Excellence Above Talent Podcast
The Excellence Above Talent podcast was started because of death trauma and pain. Men are 3.6 times more likely to commit suicide than women. Men predominantly do the violence that happens in the US. Men in the United States predominantly commit domestic violence and sexual assaults. Ninety percent of the prison population are men. I want to start a conversation to get clarity and insight on why this is happening. Families are being destroyed, lives are being lost, and people are hurting from the hands of men, men who were supposed to be the providers and protectors of their families. As a BIPP (Batterer’s Intervention and Prevention Program) Director for 4 years, I have had numerous conversations with men about why they thought abuse was necessary or did not even know they were abusers. The conversation had in our class helped open my eyes and the eyes of other men. I found out that men want to talk about these issues, but there is no platform or space, so we keep quiet, not wanting to challenge the status quo. The Excellence Above Talent podcast will do just that; it will challenge everything we think manhood is. Join the conversation and let us fight for the state of man because this next generation of young men needs us too.
Excellence Above Talent Podcast
Breaking Down Barriers in the Conversation on Manhood
As I sat across from Keelan, Darrien, and Mavrick, the gravity of our conversation about manhood and masculinity couldn't be clearer. Together, we peeled back the layers of what it means to be a man in the fabric of today's society, where the threads of traditional and modern expectations are tightly interwoven. We brought our personal definitions to the table, grappling with the ideals of leadership, provision, and the stark reality that vulnerability remains a silent struggle for many. Our dialogue ventured into the realms of emotional expression and strength, challenging the stereotype that to be masculine is to be devoid of fear or softness.
In the company of my nephews, this heart-to-heart uncovered the monumental influence of male role models and the societal pressures that shape our very beings. We tackled hard-hitting topics, from male suicide rates to domestic violence, probing the depths of these issues with the hope of understanding and change. Our exchange transitioned from the societal to the personal, as we shared the trials and triumphs that young men encounter while forging their paths. The conversation was a testament to the courage of authenticity and the enduring quest to build legacies beyond material wealth, rooted in the strength of character and the power of mentorship. Join us in this profound reflection—a tribute to all men navigating their identity with purpose and integrity.
#excellenceabovetalent #EAT #dontgiveup #youdeservethebest #youareenough ...
You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.
Speaker 2:What's up, my beautiful people, aaron Thomas, with Excellence Above Talent, I am here with these three awesome young men that I have the pleasure of calling my nephews and we're just going to have a conversation about manhood, kind of what they're going through in their life, and so super excited and grateful to have this opportunity to sit and chat with them. So who wants to start first and introducing themselves?
Speaker 3:I'll go first. My name is Keelan Thomas. I'm a sophomore at Ryan High School.
Speaker 4:Cool, I'm Darian. Oh, I'm Darian, I'm 17. I'm a junior in high school and I go to Ryan High School as well.
Speaker 5:Awesome. Hi, my name is Marika Law. I'm an eighth grader and I go to Isle of Texas, arlington K-8.
Speaker 2:All right, so they're all in the DFW area. First question, my boys, is what does being a man mean to you personally? I'll go first.
Speaker 4:Okay, it means like it means providing and taking care of your family, Like that's, like that's what it means.
Speaker 3:Okay, I would say it means leading the household, just being there, making sure that the household has structure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, maturing, hey, maturing Dig more.
Speaker 5:What do you mean by maturing Like an age and the way you act?
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, so it's just like the older you get, the more mature you get. Alright, so how would you define masculinity?
Speaker 3:The trait of a man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or the trait of a man.
Speaker 3:No, I'm saying like I would define it as like the traits of a man.
Speaker 2:So what are the traits of men? Strong, okay, tough Leaders.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, leader Leader.
Speaker 2:What else Strong Tough?
Speaker 3:Leaders, yeah, leader.
Speaker 2:What else Smart?
Speaker 3:Like a foundation.
Speaker 2:So foundation, they're kind Vulnerable. Are they vulnerable Sometimes?
Speaker 3:Sometimes I've never seen masculinity and vulnerability equal.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 3:I've just never seen it.
Speaker 2:Because it's like a negative thing, or do you think it would be something that it needs to happen?
Speaker 3:I would say it needs to happen.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't happen.
Speaker 3:I think it does happen, just not everywhere, gotcha.
Speaker 2:What's the fear behind being vulnerable? Acting like a female. Okay, so acting like a female. People making fun of you for it People making fun of you for it.
