The State of Manhood: Identity, Purpose, and Legacy

Aaron Thomas launches a new podcast series exploring the state of manhood through conversations with men from diverse backgrounds about identity, purpose, emotions, relationships, and masculinity in society. He shares his own perspective while inviting others to contribute their experiences to help men navigate life's challenges.

• Modern men must adapt beyond traditional provider/protector roles to inspire and motivate those around them
• Finding purpose doesn't require status or wealth—making a positive impact on others creates meaningful ripples
• Vulnerability is not weakness but a fundamental building block of true masculinity
• Emotional intelligence in men is often dismissed, making it difficult to express feelings without being perceived as weak
• Deep male friendships require vulnerability and moving beyond competition to true connection
• Mentorship is crucial for shaping the next generation, especially for boys without positive male role models
• Creating a legacy means positively changing the trajectory of young lives to impact future generations

If you would like to be part of this series, reach out through social media on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn. Keep moving forward, never give up, and remember you are never alone in this battle.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to State of Manhood Series
• 3:00 What It Means to Be a Man Today
• 6:36 Finding Purpose Beyond Status and Wealth
• 9:00 Vulnerability and True Masculinity
• 10:24 Emotional Intelligence in Manhood
• 14:38 Male Friendship and Deep Connections
• 22:10 Fatherhood and Leaving a Legacy
• 26:35 Healthy Masculinity and Community Impact
• 33:11 Closing Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.

Speaker 2: 0:39

What's up my beautiful people, aaron Thomas, with excellence above talent, I'm going to start a podcast episode series on the state of manhood. I'm going to be asking men from the community different races, ethnicities, different points of view that they have in life. I think it's going to be something that will help other men out when it comes to trying to figure out this thing called life and hearing the perspective of other men that's going through the process. The five core questions that I have about the state of manhood is one identity and purpose. Two, emotions and mental health. Three, relationships and brotherhood. Four, fatherhood and legacy. And five, masculinity and society. So I have a few questions from each of these topics that I will be asking these men out in the community, and everyone's going to be different and I think that's going to be the most exciting part about it is learning and growing and hearing from other men. And if you would like to be a part of this series, you can just reach out to me on social media, so Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn, or, if you have my number, you can shoot me a text so I can get you locked in. So I will be asking these questions and so this episode is about me answering the questions, so you get my point of view and then you get to hear from others' points of view as well. Some may be the same, some may be different, but I'm just super excited to hear from other men in their process, their struggles, their blessings that's going on in their life.

Speaker 2: 2:56

So the first question is first question what does it mean to be a man today, and how has that changed over time? So me personally, the man today has to be adaptive, because I'm not sure if there were a lot of boss ladies or strong single ladies that were in the 50s, 60s and 70s I'm not 100% sure, I wasn't there but it's a thing in my generation of being a boss lady, of women wanting their own thing, having a career, and there's nothing wrong with that. But as men, our role has changed. We are not just the protector and providers of the household and I don't think we've ever. That was never our goal to just be the provider and protector, because men have feelings and emotions and they have dreams and they want to live a fulfilled life just as much as the people around them. So I think it has changed in the fact that if you, in 2025, are just trying to be that provider and protector. I don't think that's enough and I don't think it's ever been enough, but it was something that people allowed to happen and it might've been because women back in the day didn't have the ability to go out and make money like they do now. And so, as a man, if you're walking around saying I can provide and protect, well, women can provide for themselves and they also can protect themselves if they have that peace, that steel.

Speaker 2: 4:53

So, as a man, it's not just about providing and protecting. It's about inspiring, motivating, pushing your wife, your kids, to be better and do better. It's about setting an example and being an example for the people that's in your life. It's about chasing your dreams and not allowing society to tell you what you should do as a man, with your family. You are the head of your family, your family follows you, and so you have to make sure that you are good, because if you're not good, no one's good. That saying of happy wife, happy life it's a saying that doesn't make sense to me, because, at the end of the day, your wife can't be happy if you're not happy as a man, because you're bringing that energy to the relationship and you can give her everything that she wants. She can have all the money, but she's not going to be happy because you're not happy with yourself. So I think it's important that in today's society, men adapt and understand that they are way more than just providing and protecting. And to find your identity, knowing who you are, knowing your purpose, keeping your cup full so that you can fill others' cups that are around you, I think is very key to what it is to be a man today.

