Excellence Above Talent Podcast
The State of Man Is in Crisis—It’s Time for a Conversation.
The Excellence Above Talent podcast was born from pain, loss, and a deep need for change.
- Men are 3.6 times more likely to die by suicide than women.
- Men commit the majority of violence in the U.S., including domestic abuse and sexual assault.
- 90% of the prison population consists of men.
These are not just statistics—they represent broken families, lost lives, and a cycle of harm and abuse that must end.
As a BIPP (Batterer’s Intervention and Prevention Program) Director for four years, I’ve had countless conversations with men—men who believed abuse was necessary, men who didn’t even realize they were abusers. What I learned is that men want to talk, but they have no safe space to do so.
Society teaches men to suppress their struggles, to avoid vulnerability, and to uphold a toxic version of manhood. But silence is destroying us.
The Excellence Above Talent podcast is here to challenge the status quo. We’re redefining what it means to be a man—one conversation at a time.
Join me. Let’s fight for the future of manhood. Our sons are watching.
#ExcellenceAboveTalent #MensMentalHealth #RedefiningManhood #BreakTheCycle
Excellence Above Talent Podcast
What We Don't Say Is Killing Us: Men's Journey Through Vulnerability
Aaron Thomas and Pastor Cliff have a profound conversation about modern masculinity, challenging traditional norms while exploring emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and purposeful living. They examine how society often contradicts itself by telling men to suppress natural instincts while celebrating these same qualities in women.
• Manhood today requires awareness and confidence despite societal pressures to conform
• Finding purpose beyond wealth and status means connecting with our deeper calling
• Vulnerability is crucial but must be practiced in safe relationships with trusted individuals
• Many men struggle with emotional intelligence because they were never taught how to process feelings
• The path to healing requires acknowledging painful truths about ourselves and our past behaviors
• Male friendships face unique challenges but are essential for accountability and growth
• Being physically present isn't enough for fatherhood—emotional awareness is crucial
• Making a positive impact requires pushing past criticism and focusing on your purpose
• Finding and following your passion provides endless fuel for meaningful living
I just want to tell anybody listening that no matter where you've come from, what you've been through—your triumph or your trauma—there's a purpose, a God-given purpose on every single human alive. The answers to satisfaction in life won't be found in anything other than your purpose and passion.
#excellenceabovetalent #EAT #dontgiveup #youdeservethebest #youareenough ...
You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.
Speaker 2:What's up my beautiful people, aaron Thomas, with excellent above talent, I have the honor and privilege of having Pastor Cliff on the podcast. This is your second. I also my opinion. I think his church is one of the few churches that are really after souls, really trying to change the narrative, change the culture, a church where God is in the front. So I just again, every chance I get, I just want to say the burden is heavy and you're carrying it with grace and I appreciate you for jumping on. Thank you.
Speaker 4:I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for those words. Yes, sir.
Speaker 2:So we're doing a series, uh called the state of manhood, and in my first episode I told you we're bringing people on from all forms, shapes, sizes of life just to come in, uh, have a conversation. Uh, because the state of manhood, I think, is not in turmoil, but it's in a place where people need to talk about it and talk about it to where it's not in a negative way or in a negative space. So again, we have five topics and from those five topics there's questions, and so the five topics I'll give you the rundown it's identity and purpose, emotions and mental health, relationships and brotherhood, fatherhood and legacy, masculinity and society. So we'll start off with identity and purpose. The first question is what does it mean to be a man today, and how has that changed over time?
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I think those are great, great topics. By the way, and being a man in today's society has it has a whole lot of descriptions and a whole lot of true identities. I guess there's a lot of people who think they know what it means to be a man. There's a whole lot of men who have no male influences, so they don't really know what it means to be a man. And I think what it means to be a man in our society right now is to be someone who is right now, is to be someone who is aware and, in my opinion, someone who is confident in who they are. This, this is going to be from my perspective and my walk of life, but I think manhood is a privilege.
Speaker 4:It really is a privilege, and in our, in our broader society, there is a skewed perspective on manhood. But I've never been ashamed of my masculinity. I've never been ashamed of my, my thought process, how I was wired. I tend to believe that I was made exactly who I am and so, while I think society looks at manhood with a filter and with a lens, I celebrate, I celebrate my identity. I'm cool with being my identity. I don't feel the need to try to change, bend or bow being who I am as a man.
Speaker 2:Yeah same. So how can men find purpose beyond society's focus on status and wealth?
Speaker 4:Well, society's purpose of status and wealth is something that men are kind of forced into having to answer to and think about. If you're not winning at the bank, you're not winning in our society, and this may sound a little rough to say, but there's a lot of females in feminine society that push that narrative and I don't know what I would do if I was single right now, looking in a relationship, because it's almost like a bar that a man just can't reach. I'm in an average man can't reach sometimes. And so wealth and and notoriety and all that kind of stuff, I I really think.