Speaker 3:People making fun of you for it, okay?
Speaker 2:Oh, people taking advantage of you. So people taking advantage of you all, right. So there is an analogy and I'm going to see if I can't remember it when we talk about what is strong and what is not strong, right? So I'm going to give you two scenarios and you tell me which one is strong and which one isn't strong.
Speaker 2:There's a guy. He has a family. He is struggling, but not struggling to where he can't take care of his family financially, mentally, emotionally. His kids come to him and they're asking him for something or to go to the store, and he blows up. He gets angry, he gets upset, he starts screaming at the kids. He's saying they asked for too much to go into their rooms and leave him alone. So that's one scenario. To go into their rooms and leave him alone. So that's one scenario. Then the other scenario is the kids are asking him to go to the store and he calmly says not right now, but if you give me a few hours and we take care of some things, I'll take you to the store. In that scenario, what man sounds strong and what man sounds weak? And then give me your reasons as to why.
Speaker 5:In scenario two. He sounds strong. Because, he, calmly, he didn't blow up when his kids asked to go to the store and he, calmly, he talked to them calmly.
Speaker 4:Okay, Isn't it like the first one? He doesn't like he. He doesn't.
Speaker 2:He can't control his emotions, like okay, yeah so he can't control his emotions and the second one can. Yeah, so he appears to be stronger. The second one, yes.
Speaker 3:Okay, keelan I often think the second one I often think the second one.
Speaker 2:So to be strong as a man is super important, but to be vulnerable, in my ideology, is more important, because you can't be vulnerable and have the tough conversations or be able to control your emotions without having that conversation with yourself first. And a lot of guys and I said in my podcast last week, it's not that you act like a female, you just have there's two energies. You have a masculine energy and a feminine energy, and a lot of times we get the. They think more with their emotions. And masculine energy is more logical and there are women that can be masculine, there are males that can be feminine, right, and so when you talk about being too emotional to where you can't express yourself and you're yelling at your kids, you're breeding off feminine energy and so it makes you look weaker. But in the eyes of society, a lot of people think that that's what strong is, you screaming and yelling and hollering and trying to make yourself feel big when you feel this little. That's what a lot of dudes act or try to control how they feel about themselves or the situations that they're in. Y'all have been in it, even in football, where you know a dude isn't that good, or he done something he wasn't supposed to do and the first thing he does is bows up. Then he tries to act big and tough and get big right, and so it's just one of those things where you can be strong and also vulnerable at the same time, and young boys or men who are strong and vulnerable at the same time to me are the strongest because they are more logical with their thinking when it comes to how to filter out their emotions.
Speaker 2:I'm still working on it. I'm 37. Y'all know I can go from zero to 100 in like 2.5 seconds, like it's. It's very quickly and very fast, and mavic know about it. Two weeks ago at the table we were laughing, he did some things. It was immediately. I can still go there. That's still something I'm working on, but I just want y'all to have that understanding and also your homework now is to start asking yourself and building on your qualities of what a man is, because strong and being a provider and what else did y'all say? Not being weak it's very cliche-ish when it comes to society as a whole, and we already have a hard time as men in society, from my perspective. So I want y'all to really start digging into what a man really is, and that's something that I'm still trying to work on.
Speaker 2:But to me, a man is all those things that y'all said, but he is also a person. He is a human being. He has dreams that he wants to accomplish and do. He's vulnerable. He can be soft when need to right. Yes, sir, so it's more than just what society has said. This is what a man is, and you have to then start asking yourself and putting qualities that you want, your mom, qualities that you want, uh, your mom, when she does find, uh, a man, you would want some of the qualities that that he has in you as as how she, he's treating her. Does that make sense? So, you, you want to start thinking about those qualities, because those are important, all right. Qualities because those are important, all right, there's more of a lecture than a uh, than a podcast, all right. So who are your role models?
Speaker 4:for manhood and why I'll go first. I'll say my uncles and like my coach collins, like my father line coach, okay, because like, I mean like the main reason, because like they're like my like main, like father figures or males in my life, you feel me that I like I talk to and like like show me things like in life that make sense, Gotcha.
Speaker 3:I'd also say you, uncle Nate and Dre Johnson, you know from Black-ish.
Speaker 2:Gotcha bud, and why?
Speaker 3:I don't know Like it, just they're always there, you know.
