Surviving Combat and the Battle Within: Aaron Thomas on PTSD, Mental Health, and Support Systems for Veterans

What happens when a soldier returns home but finds no support to help them cope with the shadows of war? On this impactful episode of Excellence Above Talent, I, Aaron Thomas, share my deeply personal journey from the battlefields of Iraq to the daunting reality of civilian life. You'll hear about the harrowing encounters with IEDs, the tragic loss of comrades, and the ever-looming threat of death that haunted each mission. As I transitioned back home, the absence of a robust support network led me down a dark path of unhealthy coping mechanisms, including alcohol and seducing women. This raw and honest recount aims to illuminate the profound struggles veterans face, urging for a greater understanding and stronger support systems.

Shifting our focus to another critical issue, we delve into the poignant story of a crisis center worker in West Texas who tried valiantly to save a friend from the brink. Despite his efforts, the friend tragically passed away, leaving behind a legacy of heartbreak and profound self-reflection. This tragic event catalyzed the creation of a Facebook support page for veterans and the nonprofit organization, Excellence Above Talent, dedicated to combating high suicide rates among men and addressing abuse. By sharing these stories, we hope to stress the importance of mental health awareness and the collective efforts needed to support those in distress. Join us for a powerful discussion on healing, resilience, and the urgent need for comprehensive mental health support.

Chapters

• 0:00 Combat Veteran's Struggle With Transition
• 8:06 Men's Mental Health and Suicide Prevention

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.

Speaker 2: 0:37

What's up my beautiful people? Aaron Thomas, with Excellent Above Talent is all about. After 08, I did one tour in Iraq. 05, 06, we went to Al-Hilla the first six months in Iraq. I wouldn't say it was easy, but it was on the more calmer side of things. And then we spent six months in straight Baghdad Like when I say Baghdad, I'm talking about dudes putting roadside IEDs by the gate and popping shots while we're leaving for missions Like it was straight, straight hood. So we did six months there. So we did six months there. I saw a lot of things a 19, 20-year-old shouldn't have seen.

Speaker 2: 1:50

But when you join the Army and you get into a combat MOS, you have that chance of always getting sent over and seeing people shot, getting blown up, playing ping pong with someone one day and then the next thing you hear is that they had to pick up body parts because that person got blown up. Being on missions where we're about 20 deep and something bad happens and you're stuck in your Humvee and you hear that someone died while on that same mission that you're on, seeing people seeing a Humvee fly 10 feet up in the air because it got blown up by a mine and coming back down upside down with four of your buddies in a Humvee and they're screaming and you're running around trying to find your protective vest. You got your gun, because your gun's always with you, almost getting shot in the face by one of my buddies coming out the gate, not paying attention to his surroundings and shooting outside the line, before getting inside the line, getting blown up and knocked unconscious for a little bit, waking up and your fight or flight senses have popped on and your foot's on the gas and you're getting out of the kill zone, because that is what you have been trained to do. And then you come back home and there's not a whole lot in place to help you understand and process what just went on At 19 and 20, just went on at 19 and 20.

Speaker 2: 3:50

Never leaving odessa, never getting on a plane. Um, well, I left odessa, but it was like not for a long period of time and not with my family. So you know, not being away from my family for a long period of time, not being on a plane, um, going through basic training, and at the end of basic training they give you your duty stations and two dudes went to Iraq right out of basic training. The other ones went to Germany. As you could guess, I was one of two that went straight to Iraq. I wouldn't say straight straight, but I mean I think I stayed at Fort Hood for about a month and a half and then we got on the plane. We went straight to Kuwait. Crazy part was my platoon sergeant. I don't think he thought I was going to make it, so he let me sit first class with all the generals and colonels and captains. First sergeants, sergeant majors. I was up there as an E3 private getting a hot towel, having my legs up in the recliner watching a movie, while the other guys were bunched up in economy, and that was from Germany to Kuwait. I say that to say this.