Speaker 4:I really think our purpose is deeper than that. Our purpose is what we were created to do, what I believe God put us on earth for that purpose breath in our body, for a purpose. I think men should find purpose in raising and helping to raise the men around them and support the men around them, and I particularly mean raise younger men, our sons, our niece, our nephews, our grandsons, our cousins. Uh, nobody has a greater influence on the family, on the boys in your family, than the men of your family.
Speaker 4:A greater influence to the positive and to the negative and uh. So finding purpose outside of those norms, I think is important. Self goals, you know, in your body, your physical health, your mental health, a trade, you know? I'm thinking of somebody I know right now who's in their 60s, just went to real estate school. Finding purpose in being able to tell yourself what you're capable of and not let society tell you what you're capable of. We got in this place, which I think is negative, because we let society give us our purpose, gotcha, instead of understanding our God-given purpose. I feel we're built with purpose inside of us, correct. We're built with hormonal purpose. Yeah, we're built with social purposes. I mean, you get a group of guys together, something's going to happen. Yeah, Some kind of contest, some kind of proving, some kind of test, something. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Because purpose is inside of us. We've got to show something. I feel like we're wired that way. Yeah, but what has society done? Put a cap on all that Told us we're wrong, that's bad, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:And it's crazy because women now are doing the same exact thing that men were told is a negative thing, negative thing. And they're, you know, trying to cap us while putting them on, uh, making them strong. Um, I see it now more like movies and tv shows where, um, there's a narrative yeah, like I think I don't know if the blue beetle is, it was a there's a marvel and all the women, the dude has superpowers and he was the weakest. He was the weakest man on that show and he had the superpowers and the women were the ones that were courageous and going out there and willing to die. And I'm not saying women can't, but men also can too. And there is a narrative where why can't we both have be powerful and make things great? Why do you have to minimize one to lift up the other?
Speaker 2:Not to get ahead of ourselves.
Speaker 4:But because we live in a society where we're ingrained that in order to get somewhere, you have to step on somebody else to get there, and I think that has now crossed. It was already crossing social lines.
Speaker 4:It was already crossing all kinds of financial lines, business lines, but now that it's crossing even gender lines, what's going to happen when men think they have to actually step on women to get somewhere Correct? I don't think we're there, yeah, but I think, as time has told us. I mean, I remember big women's movements back in the 70s and you know what I mean, which rightfully so, I think. I think the women should have a voice. I think the women should have be able to vote right for sure, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4:But I'm just saying it's just. We always just teeter-totter from society is let's step on this group in order to get somewhere. Yeah, I just. I think we're in a dangerous place of mind and though men have that competitive um, winning, you know, I gotta win and built into us we've apologized for that a long time, for sure, and lately we're having to hide, mask, refrain, restrainrain in ways that I don't think we were created to do. So. I think we were born with that warrior, fighter, survivor mentality, and society is telling us to squash it, shut up and sit down.
Speaker 2:I think it's society or history was created by men being monsters Going to war. That is not a thing that people want to do, but if they have to do it, they will do it and they will do it to the best of their ability. And I think the aspect of you know, minimize the monster that you are, the aspect of you know, minimize the monster that you are, um and I, I think that there's a um as a, a beautiful, like a seesaw. You know it's. You need to be a monster, we need to be a monster, and you don't need to be a monster, we don't need to be a monster. Uh, you, you have to learn how to, to cut it off, uh, to, to work with it, but I with it, but I, yeah, I just think it's, it's the we we are, and I think history repeats itself.
Speaker 2:You're, you're trying to diminish men and I think at some point, just like with the women, we will begin to fight back, and because it's you can, it's more frustrating because you know women are saying men, men are this and men are that, not our women.
Speaker 2:But some women are saying, while crushing the men that are in their lives, they're doing the same exact thing that they were upset that men were doing, and so at some point, men are going to be like I'm I'm done trying to to appease, I'm done trying to work alongside with you because you don't want to work with me, you just want to, to crush me, and at some point the monster is going to come out of like I am not going to get crushed by you or your movement because that's how you feel and I think a lot of there has been a lot of backlash and a lot of like young, young boys and men that are trying to go back to the old ways and trying to do, you know, things that necessarily wasn't the best for either party.
Speaker 2:That necessarily wasn't the best for either party. Yeah, because you know men who are abusive, or men who are just not happy. They're not happy in their lives, and so it's just one of those things. At some point, I think, history will repeat itself and you know we, as men, will fight back.