Speaker 2: 6:28

Question number two how can men find purpose beyond society's focus on status and wealth? This is something that I have struggled with because I've made the assumption that if you don't have money, if you don't have the status, you don't have power, that you really can't do anything of significance in this world, and I have had a mentor program for a few years now. I have gone into the youth detention center seven years and spoke life into those young men and women seven years and spoke life into those young men and women. I've created a podcast where men's issues and talking about the things that we go through are it's key. But it's something that I've started and I didn't have to have status or wealth for it.

Speaker 2: 7:21

I have seen men who have money or wealth for it. I have seen men who have money, who have status, and they're miserable. They're miserable because they assume everyone wants their money. They're miserable because they always have to try to achieve more and do more. They just can't live life and be human. They feel like they have to go out and conquer everything and always be on point and never mess up and it gets tiring after a while. I chased it for a long time in my life before I realized you can have the status and the wealth and the power and not want to be here in this world and that's not going to stop you mentally the money and the power and the things. So to me it was just. It's important to to know your purpose as a man, and if that purpose brings wealth, status and power, then that's a beautiful thing. But if it doesn't, if it brings inspiration, motivation and helping this next generation of young people forward, then that's what it means and that's also powerful within itself. You're creating a ripple effect that you might not see, but the next generation of men and women who were affected by your words will feel that presence and that's a powerful thing. That's that's a powerful thing. I think that's that's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 2: 8:49

Third question is how does vulnerability fit into true masculinity? It is one of the building blocks of a masculine man. We as men can't be on 24-7. It's impossible. We can't always have the answer, we can't always have the fix. There will be times when we need to be vulnerable, we need to be open, we need to express our feelings and emotions, because that, in my opinion, is what makes a man powerful when he can reset, when he can talk about his feelings, when he can understand his part in the process, sit down and apologize to people that he has hurt over his life span because he didn't know how to express himself. It is super important. It is what makes good men great to assess, to talk about issues and problems that arise in their lives so that they can fix it and not continue down a path where hurt and destruction is the only thing that they do. So to me, it's super important. All right, emotions and mental health. So there's three questions here. The first question is why is emotional intelligence often left out of conversation about manhood? Because it is, from a society standard, weak?

Speaker 2: 10:37

I have had this issue where sometimes I feel like the female in the relationship, because I am in tune with what's going on and what's happening and I know how it's making me feel, and so I try to have the conversation. And in trying to have the conversation there's usually two options. The woman in my life handles the conversation. She either flips it and becomes a victim of what I'm trying to say. She just takes what I'm trying to say and turns it on to what I'm not doing, or she listens to what's being said and then tries to make an effort to to change it. But I have had a struggle with that because a lot of times it comes off as weak and I was just kind of I'm. I was not raised, but I've.

Speaker 2: 11:39

I picked up over the time where, cool, if I tell you one time and you choose not to do it, that's fine, I'm just going to go and make it happen somewhere else with somebody else. Whether that's just cheating to get what I need or that's usually what happens it's cheating to get what I need because I've had the conversation with you and you made me feel. No one can make you feel, but I had the conversation and you took it and didn't do anything with it, and so now I feel less than so. I'm going to go out there and feel, more than by chasing someone and getting someone, because it's difficult to have emotional intelligence in a society where men don't have emotional intelligence. It's difficult because a lot of times you get painted as the aggressor, and the ones that you're trying to have a conversation with, the ones that you're trying to let them know like hey, this is what it's making me feel like, they become the victim, they become angry, they become upset, and so it's easier as a man to just not not be emotionally intelligent, to to not have conversations about your feelings and what's going on in your life in order to order to appease and not disrupt the flow of what's going on in your life. But I just feel like if you don't do it emotionally, you will become damaged and your mental health will definitely suffer from it, and then you will become, you'll be put on a path of destruction. I tried to have the conversation and I was blown off, which is totally fine, because now I'm going to do what I do, because, at the end of the day, that's what I know how to do, and so it's super important to make sure you're around people who don't take advantage of you trying to be emotionally intelligent when it comes to your feelings and emotions.

