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Excellence Above Talent Podcast
The Excellence Above Talent podcast was started because of death trauma and pain. Men are 3.6 times more likely to commit suicide than women. Men predominantly do the violence that happens in the US. Men in the United States predominantly commit domestic violence and sexual assaults. Ninety percent of the prison population are men. I want to start a conversation to get clarity and insight on why this is happening. Families are being destroyed, lives are being lost, and people are hurting from the hands of men, men who were supposed to be the providers and protectors of their families. As a BIPP (Batterer’s Intervention and Prevention Program) Director for 4 years, I have had numerous conversations with men about why they thought abuse was necessary or did not even know they were abusers. The conversation had in our class helped open my eyes and the eyes of other men. I found out that men want to talk about these issues, but there is no platform or space, so we keep quiet, not wanting to challenge the status quo. The Excellence Above Talent podcast will do just that; it will challenge everything we think manhood is. Join the conversation and let us fight for the state of man because this next generation of young men needs us too.
Excellence Above Talent Podcast
Aaron Thomas's Tale of Overcoming Cyber Seduction and Reclaiming Life
Embarking on this episode, I unravel the threads of enticement that weave through the fabric of social media and the deceptive allure of superficial attractions. This journey is not just an outward quest but an inward odyssey, confronting the depths of our desires, understanding the distinction between looking and lusting, and embracing the vulnerability that comes with such stark honesty. As we navigate these revelations, I emphasize the powerful symbiosis of faith and action, the transformative shift from distraction to devotion—to family, self-improvement, and authentic connections. To those of you fighting this invisible foe or any other that threatens to undermine the essence of who you are, let's walk together with courage, unraveling the hold of addiction and stepping into a realm of genuine fulfillment.
#excellenceabovetalent #EAT #dontgiveup #youdeservethebest #youareenough ...
You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.
Speaker 2:What's up, my beautiful people? This is Aaron Thomas from Excellence Above Talent. So school, just let out. I did my first year as a teacher. It was a crazy experience, but that is not what I'm going to be talking about today on my podcast. But it's going to be a late night, early morning type of thing.
Speaker 2:My girl took me to the movies to celebrate my first year of teaching. We went to go see Furiosa Pretty good movie, not better than Mad Max the first movie. We did the 10 o'clock showing, so we didn't get home till about one o'clock. And then my homeboy, who is not going to be in town Monday, wants to do the Murph at 4 am in the morning, and so I'm thinking about doing it. But I still have one more day of professional development at school, so this weekend will probably be a little bit crazy, but what is life if you can't have a little crazy in it?
Speaker 2:I wanted to talk about pornography and the battle I have had with pornography most of my life, starting at the age of 10 till about 35, 36, 35, 36. Battling the scars that were created from my watching of pornography and it's never a excuse, but because I watched it and created a mindset that I had towards women and it wasn't a mindset that I would want any young boy to have my nephews, my sons and so I felt like I had to attack this issue that was in my life. You could say it was an addiction, because it was 25 years off and on, but that's what I ran to whenever life sucked, when I was overwhelmed or didn't feel enough, wanted more Got rejected. It was easy to go into a dark room, shut the lights off, pull up a video and go to town. But here lately, like a year and a half, I have really made a conscious effort and I think that is the biggest thing for me a conscious effort to pay attention to why I was doing what I was doing and not like thinking about why I was doing it.
Speaker 2:There were a lot of different reasons why my first marriage didn't work, but I think pornography played a huge factor in why it didn't work. Not because I was just doing it all the time and I, you know, was trying to hide it because I had those conversations with my ex-wife it was the watching of pornography that created a appetite that could not be quenched, a thirst that could not be quenched Like it was. I was fiending for it and I heard a lot of people along the my path that I call life, because I could not get my pornography use under control. So about a year and a half ago, I downloaded an app where you just you couldn't. There was no way you could watch it for six months. So I would try to go to Instagram and get big booty girls and things of that nature, but it wasn't enough because my mind was already warped with what I could be watching. So I would just take my butt to bed, like it is what it is.
Speaker 2:Some nights I would try to figure it out, but most nights I would just take my myself to bed and I got back into really focusing on my feelings, why I felt certain ways, and I also did not run from thoughts that came into my head. I would have these, I would let them play out in my head because it helped me in my process of trying to be better and get better. Instead of running from the thoughts the negative thoughts that I had, I would just deal with them, have that conversation with myself, and over time it became a lot easier, and I'm not saying I'm 100% not, but pornography isn't something that I'm running to when I feel any emotion in my life. It's a freeing thing, but it's also scary because you have to put something in that place in order to keep moving in your life. And I started to go to church, more work out. I think mentally getting to a gym and working out has really helped me in so many different ways. And then getting back into church having that connection has helped me in so many ways. Into church, having that connection has helped me in so many ways.