Speaker 4:And I think we're built with a circuit somewhere a breaker that will trip. For sure, and I mean I know you saw that in the service, I know you see that, we see that in families, we see that you can back a man in a corner for so long For sure, and something primal, something. Again I'm going to go back and say, god-given, yeah, we're built to survive.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And that's why I think men have squashed. And the Bible talks about the word meekness, and meekness is not weakness, Meekness is power restrained.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and biblical meekness and biblical manhood I think are closely tied together, because Jesus never said don't be to be weak. Yeah, he said keep your power of men who tapped into the power, the rugged, take whatever comes, you know, if you get hit you keep on going. You know kind of a deal. But men are wired short circuit and unfortunately, I think again the tables will turn to your point and then we do go back to maybe some bad places because they can only take so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, uh, still on identity and purpose. How does vulnerability fit into true masculinity?
Speaker 4:man I think vulnerability is is to men that are listening and to men that have not tapped into the power of safe vulnerability. There's something emotionally relieving, there's something mentally gratifying that's safe, and you have to cultivate a relationship where vulnerability is safe, because not all vulnerability is safe. Some vulnerability can be counterproductive and I'm just going to be honest. I mean, we live in a society again where it can be turned on, you correct, um, but safe vulnerability and I'm going to say, in the last 36 months, if I could be real straightforward, have I really even found what true vulnerability? Because men, even in their attempts at vulnerability, still have a few layers of if they're really going to open up, 100, yeah, let me trust you with level three vulnerability, yeah, or level one before I get to level two, yeah, and, and we'll see what you do with level one and then I'll open up a little more. But women, it seems like they go right to level three. Who cares?
Speaker 4:Men are guarded, men are measured, or at least that's been my experience. And when you do open up and you share that with someone, I read a book a few months ago that said, if you get one good, true relationship and and I'm gonna say years and years of marriage don't always mean that correct. One good relationship where you can truly communicate and open up. I mean it can really tap in and pull out some of the deep places in your heart and mind. And and uh, I don't know, I'm barely martha and I are 20 years married this year. I'm barely tapping in the last three to four years on the vulnerability aspect of me truly sharing, bro, everything I'm thinking, yeah, things I would never say. So I couldn't say I felt like, do you think it's?
Speaker 2:you should have that level of vulnerability when it comes to you know, having conversations, uh in your marriage and then with uh a friend that's a man. Do you feel like you can tell your wife everything and she can handle it? Um, or should there be like another person that you know that can go deeper and have like you can you can have those deeper conversations of you know things that are going on in?
Speaker 4:manhood. My answer is yes on both and no on both. And why I say that is because what the covenant of marriage was supposed to be was that got you. What we have ended up with because of our is we've ended up with a whole lot of acting and a whole lot of going through the motions and and um, I mean I'm martha was sitting right here, I'd say the same thing a large majority of our marriage was going through what marriage looked like, not what marriage was. Yeah, and that's it's. It feels bad. It feels bad to say, but if I'm I'm not truthful, I'm just continuing on the lie. Then I relied on other friendships and other I'm embarrassed to say male and female Places where I could just be honest without repercussion. It was never my marriage's fault, it was my inability to really tap into that covenant. Now, some marriages this wasn't particularly my dynamic some marriages being really vulnerable has consequences. Yeah.
Speaker 4:It has consequences that turns into repercussions, and so you don't feel safe. Feel safe, um, but I think I think having a brother, a family member, a friend, somebody, a relationship that you've, is appropriate to really open up and be honest. We live I was. I was listening this past weekend, at that conference we're at, to statistics on relationships and true, vulnerable, safe relationships in the 20-somethings right now, in 2025, and they don't believe they exist. They don't. They don't believe they exist. They don't know where to be safe and, which is crazy to me, it is because they don't.
Speaker 4:We're living that, that generation, that age. They don't want to get married. Yeah, they saw too much crap going on and and you know, divorce rate in our ages has gotten higher, yeah, and things like that, and so now they're cool with just going from friendship to friendship, telling nobody everything and everybody something, yeah, and so, yeah, I mean, I think having a brother is great, having somebody you can truly be on, but that takes work on our end, that takes work on us, because I bet you, there's people out there, more people that want to be that. But if you're just getting, if you're just getting confident and even let me start with us coming to terms with what we're really thinking at all before you can tell somebody what you're really thinking at all.
Speaker 2:100 before you can tell somebody what you're really thinking yeah, I mean, there's some crazy stuff going on in my head, what I say yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:You can only imagine what's going on inside of what I'm thinking 100 my thinking embarrasses me.
Speaker 3:100 and I'm saved by the blood of the lamb and sometimes I'm thinking stuff and I'm like oh hell, no I'm not gonna.
Speaker 4:I can't you know what I mean where'd that come from?
Speaker 2:yeah, why am I doing this, and what? Yeah?