Speaker 2: 13:56

How can men break free from the pressures to hide their emotions? You just break free. You're going to be talked about, you're going to be looked at. You might be made fun of, get made fun of that. You might be made Front of, get made front of, but that's just that's what comes with the process of Owning who you are as a person, not being afraid to express Yourself as a person. There's a quote, and it's one of my favorite quotes, and it's do not hide, protect, defend or prove who you are to anyone in this world. Show up in the room, do not shrink, do not puff up, just be you. And I think that is important because, regardless of if you don't show emotions or if you do show emotions, you're going to have some level of pressure. So you get to. You get to pick and choose the pressure that you want on your life, the pressure to not express yourself and to hide who God has called you to be, or the pressure to be made fun of, talked about, looked down, because you're trying to have conversations and you're trying to express yourself in a positive way.

Speaker 2: 15:17

What are the biggest mental health struggles men face and why are they often overlooked? I think there's one of the. This is just on me. One of the biggest mental health struggles men face is people making an assumption that they're supposed to and there isn't a celebration, there isn't gratitude of men doing the small things in order for people to celebrate or congratulate them. I think in my last marriage, one of the things that made me feel less than was my ex-wife telling me I'm supposed to do these things, I'm supposed to cook, I'm supposed to clean, I'm supposed to take out the trash. That's nothing big that makes you different from other people, and I get it.

Speaker 2: 16:15

But to be thankful, to show appreciation and to not make me feel like I have to do these grand gestures in order to be seen, in order to be heard, it messes with you mentally heard. It messes with you mentally Because, yes, you as a man have certain things that you should do and it should not be overlooked because you're still dealing with things mentally, at work, within your own self, at home. There's still a lot going on in your world and you're still showing up and you're trying to make sure that the people in your life are also taken care of and there's a lot of pressure there. So if I take out the trash or clean the dishes or cook, there should be a level of appreciation versus disdain of, well, that's what you're supposed to do anyway. So I'm not going to be thankful for that and I think mentally that really screwed me up to the point of like, ah, it is what it is, I'm. There's nothing I can do, unless it's something grand, something with money that would help me be seen, and I just wanted to be seen because I needed to be seen as a person and as a man, not only when I'm able to provide something that she wanted. And I think mentally that that screwed me up and it brought a negative taste in my mouth. But I'm also the person that, if I'm with you, I'm with you and I'm going to try everything in my power to make sure you're good. And that takes a lot out of a person when you can do 50 small things that make someone's life easier, and it's something that I was supposed to do anyway. So there's no gratitude or thanks there.

Speaker 2: 18:18

Relationships and brotherhood. So what does a healthy male friendship look like? And why do many men struggle to form deep connections. I have an issue with forming Deep Connections as a civilian. I formed Deep Connections as an Army Specialist when I was in the Army, because you were in a life or death situation and people were willing to fight and die alongside you for a goal. And then you come back to the United States and everyone has different goals, everyone has a different fight, so cultivating relationships is hard for me. So I don't know if I can tell you what a healthy male friendship looks like, because I don't know if I have healthy male friendships. Now I can.

Speaker 2: 19:15

I can tell you what I think it looks like, and what I think it looks like is men holding each other accountable for their actions, being able to talk to your friend and let them in on what's going on with your life without it getting back to everybody and their mama. It is holding each other accountable to be better, pushing each other to be better, not going with the status quo, fighting for each other. But in order to form a deep connection, you have to be vulnerable. In order to form a deep connection, you have to be vulnerable. You have to let people in on your struggles, on your wins and on your defeats, your losses, and I think that's hard because sometimes men want to compete and in the competition, they lose sight of the connection and friendship and all they want to do is be better than the next person or the person that they're around, and so it's not. You sometimes feel like when you fail, there could be a level of snarkiness or happiness and it just kind of pushes you back. I think trying to form a deep relationship is hard because no one wants to lose or feel like a loser, and sometimes you lose in life and you feel like it's easier just to sit in that loss and don't terrorize anyone and you struggle through it because you need, you know, these deep connections. So that is something that I will personally work on in 2025, being a better friend to people.