Speaker 2:This podcast talking to men and talking to people and trying to figure out ways that men could be better, has helped me tremendously in overcoming pornography. The main thing is God. I'm not going to circle anything. He has given me the strength to fight these thoughts in my head because at the end of the day, I want to live for him and I want to be a warrior in his army and I want to try to help as many people as possible if that is what his will allows.
Speaker 2:So I think a lot like my brain never goes off and I was thinking about my last marriage and what I could have done differently as a man to create a safer space for my spouse, and the first thing I should have done was address the issue of my pornography use up front was address the issue of my pornography use up front, tried to hide it, tried to not make it into a big issue. Everyone was doing it, so it's not something that should be tabooed. But every time I would watch porn and beat my meat I would feel some type of way afterwards Like disgusted, frustrated, upset, angry, because I knew that that's not how I should be living my life or what I should be doing in my life, and I was doing it anyway. So the first thing that I should have done differently was not put myself in a relationship knowing that I still had these struggles, because with those struggles comes all the things that come with it, and there might be a person that did not know you had those struggles and they're just. They're trusting you face value when you're not showing them the real you. That was the first thing Shouldn't have got into it until I had a hold or I was trying to figure it out. The second thing was I should have went to counseling to learn how to express my emotions and how to communicate in a way to where it didn't seem like I was being pushy or I was fiending for sex or demanding it.
Speaker 2:There were a lot of times where I would say things that wasn't very sexy and wouldn't get anyone in the mood, but then still expect someone to be in the mood when it's time to go to bed. And I think the one of the biggest things that I did when I felt rejected, when I felt like I didn't, or I felt like I communicated but wasn't heard, or I thought that this person should be a mind reader and should just know my needs If they wasn't met, I conjured up this mindset of rejection. And every time I felt rejected, I can go into the room, turn on a video, take care of business and go about my way. Communication became hard when wanting to express my needs of what I wanted or needed and watching porn became easier. So if my ex wanted to have sex and cool, I'm all for it, but if she didn't, that's also fine, because I'm not going to put myself out there, I'm not going to ask any questions, I'm just going to take care of it myself.
Speaker 2:And it's just crazy how I never questioned the legitimacy of those thoughts when they came up. It was just something that you do. So I did it and after a while you become desensitized to what sex should be about, that it should be about focusing on the person that you're with and making sure that they are taken care of, making sure they get theirs, because you know you're going to get yours. As a guy being in the moment, feeling those feelings, I was robbed of all of that because of my choice to watch porn. There wasn't a lot of feeling when it came to having sex.
Speaker 1:Now, you shouldn't have sex outside of marriage.
Speaker 2:I'm not condoning it, but I did it Outside of marriage, and in marriage it's just you as a man just want to get a nut off.
Speaker 2:Kind of like how, when you're watching porn and you're just trying to get a nut off. That's how it became for a majority of my life not caring about the other person, just making sure that I was good. But in this process of really soul searching and digging, I found out that I don't need pornography in my life in order to create a space where someone feels safe and loved. I got tired of it robbing me of friendships, because there were some friendships that should have stayed friendship, because I felt like I needed it or I would push the envelope, and those friendships became not friendships, friends with benefits, and you push a lot of people away because once they realize you are only in it for sex and nothing else, they feel betrayed or used and then you become a horrible person and they stop talking to you. A lot of my issues, a lot of my hurt, a lot of my trauma, a lot of me causing hurt, of me causing pain, of me causing trauma, was centered around pornography, and I want it to stop, because I'm in a relationship now and I want to create the safest place for the girl that I'm with now. I want her to feel loved, I want her to feel like she doesn't have to create a masculine space in her life to protect my feminine energy that I have because my emotions triggered a reaction and a lot of times that reaction was pornography. And to me and it's not in a negative way that was me operating in my feminine energy, where thoughts and emotions created an action versus thoughts and emotions created a thought so that I could figure out the best action for what I was thinking, and it wasn't just a quick I feel this way, I'm doing. If I feel this way, why do I feel this way? Can I look around and figure out what put me at this state so that if it's in a negative state or where, if it's in a state where I want to watch porn, I don't put myself in that situation?