Speaker 4:no, it's and so so coming to terms with that, then taking that step and saying, hey, crazy thing, I was thinking, but golly, that's such a risk yeah and it's almost safer to shut up yeah we got to get past that yeah, we got it we got it. I think it starts. I don't know if we're going to talk about mental health, but I think it starts with mental health.
Speaker 2:There's a book I'm reading. It's called the Way of a Superior man. I sent it to you and I just always, when I'm feeling some type of way, I always go back and I read the book. But he talks about having friends to where they, they hold each other accountable.
Speaker 2:So a guy is married, um, he's at work, and there's a girl at work that he that he really wants to have sex with, and he goes and he has a conversation with, with his friends, um, and they tell him straight up either do it or shut up and go about your business, because you coming and having a conversation with us about it, it does nothing, it's not going to help you out at all whatsoever.
Speaker 2:He doesn't want to do it, so he doesn't do it. But if he doesn't have people saying, bro, you probably shouldn't do it or not, probably you shouldn't do it, you should try to figure out what's going on, uh, as to why you want to, um, if and I'll tell you right now, I never I didn't have guys like that. So whenever I had those, those thought processes, um, after a while I would react to them all right, cool. Well, you know I'm not feeling this way at the crib, so I'm just going to go out and, uh, make it happen, yeah, but it's it's. It's a negative thing because I don't want to say I was raised that way. But I was raised that way, yeah, well, if I I can, I'll take care of myself if, if I need to. Um, I don't want to, but if you don't help someone have that conversation when you're going sometimes through those mental spirals, it can get bad very quickly.
Speaker 4:I'm going to say this we have to take responsibility, those kind of relationships they don't just happen, for sure they don't just pop up. We have to take responsibility to cultivate and find, build in that safe. Biblically it's called wise counsel. Yeah, safe person that you can say hey, I need an honest opinion of what's best for me, even when I'm thinking crazy, and then have the discipline knowing the answer still going up and hearing the answer. Yeah.
Speaker 4:If you don't build it in. It doesn't naturally happen. Yeah, it just doesn't. It doesn't. And there's a whole lot of men walking around thinking, they think and they make the best decisions on their own yeah. And I'm not saying we're all depleted and we're all deficient. What I'm trying to say is there's safety in counsel. Yeah, there's safety in people. Everybody needs somebody who can call you on your BS. Yeah.
Speaker 4:And you not want to slap them or ghost them or, you know, respond back Somebody that can call you on your BS and you take it. Yeah. And you listen and you hear it because you trust that they love you enough to tell you the truth. Yeah, and you have to build that in and be humble enough to listen. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That takes a lot. It really does so switching gears to emotions and mental health, and this is kind of what we were talking about and so kind of digging deeper into it. Why is emotional intelligence often left out of conversations about manhood?
Speaker 4:I think they think we're just. I think they think men are just sexually driven and have no other motivation. Yeah, um, on the man, on the manhood side, I think men didn't hear emotional conversations and what they did they heard from females and they run the risk of being labeled if they open up too much. Yeah, and there's this scary label for a man that somebody's gonna think you're xyz. Yeah, if you cry, if you open up, if you say things like I'm offended, I'm hurt, yeah, I feel abandoned, rejected.
Speaker 4:Especially American society, american society has turned the man into a machine. Yeah, that they were never supposed to be. I have friends from other countries and they don't deal with some of the things. They still deal with things, but I'm just saying they don't deal with some of the Americanized labels and just so quick to accuse, so quick to label, deal with things, but I'm just saying they don't deal with some of the americanized labels and just so quick to accuse, so quick to label, and our culture just throws everybody in boxes and labels and the more labels, the safer you look if you've got labels that identify you, and so I think emotional conversations just weren't there. Yeah, I'm thinking right now like I never even learned it in school. No, you don't. I didn't learn it in church, I didn't learn it in school. I didn't learn it at home. Cry, I'll give you something to cry about yeah and so here we are, men.
Speaker 4:Our heart is in tears, our mind is in tears, and that's the body's way of healing, and we stifle our own healing. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Right yeah. I mean, I'm not alone in that. You're definitely not alone in that. And I, little girls cry. Why you crying, yeah, why you crying son, yeah, little girls cry, what? Yeah, but it hurts too. It does. It hurts Dad or it hurts mom. She broke up with me. I don't know any man that don't get in the shower when life and hide to cry. Yeah, I know they do, the ones listening do yeah, they may not want to admit it, but we find our places to cry well, I cried on facebook.
Speaker 2:Listen, I had the conversation. It just happened. But to me, I feel, once you go to war and you see people dying, you see how small you really are in this world we call life. In this world we call life. The less I care about what people say or would think about what I'm doing, because, at the end of the day, I'm not going to be here forever and so I'm not here to try to shy away from the things that need to be talked about or said in order to be better as men.