Speaker 2: 20:57

So how can men balance strength and leadership with equality and relationships? It's never what I tell you to do. I think that's how you balance the strength and leadership with equality. It's having communication, it's having conversations and then coming up with the best ideal or the best situation for what you're going through at that time. It's never well. This is how I did it, so you should do it the same way, because it looks and feels different for everybody. So being strong, being that example, I think, is important. But when it comes to equality, I think equality means having a conversation and communicating with somebody so that their feelings and emotions are heard in the process, so that they feel like, whatever conclusion that is made, they have a part or a say in it and it's not just do what I say. I think there's a beautiful balance in that.

Speaker 2: 22:07

Why is mentorship important in shaping the next generation of men? There are a lot of single moms out there. There are a lot of young boys who do not have structure. There are a lot of young boys who don't have leadership, who don't have someone to look up to in a positive way. And if you have nieces and daughters, if you have people that are going to be a part of this next generation, you'd want them to be treated the right way.

Speaker 2: 22:39

And there's not a lot of men talking to young men about life and how hard it really is, and you just can't go through it with the assumption that you're invincible and that you're untouchable and that nothing can hurt you. You have to have these real life conversations with these young men and To let them know that they can make any choice that they want in life. But with every choice that is made there is a consequence, whether good or bad, and you cannot run from it. If you make a choice with a bad consequence, you have to be accountable, you have to sit in that mess, you have to go through it and I think the hardest thing right now is young boys not being held accountable for their actions, because men aren't holding themselves accountable for their actions. No one wants to see that they are the problem when they are the problem.

Speaker 2: 23:37

So it's important to teach this next generation of men, young boys, young men the importance of accountability, the importance of finding your purpose and not allowing society to dictate who you should be, because at the end of the day, you have to live with you Fatherhood and legacy. So I am not a father, so I don't know. The question is what makes a great father and how can men heal from their own past to be better parents? My father wasn't really around. I am not a father, so I don't know if I'm able to answer this question, but I will say showing up. I think that was one of the things that hurt me the most as a young man was my father not showing up when I needed him the most. I needed to learn how to shave, or the sex talks with girls, how to drive things of that nature, showing up and being available. How can you heal from your own past, to be a better parent? Go to counseling. I don't. Counseling is so important. It's such a need in order to process the trauma that you potentially could have gone through, in order to look at the shadow the shadow is the monster that lives inside of you and to be able to live with that monster and not allow that monster to dictate how it is that you're supposed to feel and not feel.

Speaker 2: 25:09

So how should man redefine what it means to leave a lasting legacy? I think legacy, leaving a legacy is creating a space where you have touched the lives of men and young boys in a way, to where the trajectory of their life and their future is now changed in a positive direction. I think that's the last legacy I would want to leave is I showed up and I gave you advices or advice and things that could help you in life become better, and you took that advice and you made yourself better and in return, there's a ripple effect in how now you treat your son, how now you treat your wife, how now you treat the young girls in your life, and you teach that to the next generation, and the next generation teaches that to the next generation, and it goes on and on and on. I think that's the lasting legacy I would want to leave in this world. Then the last thing topic would be masculinity and society.

Speaker 2: 26:26

So how have feminism and gender equality reshape what's expected of men? Like I said earlier, you have to be adaptive. You have to not force the issue. I think a lot of times when things are changing and we don't like these changes, we become defiant. We try to fight back instead of just when we talk about leadership and strength versus equality, have the conversations, communicate, try to figure out what's going on, why it's going on and how you can help in this process. If that's where you're at and there's nothing that should change as a man because of feminism or gender equality the expectation is still your expectation. You have to show up and you have to be your best and you have to make the best choices for you. If you have a family, you have to make the best choices for you. If you have a family, you have to make the best choices for you and your family. So don't go into the room fighting when someone is bringing up something that you might not agree with. Hear it out, listen, have a conversation, communicate and go on about your day.