Speaker 2:They're always there.
Speaker 3:Like for the family.
Speaker 2:Okay, so how do they play a pivotal role in your life, like why do you look up to those people? Besides what you just said, dig deeper.
Speaker 3:You said what was the question.
Speaker 2:Who are role models in your life? Last question oh, like, dig deeper, like what makes them role models? Besides, they're there for their family.
Speaker 3:They're just like dang. I don't really know, to be honest.
Speaker 2:Well, what type of man do you want to be when you grow up that you see in them that you would be like? Okay, these are some of the things, or some of the traits that I would take from from each one, oh, like giving, caring, kind, compassionate, but then still like a little like strict.
Speaker 3:That makes sense.
Speaker 2:Okay, I got you Mavi Wavi.
Speaker 5:Um, my, my, the figures in my life from my father and my uncles, because they're like the males in my life and they have good qualities and customs.
Speaker 2:Like what.
Speaker 5:Like hardworking, confident, kind funny stern. Yeah, that's pretty Gotcha All right.
Speaker 2:So how does social media or popular culture shape your perception of what it means to be a man or does it.
Speaker 3:I don't think social media changes my perspective on it.
Speaker 2:Okay, it doesn't change mine either.
Speaker 5:No, it doesn't change mine.
Speaker 2:Speak higher.
Speaker 5:It doesn't change mine either.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay. So do you feel there are pressures and expectations for how a man should behave, yes or no?
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, so then you all said yes. Tell me why you said yes.
Speaker 3:I think there's some pressures, like the man is always supposed to be the breadwinner. That's a very big pressure because you don't have no money, you can't really take care of your family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Okay, there's one can I get the question again, please uh says do you feel there are society expectations or pressures for how men should behave? You said yes. If so, why?
Speaker 5:yes, I do, because the world, because the world makes it seems as if a man should act a certain way and a woman should act a certain way, and they should. But then there are also some things that you know that you have to draw a line, like you have to be like oh, you know, if a man acts like this and there's a reason, or you know, and they have to be like, okay, well, let's figure out the reason and then go from there, gotcha.
Speaker 4:I have a question again.
Speaker 2:I don't have anything to listen to. Do you feel there are society expectations or pressures for how men should behave? You said yes. If so, why?
Speaker 4:I think that, like, I think like the mainly, the breadwinning thing is like the biggest one, like right now in our society, because, like I'm not going to lie, there's a lot of girls not going for dudes with no money Got you.
Speaker 2:Do you think that creates a space where dudes just work and they don't take the time to work on themselves? Say it again Kind of, but not really. Do you think because our society is so fascinated with making men the breadwinner and if you don't have any money, you're not getting a girl? Do you think that a lot of men lose themselves in work trying to get money in order to get a girl?
Speaker 4:yes, my wife was like 50 50.
Speaker 3:Like I want to say just I want to say just for a girl, just like survive got you.
Speaker 5:I mean, if it's just for a girl, then yes, probably Just to show off and look like you have money. So you're working to have money To show.
Speaker 2:Okay, so half and half Alright. So have you ever felt pressured to conform to certain standards in this society? No no no, no, no, no. How do you handle situations where your personal beliefs about manhood conflict with society expectations?
Speaker 3:I haven't had a situation to where my personal beliefs conflict with how societies are Okay.
Speaker 4:For me the way that I process information in situations like those. I'm kind of like a straightaway thinker, so I hear you, but whatever you're saying is going to have to take time for me to change my opinion Got you, I got you.
Speaker 2:So the suicide rate in men and young boys men are 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide, domestic violence and sexual assault. Although women can commit those crimes, majority of them are done by men. 90% of the prison system is men. That's in the prison system usually for violent crimes. Most of the violent crimes that you see in the world are done by men drunk driving and drug abuse. Men slightly do more of that than women and I know that y'all have maybe dealt with it from a friend saying crazy things or being depressed and saying they don't want to be here anymore. So why do you think like those stats are? Why they are like what? What do you think is happening with young boys and men as making them, you know, be this way or do certain things that could alter their lives?
Speaker 5:the way society makes people think a man should act or be or the way they should feel.
Speaker 2:So it's the pressure of the world and how the world should make. It's the pressure of the world and how the world is framing your mindset as to what you should be.