Speaker 2: 5:11

A lot of my buddies, including myself, came back home and we masked a lot of the issues that we had and we could while in the Army Because there was so much structure. You had to be up at this time, you had to be doing this. There were days we got to do this and a lot of times it was just hurry up and wait and then we'll figure out what we're doing next. But once you leave, the concept of being able to do it on my own wasn't working and I was just all over the place and it created a frustration. And then, on top of that, people just don't really understand or get you. And then, on top of that, people just don't really understand or get you when they clap in your ear loud or they're being loud, or you know you smell something and you get triggered. And it just put me in this mode, this kill mode, because for four years or three and a half years, a couple of months in basic training, and then Iraq and coming back, all that was seared into my brain was kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. Any cadences that we did when we were marching. They really wanted you to understand that it was either you or them and you had to pull that trigger if you wanted to live. And you kind of get the gist because you know you're going to war, but it was kill, kill, kill. So anytime it triggered, you know I knew I couldn't kill, but there was just this, this fight. I needed to fight something or fight someone and I, in order to relax that feeling, I ran to pornography, I ran to alcohol, I ran to trying to seduce women. Those were my three vices, two sexual, one drug-related, because alcohol is a drug. So that was, or were, my vices when triggered, when feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, upset, angry. That's what I went to, didn't question it, just I needed to feel something, and those three things made me feel something like I was alive.

Speaker 2: 8:06

I was working at the crisis center of West Texas and one of my buddies reached out to me and he was having a hard time and I told him that he could come to Odessa and I would try to help him find an oil field job and he could stay with me so that he can get on his feet. And he said he would think about it. And I said you know, do I'm here for you? And he asked for some money and I said, yeah, say less. So I sent him money and the money came back. This was like, I think, before Cash App we had to send it to Western Union and the money came back. This was like, I think, before cash out we had to send it to Western Union and the money came back. They said that they couldn't give it to him because there was an influx of money that people were sending him. But I didn't think nothing of it. I just I didn't think nothing of it. So I I tried again and they declined it. Then he called back and I was letting him know, like hey, this was going on. He said, hey, well, send it to my buddy. And that's kind of when the red flag started going off of this. There could be more behind this money being sent than what is being told. So I didn't send it, reached out a few more times, let him know, like hey, the offer still stands.

Speaker 2: 9:34

And weeks later I found out that he died. And you know what's crazy? To this day I still don't know how he died. I guess I don't want to know. So I just assumed it was suicide or he overdosed on a drug or alcohol. I still don't know to this day.

Speaker 2: 9:58

But that hurt me deeply and for the next few weeks I put a lot of blame on me because I thought I could do something. What could I have done differently? Could I have cared more? Could I have talked more Like? What could I have done to prevent this from happening? A lot of times there was nothing I could do to have prevented it. But I put a lot of it on my like, it just sucked it. But I put a lot of it on my like, it just sucked. It sucked because I think that was that I know of first soldier that I went to Iraq and died outside of the United States from suicide. That was in my crew, in my group, and it just sucked.

Speaker 2: 10:47

So I went down this rabbit hole of men's mental health and trying to find a better way or a better avenue for men to be heard, for information to be processed and understood and put out to the masses, we created a Facebook page with the unit I was in, 110 Cav and Fort Hood the last of the Buffalo Soldiers and we started to kind of piece together. He was calling everybody asking for money and we were all not connected to where we all could have been, like, hey, let's go help this man out, let's go help this man out, let's go help our buddy out. It wasn't until after he died that we realized that he was calling and asking for help, even if it was him asking for money or just a conversation. And we created a page where we check in on each other and make sure we're good. And that just motivated me to make sure we're good and that just motivated me to make sure and try to figure out how we can help to make sure that other people are good.

Speaker 2: 12:02

I felt that pain, the loneliness, the hurt, the frustration that no one loves you, that I'm not good enough, that I'm not worthy to live this life. I felt that six to seven months prior. I felt that one and a half to two years prior to my buddy dying and I was on the bed with a gun to my head pulling the trigger because life had gotten overwhelming. On the outside it looked all good Moving into a new house, making a lot of money, had a fiance. On the outside it looked like I was living my best life, but on the inside it's nothing but chaos and turmoil.

Speaker 2: 12:49

I was lost in the sauce when it came to my mental and I didn't know where to go or how to talk to the people that were in my head the self-doubt, the negative, fearful thoughts Let me say thoughts and not people, so people don't think I'm like super crazy. All these thoughts that were in my head. I didn't know how to process them. I didn't know how to alleviate and go through them. So I tried to hide them and push them back through the things I've always done alcohol, beer and women and I started to think about the pain that I could potentially cause this person for wanting to marry me.