Speaker 2: 27:39

What does healthy masculinity looks like, and how can men embrace strength with kindness? Healthy masculinity looks like a man trying to deal with his struggles while in his purpose, while leading himself and his family down a path where vulnerability and openness is a part of the conversation and understanding that there are times when you have to let the monster out and there are times when the monster should not be out and you have to figure out when and when not to be aggressive. You have to figure out when to be kind. A lot of times know growing up and in my first and a lot of relationships it was aggression. It's not a whole lot of kindness Only did it. When I started to work on myself, I realized that I don't have to be aggressive when having conversations. I don't have to scream, yell or holler to get my point across. I can sit down and talk in a respectful voice and not try to be demonstrative or puff up or be angry.

Speaker 2: 28:52

What does or what wisdom from past generations of men should we carry forward and what should we let go? What we should carry forward in past generations should be the fight never stops until you die. The fight never stops to be a great man or to continue to be a great man until you are dead. So don't give up, don't quit, don't allow this world to dictate, to beat you up. Show up each and every day and fight for what you believe in. Fight for your family, fight for yourself. What we should let go of is the notion that it's our way or the highway, because we should be. If we want to be leaders, we should sit down and have the conversation and then, from the conversation, make a choice that's best for for the collective, and not just think that because I'm a man, because I think I know, then this is the only way that's going to happen.

Speaker 2: 29:54

How can men lead and make a positive impact in their communities today? Mentorship there are a lot of young boys out there that don't have good male role models in their life, and to be able to sit down and talk to men who have gone through life and know how difficult it is is a blessing beyond blessings that these young men want and need. I have young men that, sadly, are in jail want and need. I have young men that, sadly, are in jail. I've been talking to them since they were teenagers but they wanted to make choices and decisions that they needed to make, or they thought that they needed to make, to be men. One young man got 17 years and one young man potentially could have 99, but we're still talking, still trying to mentor them, trying to let them know to keep your head up, to don't quit that you're going through it and you made these decisions and you knew the consequences. So now you have to work on your mental Try to get better as a man. Become great each and every day. These young boys, this community needs mentors, men to show up and give a few minutes of their time to affect the change. Potentially that could help change the world. There's also young boys that I've worked with that figured out this is not the path I want to go down and they're in school and they're making a difference in the community. They're making a difference for themselves.

Speaker 2: 31:30

It's not always all bad when you mentor. There's kids that are making the right choices and decisions that make you proud and happy, and then there are kids that didn't make the right choices and decisions. But now that they're in jail and they're locked up and they're trying to figure things out, you're still proud of them. You know these kids are getting their GEDs, they're getting technical school, so you know when they get out they'll have something to go to and I'll also be there to try to help out in any way I can go to and I'll also be there to try to help out in any way I can, because to me it's easier to help others in their process than sit in mine. But I also know if I don't sit in mine I really can't help others in their process because, again, if my cup is empty I can't give anything to anyone. But there is a level of fulfillment, a level of purpose and joy that you get when a young man heeds your advice, takes your words and pulls himself out of whatever mess he had himself in to become a better man. It's an awesome thing.

Speaker 2: 32:42

And then we go back to that status and wealth and power. And then you start to question would you want status, wealth and power, or would you want to be able to affect this next generation? I want both and I believe I can have both, and I'm in the process of trying to figure it out. But, with the help of God and his guidance, I know that his timing is perfect and I'm just doing what I can to do my part. So if anyone haven't told you today that they love you, let me be the one to say I love you. You're awesome. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not quit, do not give up. The world does not get easier, but you will get stronger. Y'all have a blessed day, bye-bye.

Speaker 1: 33:32

Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode, and for daily motivational and up-to-date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time. Bye.