Speaker 4:But you have forced yourself to mature A hundred percent Emotionally, yeah, and I know you, I know your core values, I know you want to be better. Yeah, you want to be the better man than you've ever seen. You want to improve and you want to pass on something great to the next generation. But we're we're a small minority compared to the boys that you're seeing in schools. Yeah, you know, at the gym or whatever society as a whole has has really suffered in that area, and I think listeners and I think we as men need to cultivate and and maybe it's going to take men stepping up, saying give the give, give him the the ability to feel this, yeah, like and teach. We do need teachers of manhood. Yeah, healthy manhood, yeah, um, the generation before us didn't talk about it. They thought that was good. Yeah, there was a generation before that was almost counterproductive shut up, little girls don't cry, you know.
Speaker 4:Little boys don't cry, you know, or whatever. I think that it's a, it's a call to us as men to be able to cultivate an environment and then advocate for that individual or that person, saying hey, give him, he's got to feel this yeah, even that's a risk, because I speak up. What do I say? Yeah.
Speaker 4:You know, yeah, I'm thinking of a man right now in my life going through a financial issue, loss of business. He's hanging his head everywhere he goes and he's got boys and you know, in my opinion, he doesn't take time to heal and he's no good to the next generation until he's't take time to heal, and he's no good to the next generation until he's good to himself.
Speaker 4:You heard me say that and I think it's important emotionally that we learn to be confident. Learn to be open, transparent and confident, and society won't understand and someone that doesn't care will make it If you care about that you'll always have something else to answer to. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's. You know, going back to emotional intelligence, I know and it's something that I still have to work with within myself If I come to my wife and I'm open and I'm vulnerable and I'm trying to have a conversation about how I feel, and she flips it and it becomes about what I'm not doing and she becomes the victim. So I'll feel some type of way and instead of and this is the maturity aspect of me now if I did that and you did that to me, then I'll go and I'll find someone to have that conversation with, and it always ends up with me cheating. I'll just tell you that right now. It will always end up with there's someone that wants to listen to what I have to say, and so now it's, it's more of a you have to go within and kind of okay.
Speaker 2:So you know, I tried to have a conversation um with her and it became about her, and so I'm I'm going to chill for a day. Then I'm going to try it again, because I need to be heard as well as she needs to be heard, and it's not fair that she's the only one that gets to be heard. But that is one of the hardest things to do, because I feel like the B word. I feel like a little Because, as a man cool, you don't want to listen. You say the B word on every other episode. Oh yeah, don't filter it for me. I'm working on. I'm working on because the kids at school tell me I got too much. So I'm working because I'm not trying to get a parent.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm not trying to get a parent calling me.
Speaker 2:I'm not trying to get a parent calling me saying you cuss too much with the kids. But no, that's what I feel like and I don't like feeling like that. And so back in the day, in order for me not to feel that way, I'd go and I'd chase I need to feel like a man. And then I'd conquer and I'd chase I need to feel like a man. And then I'd conquer and I'd be like yes, well, I'm still that dude.
Speaker 4:Well, let me say this In my Mark and I have been doing marriage therapy for over three years, every week. I mean it started because we were having issues. It's now keeping us strengthened and conditioning our marriage for when issues arise. So now we started therapy as a response to our issues. Now we go to therapy as a protocol, a training, um, you know more of a, a vitamin to issues versus the antibiotic to cure an infection. Yeah, and it's been so helpful. What I've learned is men and women are are completely opposites in the way we think. We think in boxes.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and they think in spirals, like everything connected, like, uh, everything is connected. So you opening one box for her to get in, yeah, connected to something she felt years ago got you and it frustrated you. So so you know what I mean. We want to close the box down. Yeah, and and, and. Even for somebody else we open the box up. And that's why other things come in sexual opportunities, emotional opportunity you know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and women think everything connected and so, while I understand it, I don't necessarily fault it got you, because most women are doing it the best they can and that's why, unilaterally, most I'm not gonna say all most women would have the same response to their own husband or their own partner like they would.
Speaker 4:They would probably, it would probably flip about them somehow, because somewhere connected it is about them yeah in their mind and in our box we're take, we open a box and then we close it and then we can open up another box. We can open as many boxes you want, but don't, we can't have nine boxes with lids open. No, bro, we'll, we'll just check out. Yeah, it's too much. They're in all nine boxes plus the other 30. You can't. You haven't even opened yet.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and all they need and so I guess what I'm just trying to say is like I something's got, we've got to tip the point, in my opinion, that something's got to change and how we understand each other, and it starts with understanding ourselves. Yeah, the greatest thing, because me and martha went through the same thing I'll start talking about something, or she'll start talking about something and she'll switch to different subjects and I'll go hold on just a minute. We didn't resolve nothing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's just all intertwined in this big old conversation with no ending. That don't work for a man. Yeah, a man is compartmentalized and when. That's why, when it's sexual time, all bets are off. Yeah, we ain't thinking.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we think about nobody, nothing else, yeah when it's being uh, money, we're driven, we're focused. You know what I mean, and it ain't about nothing else. I really think understanding and educating ourselves first as men, yeah, who we are and then those, those, uh, it comes back to emotional intelligence and emotional maturity and you kind of have to build your own regimen yeah you have to build your own ability, um to understand it, speak to the next generation and fix this and fix ourselves.