Speaker 2: 13:37

I sat on the bed and I had the gun. It was unloaded at the time and I pulled the trigger just so I could know what it felt like. Then I loaded it. I didn't put it around a clip, I just put my hand on the trigger to know how that would feel when I say loaded. I put the magazine in and then the third time around I loaded it, pulled the hammer back, put one round in the chamber and pulled the trigger and the gun didn't go off.

Speaker 2: 14:10

And I laid back in the bed and I cried because I did not want the gun to go off. I didn't want to die. I just wanted to numb those thoughts in my head. So I sat there and I cried and then God showed me his love. He let me know how much people really do love me and want me around, the people that needed me and wanted me around and want me around, the people that needed me and wanted me around. And so when my buddy died, it just all those feelings and emotions came back to when I tried to commit suicide and that hurt me. I think that hurt the most was he was out there by himself and he felt what I felt.

Speaker 2: 14:52

So I created Excellence Above Talent to address the suicide rate amongst men, because men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. I created Excellence Above Talent to address the abuse that a lot of men have or do towards the women in their life, or just women in general. Now, I'm not saying women can't be abusive, but that's not what excellence above talent is about. It's not about the women, it's about the men and holding ourselves accountable to make better choices and decisions that can not only help us in the future, but our wives, our kids and the people around us. I created Excellence Above Talent because I wanted this next generation of young boys to see men, strong men, able to talk about their feelings and not be afraid to be called certain names or to be looked down upon.

Speaker 2: 15:55

Because I choose to feel and have a conversation about those feelings, then to hold a man and let those feelings and those thoughts be destructive. Because there's only two ways that it ends when it comes to having those tough conversations or not having those tough conversations. You don't have them, you suck it up, you try to do it by yourself to the point where you get so overwhelmed and a simple what do you want for dinner, honey? Makes you blow the fuck up. And now you're screaming at your wife or your spouse or your kids because you have no control over what you thought you had control over and you're trying to figure out what's going on. Why did I do that? And then all those thoughts start creeping in. I'm not worthy of them. I suck as a father. I suck as a man. I shouldn't be here and you have no one to turn to and talk to about it. So you beat yourself up to the point of killing yourself.

Speaker 2: 17:00

And the other way is being open and honest and expressing not everything, but using your words to communicate how you feel and what's going on Creates a space where people can be open and vulnerable with you as well. I created Excellence Above Talent to have the hard conversations, to sit down and to figure out what is a man, what is the nature of a man, what are the characteristics of a man, what makes a man good and how can we cultivate and create that, not only within my generation, but then within this next generation coming up looking for guidance, because these young kids need it. They do. I created Excellence Above Talent to let the men know that they're not alone in this world, that they are worthy, that they are enough, that they don't have to do it by themselves, that people do care, people do want to see the best for them and through them. I created Excellence Above Talent because I feel that we all have talent. We all can do great things, but if the ones that in their talents begin to excel and create spaces for other people to also grow. This is a space where I'm growing and trying to figure out what manhood is and the best way to live it to, where you aren't hurting people in the process. We were all put on this earth for a reason and a purpose, and that reason and purpose can be brought into fruition if we find the talents that God has given us and begin to excel at it. It just makes people around us better.

Speaker 2: 18:50

So my goal for this podcast, for the things that I post on social media, isn't to get clout because people are listening, but not a lot of people are listening to this podcast and that could be something that would destroy somebody's ego. I'm averaging around 20 to 25 people. Once I started back up, it was around 50 to 60 when I first started. Then I stopped and right now that's between 20 to 25 people. All I'm looking for is that one, that one person to hear my voice that could help change the trajectory of their life, help change the trajectory of their life and then, by doing so, help change their generations to come live, because they're hearing something that I'm saying and they're applying it and they're trying it in their daily lives and it's making them better.

Speaker 2: 19:46

One person out of the few thousands of people that have heard my podcast around the world, one person. If I helped one person change their life, if I helped one person put that gun down or stop thinking about those suicidal thoughts. If I helped one person do that. One person hold themselves accountable and call themselves out when they start to make dumb decisions and choices that hurt other people in their lives, including themselves. One person is all I need. One person is all I want, and that is why Excellence Above Talent was created. So if anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You're awesome. You're amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, but you get stronger. Y'all have a blessed day and enjoy your weekend. Bye-bye.

Speaker 1: 20:41

Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode and for daily motivational and up-to-date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time you