Speaker 4:And act and feel and act and feel, okay, I mean it might be like mental illness, okay, which is like I don't. It might be like mental illness, okay, which is like I don't know how to respond to mental illness, because I've never been mentally ill. But I'm saying like I mean a lot of that could be mental. Okay, I don't know. We got none for this question.
Speaker 2:Why? Well, I don't know, so you don't know what. What? Because I'm asking you is this why do you think men are committing suicide at a higher rate, or being violent or hurting others?
Speaker 3:Maybe because like their family.
Speaker 2:Okay, so they, they learn from it, they learn from their family. Okay, so that's that's. That's something that could happen, right, pick it up, that's something that could happen, right, pick it up, you see it from your father and then you, you then think that's what life is about and maybe because they think it's cool to commit crimes and get in trouble. I got you on a scale of 1 to 10. How comfortable are you with expressing your emotions?
Speaker 2:like a 7, so 1 is you are you with expressing your emotions Like a seven. So one is you're not okay, ten is you are okay.
Speaker 5:Seven it just depends what people are. If I'm around friends that I know or that I'm cool with, or my family, then it's like a seven or eight.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 5:But if it's people I don't know, then that's like a one or a zero. Got you I'd say a six, a six's people I don't know, then that's like a one or a zero.
Speaker 3:Got you, I'd say a six. A six Because I don't know, I really don't like talking that much.
Speaker 2:You talk a lot my boy, I'm talking random stuff, so you can't say you don't like talking. You just don't like talking about.
Speaker 3:I don't like talking all the time.
Speaker 2:About your feelings and emotions. I guess, bro, I mean. What do you mean you? Get, so is it a six, if you don't like talking about your feelings or emotions still a six. You talking about your older brother. What do you think? I think a seven A seven.
Speaker 4:Why a seven? I'm a straightforward person, so whatever I'm feeling, I usually always say it might not come out immediately, but I'll tell you how.
Speaker 2:I'm feeling Is it weird to be having a conversation like this right now? No, no, no, no. Bro, I said no, yeah, bro, but it's super weird how, I don't know, man, I'm chilling, Exactly, you're chilling, all right. So six, seven, seven, so you can be, uh, you're, you're comfortable expressing your emotions. Um, do you think men face challenges, uh, in being open about their, their feelings?
Speaker 3:yes, yes, why uh, yes, why it doesn't really, it doesn't really like coincide with what society's man like, what society's man does.
Speaker 4:Okay, it can make you like. I guess it can make you look weak. You feel me Gotcha?
Speaker 5:Like a feminine, like personality, like if you're expressing your feelings and like, oh, I'm done, no, okay.
Speaker 2:So I used to think that way. As a man, I used to have all of your thought processes and mindsets when it came to what a man was, and I'm going to be real honest with y'all. It took me down a path where suicide was something that I contemplated Aggressive, abusive, violent, ready to fight at a moment's notice, especially when I got back from the army. It was a very heavy burden that I would want. I would not want any of y'all going down for fear of expressing how you feel in a moment, later on, after the incident or altercation has happened. It's it's heavy, it's lonely. You look up and you feel like you're the only one that is battling the pressure of trying to be a man. And so I don't want y'all going down that path where you make the assumption that one you have to do it by yourself, because I've been through it, nate's been through. By yourself, because I've been through it, nate's been through it, your dad has been through it, and so if you're trying to figure it out, or if you're stuck and you don't know which way to go, you can always have that conversation. I might say some things, but at the end of the day, I'm going to try to figure out and help you figure out the like, the best way forward versus trying to hold on to that pressure.
Speaker 2:And we had a what was that? When y'all all came, when we all was over there at Tiffany's house, when Darian felt some type of way about his football career, that was Thanksgiving. Was that Thanksgiving? Yes, sir, his football career, that was Thanksgiving. Was that Thanksgiving? Yes, sir. So we had it. We played a game and you expressed your feelings about how you felt about football that no one really knew about. But you carried those feelings for such a long time and we were able to play a game I think the stranger game, what is it Not really strangers? And it started to ask, like these deep questions, and from those questions we got some level of vulnerability from you. We were able to like to just speak life into you and have that conversation, and so that's why it's important to not hold on to these especially negative thoughts, because most of the time it's always going to be negative thoughts and you should not hold on to them, you should express them. Hey, this is how I'm feeling give you pointers and help you kind of see a different path down where you was going versus you mentally in your own head. Just thinking like this is the only way, because there are so many different ways to try to get to reach a goal in life and if you have exhausted all of your energy to try to get that goal, you can always reach out and have conversations with people that can maybe re-energize you and help push you along the way.