Speaker 4:That's really all we can do. Yeah, that's really what we've got to do to make those conversations relevant. That's my two cents on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's one of those things where I've processed and I'm learning, but I've still learned and I'll say this with every bone in my body and I believe it 100% If you are a cheater, you are a coward, because you're running from what you need to do in order to make what you said you wanted work, and I've been in care of my whole entire life into this relationship. I have never been faithful with anybody into this relationship and I don't see myself going out anymore and doing cheating because I don't want to be that man. I don't want to be someone who is so afraid to have the conversation with the person I say I love and I want to be with forever and go have it with somebody else and then fall into temptation. So there's parameters I put in place and things that I know that I should not do, things, that I should not be around, that I should not do things that I should not be around. And there's still, you know, facebook, instagram, right, it gets me, and so I'm not thinking about it. And then there's a big booty girl that's just doing something crazy, right, and I'm like dang. And then now I'm not clicked and now I'm, you know, scrolling, and now they're all over the place. So now I've got to go back in.
Speaker 2:It's a retraining, I'm not interested. So I go when I'm in my right state of mind and I know, okay, this is what I should be doing, so I'm not interested. I'm not interested, so I don't want to see stuff like that, because I know it will take me down this rabbit hole and I know it'll. It can create issues that don't need to be, you know 100%, and then boxes and so so I've, I've done, I've done enough work and I'm continuing. I'm going to continue doing the work because, um, like I said, it's you know, when I'm having a conversation, I'm trying to be vulnerable and open and you're, you're on to do different things. It makes me feel some type of way.
Speaker 1:But then it's also okay.
Speaker 2:well, what can I do to bring it back to what I'm trying to get her to understand, while still trying to understand her? I?
Speaker 4:want to just say something. The words I feel I feel I feel. The words I feel I feel I feel. As men, I believe we need to be better at describing our feelings. Uh, they literally have a wheel called the feelings wheel is it right over there?
Speaker 2:it's right there.
Speaker 4:That's what I'm saying, that it is on the refrigerator I feel blank, yeah, and in in my relationship, I feel disrespected when my advice is asked for but consistently not used and you do something polar opposite. There was a point in my relationship where I swear I felt like she was asking for my advice just to do what the other thing was, to do what the other thing was, and it made me feel so unheard, yeah, unvalued, disrespected, because I know how to do this. In my head, I got the answer this is what you, just. You know what I'm saying, yeah, but instead I would say you know why, you know why are you, you, you, you, you, you. Instead of I feel, I feel, I feel, I found out that when I was clear about how I felt more and more, that's speaking a language that she could understand, gotcha, instead of why are you, or why did you, or this is what you get. You see what I mean when things fall apart. You was attack, yeah, yeah. And to I say to female you know, to that, or at least to my, in my relationship it was a. It was just the spark we needed for emotional distance.
Speaker 4:Yeah, all the stuff that came in between rejection, the silent treatment, a fight, argument, not asking my advice again whatever, yeah, insert whatever, because every relationship has something. If we could get boys and men and grandparents, if we could become men that could say those with confidence. I feel disrespected by being told that I'm not working enough. I feel rejected Again.
Speaker 4:It's putting the mask on you before you try to fix anything else, because I used to think you probably heard this you know the order of importance in life is God, your spouse, you know, your children, you know whatever, but really it's God and it's knowing how to take care of yourself, because nothing else works if you don't have that wholeness of mind, that peace of mind and men. We push that right. We sacrifice ourselves. Who cares about me as long as there's food in that refrigerator, lights on in that house, got me up early, nobody cares. We spiral into this place of thought. I bet you, she over there, would care, I bet you look at her. Or we find ways to get what we need without emotionally being mature enough to ask for it Correct, that's a whole other conversation. A whole other conversation.
Speaker 4:I'm going to tell you right now to the statistics I heard this weekend. That's why 21-year-olds, 22-year-olds, they don't need a girlfriend.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's all right everything they need, and then in three minutes or less, they're done, they're gone, they're gone and they head over play football, yeah, and go to work, yeah, with just as much, and that has happened. And now the threat of marriage, healthy relationships as a whole is is I mean, it's crashing, yeah, it's crashing. 46 percent in 2012 believe marriage was something they were going for, that was a goal, or maybe it was 2008. It's down in the 30s now, yeah of of people believe marriage is something worth having. That blows my mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that blows my mind and it's pretty sad, stat too as well. Yeah, we went off on a little tangent my bad.
