don't want to use my last dollars just for a beer. And they're going through something more than that and had they had those conversations maybe and they had a different route or something to help pull them away from that. They may not be living like that. They may not be just scrounging up, you know, a few dollars for one beer and then they go home.
Speaker 4:And I always wonder about those people.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I always wonder about those people like what's where they going, Like what's happening when they go home, and just how we talk about Austin, like those people that are there like wash your windows, Like I'm like what happened to get you there, Whether it be drugs, alcohol, but there's something that happened, you know, and that's, I think, a lot of times, a hard conversation can usually help save a lot of people.
Speaker 2:For sure, and I think when I say men have to be monsters, we have to be monsters when it comes to our discipline.
Speaker 2:We have to be monsters when we don't want to wake up, but we have to wake up because we know that our life depends on it and everyone else's life that is in our circle also depends on it as well.
Speaker 2:So it's not like a, you know, a monster need to. I need to go out there and like beat up people, but it's a monster, as in a fact of. Like you know, I don't want to quit because life will get hard, and when it gets hard, that's who you are, who you truly are. Like, if anything, when I was in Iraq and there were guys that I thought were like badasses, like oh, I don't want to be this guy or that guy, but when bullets started flying by your face, you saw some of those guys like nut up, just straight fear, just like you know, fove couldn't shoot, curl up in a bar in your head. You're like, oh crap, like I thought that guy was like a badass guy, but he wasn't once life, possibly in a face. And that's whenever you get to find out who you are as a person.
Speaker 3:Well, it's just like when we're on the road. And I was telling about that. The old man that I saw at the gas station that flat tire, and I helped him change the tire.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3:That blew my mind that he couldn't change the tire At 60. I was like what is going on here and I was like this is crazy. Like how did you get this far in life? Like I learned just the simple things of how to change the tire.
Speaker 3:And maybe there's some disconnect never had to maybe privilege life or whatever it may be, or maybe you know that wasn't around and maybe never had a flat tire, but just little, simple things like that like to see you have all the tools there, see the patterns of the tools and you don't know how to go. This goes here. This goes here.
Speaker 3:It just blew my mind and like there's several things like that that a lot of people don't know, in life and don't do, and that's scary, like to me that's scary because there's some disconnect somewhere and if it takes a bit of just, if a guy that becomes born with those, hey, I don't know how to do this. Can you help me out? Yeah, like, is there any way?
Speaker 2:There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, nothing wrong with that, but so many times people don't like that it makes you a better person, like to be man enough to ask for help, to say, hey, I don't know how to do this, and then maybe that person can help, or am I not? I didn't know how to change a car battery Stupid and I asked for help and I felt like people were trying to get me for more money than what it needed to be.
Speaker 2:So I got on YouTube. Took me three hours, but guess what, this shit worked. You know what? I mean, I took out the old body, put the new battery in, put everything together and I was good to go. But in my head I'm just like man, like you know, at 37, I never had that opportunity, or no one ever had you know, ever said like, hey, this is how you change a car battery.
Speaker 2:And so, you know, at 37, I had to learn how to do it, but like there are people out there that are willing to like to help If you're willing to be vulnerable enough to ask the questions, because no one can read your mind, no one knows what you need in this life, and so, yeah, even like making like, even if it helps to make fun of yourself too, that's right.
Speaker 3:So about a month ago I go to have my coffee in the far west. That's my spot and I feel good there. Like I feel that's my comfort spot and I've never had their drip coffee. I was good kind of good Same thing mostly.
Speaker 4:I was like man, I'm gonna try the drip coffee today.
Speaker 3:Long old line on Saturday morning. She's out the door. I was like man, I get there and they only have one red strobe. And at the time I asked the lady, I'm gonna have the, I'll have the drip coffee. And she goes okay, what you thinking? And I looked there and go, I'll leave them one. I said the drip coffee and she goes. Yeah, what are you thinking?
Speaker 4:Like all super bubbly.
Speaker 3:And I looked there and said I don't know what you're talking about. And I just like smiled and she goes what do you mean? I said what do you mean? I said I just want the drip coffee. And she goes one second and she backs away, opens up this bottom cabinet and pulls out five bags of coffee beans and puts them on the counter and I'm like, oh shit, she wanted me to choose, she was what you want, I wanted. I had no clue.
Speaker 3:As much as I go there, I feel like a jackass and I looked and I saw that line and I just felt myself on fire. I said oh my God.
Speaker 4:And I started looking at him real quick and I was like ah, is it not that one?
Speaker 3:Not that one, not that one.
Speaker 1:And I asked her which one do you?
Speaker 3:recommend and she goes. I kind of like this one. Cool, we'll go with it. And I even told her. I said I feel like such a jackass just now.
Speaker 1:And she goes.
Speaker 3:No, it's fine. It's fine it's because some people know, some people don't, and she was real cool about it. But man, for that moment I know I do she's talking and I go there all the time, so I was like she's fine, this guy's stupid. But it felt good knowing now, okay, I like that coffee that I had. Now I know, hey, drip coffee, I'll have this and Sif, was that in and out of there? But it took that moment of getting humble, but I grew from it. I learned from it.
Speaker 2:I guess that's the beauty of it. It's never a and I've put myself in crazy situations like crazy situations, but it's never a like oh my gosh, my life is going to go away, you can learn from it and then move on. That's the beauty of life, it's the process of elimination.
Speaker 4:But this didn't work. Well, let me go ask this person. And this didn't work.
Speaker 2:Well, I asked this person. There was an asshole about it. Well, I'm never going to ask that person again because they don't want to give like, they don't want to seem to give back, and so I can ask somebody else. There's always someone willing to give out information that you need in order to be your best self, and so you should never be afraid to like ask the question, because at some point we're all going to have to ask the damn question.
Speaker 2:So wait. Well, that's it, man. Appreciate you jumping on. Now we've got to walk back to the gym. Yeah, we walked over here.
Speaker 3:We walked over here.
Speaker 2:So we want to walk back. So if anyone haven't told you today that they love you let me be the first to say I love you. You are awesome. You are amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier. You get stronger. Do you have anything else you want to add or say?
Speaker 3:If you want to work out, you want to sign up. Cross fit 432, find us on all social media platforms get you right, get you tight and if you want to have a good drink, a double week bar. Social media platforms, hit us up. Cheap drinks, good environment, and that's about it.
Speaker 2:Is that like a three day pass or a four day pass?
Speaker 3:Yeah, we do offer a few days trial, a few free dates at the gym before anyone commits to it. It's really not scary. We have a good coaching staff. Everybody's on board. It is not how they make it seem online or wherever you see it. It's very structured and we'll get you right. Show up, show us the hardest part. It's got to get there, yeah.
Speaker 2:Get you right, get you tight for this Get you right, get you tight before the New Year's, when you get in the New Year, you can already be right and tight. Come on man, that's a great yeah. All right, y'all have a good one. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode and for daily motivational and up to date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at excellenceabovetalent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.