Speaker 2:As men, you will never do it by ourselves, and society tries to make it out like that we are. You'll never make it by yourself in this world never. We need each other, you need each other, you need each other. I need you, you need me, I need you, you need me, we need each other. So it's a real deal. Alright, we got two more questions and then I will let y'all off. What are some of the biggest challenges you face as a young man today? Give me two, everyone.
Speaker 3:The biggest challenge so far. I'd say dealing with kids who other kids who I wouldn't say are racist. What is the word Prejudice? They really don't know better. If it makes sense, I think stuff's cool. I'd say like dealing with challenges at school. That's what I'll do.
Speaker 2:What kind of challenges?
Speaker 3:Like if somebody's hard, or like if, like, you're in, like, let's say like football, and then you're like, you like think you're doing good and you're not doing that good.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Compared to other people.
Speaker 4:Okay, two biggest challenges you face right now. Yeah, the biggest one is because I'm about to like, I'm trying to like get ready to go to college because I'm graduating next year. So I think the biggest one is like for me is like I want to go to school, I want to go to college, but I don't know if I want to, like if I want to leave the house and go to college. You feel what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:Gotcha, like to me it feels like like I look, like I'm like, okay, my mom, like my mom's a great mom, you know what I'm saying, she gets me right all the time but like I think one area is like I feel like I'm not ready like to leave the house, gotcha, you feel me. And like like live on my own, gotcha, because, like I'm so used to like having a support system and stuff, not saying like if I went I wouldn't have one, but like just being around, like I don't know how it'd be. You feel what I'm saying Gotcha, what's one more? And then I don't know, I only got one, okay, I got you, I got you.
Speaker 5:Matt, dealing with like kids at my school who criticize me because of the way my voice sounds.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 5:And school challenges, like grades and teachers and dealing with people.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:So, what would be one advice or some advice you would give to a younger boy about growing up into manhood?
Speaker 5:Don't follow what the world is doing.
Speaker 2:So don't follow what the world is doing.
Speaker 3:So don't follow what the world is doing.
Speaker 2:Find a mentor, someone you can talk to. Do you have a mentor? No, you can't give advice. Who's a mentor to you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I guess. So it's not like a side mentor, but yeah, basically I have a few mentors, to be honest.
Speaker 2:Okay, so who are some of your mentors? Let's see.
Speaker 3:Aaron Thomas, nathan Thomas and sometimes.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't say that, godwin David. Oh, what about your little big brother?
Speaker 3:A mentor.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:We're kind of too close.
Speaker 2:I mean, he can still mentor you and help you along the way he mentored you in football whenever you was coming up right. Yeah, you and me are headed bro, but he was mentoring you in football. Okay, yeah, then the big brother.
Speaker 4:Aw, that's so cute, I think, like don't follow the crowd, be your own person.
Speaker 2:So don't follow the crowd, be your own person. Yeah, I'll go. I think like, don't follow the crowd, be your own person. So don't follow the crowd, be your own person. Yeah, I like it All right. Last question what impact do you want to leave on this world? Think about it for a little bit. What impact do you want to leave on this world? You have one already Key.
Speaker 3:What counts as an impact.
Speaker 2:Whatever comes to your head. When I say, impact whatever comes to your head.
Speaker 3:The first thing that comes to my head is like leaving a will. That's a big impact.
Speaker 2:Leaving something financially for the next generation to have.
Speaker 3:Like start to build generational wealth. Have like even stories is like a good thing to leave behind.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 5:That's good, to let people know that it's okay to be unique and different. You don't have to be like, okay, you don't have to be like the crowd of people, of people.
Speaker 4:Got you To just be like an all-around leader, wherever you go, because, like, if you stand out in front of the rest, like you feel me, I got you, I got you, I got you. So.
Speaker 2:I appreciate y'all for jumping on my podcast, for being open, for being vulnerable, for having the tough conversations Because, again, these conversations aren't being had and y'all are three young men willing to sit down and have the conversation with me. So I appreciate y'all. You know I love y'all, so if anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You are awesome. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, but you will get stronger. Y'all. Have a blessed Friday and enjoy your weekend Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:And for daily motivational and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time, thank you.