Speaker 4:No, that's, that's totally fine.
Speaker 2:This is what it is, um, because people need to hear it, and this might be something that someone listens to the first time, and that's what they were dealing with, and I think it's super important to have this conversation, and a lot of it is dealing with the ego, and a lot of it is dealing with the ego of because you don't, i'ma go and do something else versus sitting in it, processing yeah, trying to figure out how you feel and then coming up with a plan so that, um, you and her can have a conversation where you are heard and she is heard Way harder to do than to just go out there and be like cool, I know I can do it, so I'm going to go and take care of me and then I'll come back whenever you're done doing whatever it is you're doing. It's really an ego thing.
Speaker 4:Well, an ego was all we had to hold on to 100%.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's all we had, to hold on to 100%. Yeah, that's all we had. Yeah, we didn't know there was nothing safer than we were in our own mind. Yeah, and there was nothing safe. There was nothing. It's like reaching for something to hold on to in the dark. There was nothing to hold, so we held on to. An mind was telling us was all in the realm of possibility. And a little bit of my story is that I was a crappy husband too. Yeah, my first attempt at monogamy was marriage. Yeah, that's bad. Yeah, that was real bad. Yeah, because I would just, you know, for marriage, I would just talk to whoever, whatever felt good. Yeah, and then I get into marriage and had no respect for monogamy. Yeah, my love for you and you alone and no one else. It was I love you too.
Speaker 2:I love you but it's not funny, but that's. But ain't that true? That's. That was that in my first marriage. I love you too, oh.
Speaker 4:I could love you too.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I could love all yeah yeah, I could love it all and that's embarrassing to say 100%, but that was ego driven, because who was going to stop me in the confines of my own mind yeah, and then and then for me man this is hard to say, but I'm going to say it on your podcast For me, I got so good at living a lie oh, 100%, that I believed the lie to be truth. Yeah, and then I had to come to terms. I had to grieve a truth I believed that was actually a lie in order to go back and find and rebuild trust in truth. Yeah, and that's the hardest work a man will ever do 100%, yeah. And if he's got the character and to push himself to his potential and the desire to really see, he'll do the work.
Speaker 4:Yeah, if not, he'll punk out and find a place that just strokes his ego and finds his ego and and be that that coward yeah, really, the cowardness is not telling how you feel, it's addressing your own ego, being scared of your own ego being scared of the person you see in the mirror.
Speaker 2:That's to me. That's the hardest work I've ever had to do. Sit, look at myself and just be like you have been a piece of shit.
Speaker 4:You're not your entire life but right, when someone dies, you grieve them, and especially when they're close to you. Yeah, when someone dies, you grieve them, and especially when they're close to you, yeah, you grieve them, but you grieve them and your capacity to live around that grief grows. Yeah, imagine grieving a person you thought you were 100% and you have to look at them every single day and say I've wasted so much time being who I'm not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that this person, who I, who I thought that I was, I'm, uh, reading this book. Uh, I have this in my bag, um, but the chapter I read today. It said that god created everything and everything was perfect. The sun how far the sun is from the earth, how the earth spins, the moon, um, the grass, the, the animals, uh, the gravity, everything that he created was perfect. And we, as humans, think that we're the only imperfect being that he created. And he did not create imperfect human. He created perfect everything. Our choices and our actions then bring the downfall of that creation, but then also mentally, we walk around saying we're not good enough.
Speaker 4:How we see ourselves.
Speaker 2:We're not good enough when we see ourselves. We're not good enough when we are created in the perfect way possible. So you know, we, we are good enough. But in order to sit down and believe that you are good enough, you have to constantly look at yourself and work on the things that that that are inside that don't make you feel like you're good enough.
Speaker 2:And, and again, that's a tough thing to do because the mask we wear and the things that we, that we say we we are and have done just to appease people who don't really care about us any that don't really care, you know, after about, you know, two or three weeks of maybe them looking and trying to figure things out. After that, they, they have to live their own lives, they have bills and things they have to pay for. And I it's, it's a, um, it's just it's. It's crazy how we, we put so much on on us when, looking in that mirror and dealing with that person, um, the monster that you are, uh, the ego driven person that you are, um, yes, it it sucks, but it it just makes you a stronger person and a stronger man um, this is why I advocate, in my role, in my purpose.
Speaker 4:I advocate for a relationship with God, because a relationship with God shows you you're not the final say, got you.