Speaker 2:My algorithm for Facebook and Instagram one is pretty jacked up, but there were just a lot of big booty girls and thick women that if I was bored and I got on Facebook or Instagram and I would be clicking through, you'd find yourself 30 minutes into it like clicking on all of these different profiles and looking at all of these different women and at that point it's like, well, it's time you know what I mean like I'm I'm tired of looking at things that I could see just straight up, butt, booty, naked, getting destroyed, and then you, you jump into doing that and then boom, there you go, you've falling off that that wagon. So I started to try to change my algorithm, uh, saying that those videos were not interesting. I was not interested in those videos, and it's slowly getting better To where all these women aren't popping up on my Facebook or Instagram. It had nothing to do with them either. I have to be able to control my thoughts and I'm controlling it by making sure I don't see, because I maybe, like a week and a half, two weeks ago, just pulled in from school Trying to get out, just decompressing, get on Instagram. I don't know where this big booty white girl came from, but she popped through and I'm like, ah man. So then I'm clicking on her profile and I'm scrolling and then you start to have all these thoughts in your head and they're not thoughts that are going to lead to anything beneficial. And so, at five minutes into it, I snapped out like bro, it took me five minutes. But, bro, what are we doing? Why are we doing it and how did we get here? Dislike, dumbed down like stop giving energy to women who don't give energy back to you. There's a lot of women that take energy from you and that energy should be going towards your wife, your kids, your girlfriend, your job. It should be going towards things that are going to make you better as a man, versus things that are going to create chaos, hurt, pain, destruction, frustration.
Speaker 2:I had to take a step back and just realize, hey, this is the world that we live in. If you are a man that is trying to live the best life possible, you cannot get caught up in the looks, because just because something looks good doesn't mean it is good, and I found that out on numerous occasions. It looked good, it wasn't good, but my eyes Now one of the things that really helped me in my process of overcoming pornography. I had to challenge myself looking versus lusting, two totally different things Look oh, she's pretty, and then go about your business, or she has a cute body and going about your business versus, God, dog, the things I would do to her, which is also very creepy because you probably wouldn't do anything to her. But I started to challenge myself Stop lusting, because that's also a waste of energy and it's a sin and that would create a spiral. See lust, and I'm thinking about this person and you can go on porn and find a similar body type, color, height. You can find someone that looks like someone that you're lusting over or thinking about, and then, once you find it, oh, here we go Time to take care of business.
Speaker 2:Do I still struggle? Hell, yeah, I do. But is it something that has a stronghold over my life now? No, and it doesn't, because I've learned to be open, more open and more vulnerable in my feelings, my thought process, my emotions. If I'm feeling some type of way, I'm willing to have a conversation about it versus trying to deal with it on my own or by myself. It is a process and I'm enjoying the journey of relearning myself after creating this person that put porn over everything, because it was easier to self-medicate in a negative way than have a conversation about how I was really feeling, what my needs really were. So if you're struggling, if you want to be a better man and you're watching pornography, I would challenge you.
Speaker 2:There's apps all over social media, not social media. There's apps all over in your app store that can help you in the process of trying to be a better man. You can pray, you can ask God, and that is 100% something that he can deliver you from. And that is 100% something that he can deliver you from. But a lot of times I was praying and asking God, but not putting in the work in order to stop what I was doing. I prayed and asked God and that was it. I didn't download anything, I didn't stop lusting, I didn't stop doing the things I was doing. That created the space for me to go to porn. And you can pray and ask him all day long, but he can only help you if you help yourself.
Speaker 2:It's crazy because now that I think about it and I would have to do more research in the Bible but the people who got healed and delivered was always about that action. They came to him. He never went to them to say, hey, I'm going to heal your daughter or the woman with the issue of blood. He didn't go to her and say, hey, I'm going to heal what you have been dealing with for 12 years. The man who cut a hole in the roof and his friends lowered him down God didn't go to him. The guy that was blind at the gate of the city God did not go to him. They were seeking and searching and crying out and trying to figure out a way and they were working towards him and he met them where they were at and he gave them the power to see, to walk, to be healed, to raise from the dead. But it wasn't a one man street. It's not just him. You have to be in the mix as well. You have to be in the street and you have to be walking, and I think I figured that out a year and a half ago.
Speaker 2:Sometimes your actions dictate the prayers you want God to fulfill in your life. If they're in his will and you have made the effort and you're making the effort he will meet you and he will surpass all the things that you thought you ever wanted or needed and he will give you more because of the effort that you're putting into trying. David was a bad man, but the effort he put into trying made him a man after God's own heart. So if you're walking through a valley and it feels dark and you feel alone and you don't know if you can make it, let me be the first to let you know that you can make it. You just have to keep walking, scared, and all. You have to keep showing up for yourself each and every day, because God is with you. He's not putting more on you than you can bear. But you can't tell him how much you can and can't bear. He knows can bear, but you can't tell him how much you can and can't bear. He knows. Just keep moving forward. He sees you. He will meet you where he needs to meet you.
Speaker 2:And I am humbled and I am honored that struggling for 25 plus years to say the struggle isn't, as I'm making this word up, as I'm making this word up struggling anymore. It's something that I can, with the help of God, overcome. So if anyone hasn't told you today they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You're awesome. You're amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, but you will get stronger. Y'all have a good day.
Speaker 1:Bye-bye. Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode, and for daily motivational and up-to-date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up, and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.