Speaker 4:And that's why I believe a relationship with God, a relationship with His Word, a relationship with a regiment, a spiritual regiment that does bleed over into physical, mental, emotional, verbal. You know progress being made, something that's advancing. It's more than just religion, it's more than just something to belong to. It teaches our humanity that we are subject to something. A human that has no, feels they are not subject to anything, lives in it. And don't get me wrong, I went to church the whole time. I was, I was being a crappy husband, but it wasn't until I truly bit into a relationship with god for myself. Being in church don't fix it. Growing into a relationship with god fixes it, but it fixes it because it teaches you. You're submitted, and I could go down a whole rabbit trail, but men have a problem with submission when they say, yes, sir, I'll do it, or a boss or whatever. Down deep inside you know we need that built in it's, it's built in for a reason.
Speaker 4:It's built in in his word. For a reason, yeah, um, so I well go down the rabbit hole. Well, the Bible says that the man should love his wife like Christ loved the church, yeah, and gave himself for the church by giving himself. We don't have to go to the cross and die. We don't have to die at all. We die to ourselves for our own selfish, self-focused, self-driven, selfish, self-focused, self-driven.
Speaker 4:I think there's a difference between caring for yourself and investing in yourself and letting yourself always be in the driver's seat Two different things in those opinions. But men, even when they want to or they say they are short of maybe some coaching relationships, they got to have a lot of respect for you to submit to you. I have, and there's a lot of people that I've been I'm using air quotes submitted to that I just didn't respect and down deep inside I knew good and well I wasn't going to do nothing. They were saying I was just going through the motions. There's a level of submission that men have to submit to and I mean that in. We talked earlier about building in an accountability system. That's submission, that's being able to submit to someone and say you're right.
Speaker 4:I'm going to give you, aaron, the ability to look at my life from your vantage point and I'm going to trust you that you're going to tell me what's best for my life. That's submitting to a friend a relationship that can actually speak like them. We don't live in a society like that. Men don't like it. They don't like being told what to do, so, as I do, that it fuels the ego and then, before you know it, you've made a crap hole of your life because nobody could tell you nothing. Yeah, I don't want to preach, you know, I could preach for an hour on that. But then comes pride. Yeah, it comes. All these things that will, that will have you denying your own help, yeah, denying people that really love you, because of an ego, you know going back to looking at yourself in the mirror.
Speaker 2:Creating a space where you're wanting to learn about what God is truly asking and telling you to do is also something that's very difficult and tough, difficult and tough, and I would say it's probably more difficult than looking at yourself in the mirror and fixing yourself because of what you just said. There has to be a level of submission. When you're going into His Word and you're reading it and you're trying to understand it for you, to make you better, and a lot of the stuff that you read, uh it, and if you're really studying it, goes against every single thing that you have learned, uh, from what you thought a christian or a man should be. Yeah, it goes, goes against everything that you thought it was, and that, too, becomes a struggle within self. So I do think submission is.
Speaker 4:I would like to say to any listener that's in this position to give yourself permission to do two things Learn something that you didn't know and unlearn something you thought you did know, and those aren't always the same. We can onboard a bunch of knowledge, but in order to onboard stuff that's actually going to take root and change us, we're going to have to offload some old thinking that's killing us.
Speaker 4:It's starving us out. Men don't cry. That's something society is trying to tell. So it's been a big cinder block fence for emotional intelligence to crawl over and get set down in the deep places of a man's heart and mind. A man's heart A man has tear ducts. Like a woman. I'm upset. A man has a heart. A man. Women feel fear. Men feel fear. How we respond may be differently, but we have everything the same, yeah and um, I don't know. Yeah, unlearning some things I think is important I would concur.
Speaker 2:All right, so we're gonna. We're gonna move from emotional and mental health uh. I had a few more questions, but I feel like we talked about it um relationship and brotherhood. So this is one that I struggle with and I this is, you know, something that guys tell me I have to do better at uh, what does a healthy male friendship looks like, and why do many men struggle to form deep connections?
Speaker 4:Well, I think many men struggle to form deep connections. I alluded to that earlier.
Speaker 1:It feels gay.
Speaker 4:Yeah, by what we're taught. Yeah. Am I right? No, you're right. I'm just going to say it out loud yeah, you're right. It feels like that's gay. Yeah, and we can't do that. Yeah, and I love every human on the planet. Yeah, but that's been the social accusation. You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying yeah, I mean yeah.
Speaker 4:And so even when you have a brother that really does like you, you know, want to see the best in you, even that I mean, you know, it's just, it's just I have to say yeah, well, I mean because, because how do you ask somebody hey, man, bro, just stop right there. And all the feelings a man is feeling like hey, I need a friend, yeah, that feels weak, yeah, it feels gay, that feels weird, that feels. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, I do, and I I really think, I really think getting past that point could tap into really true emotional wellness for men who can uh, but, but like, let's grab lunch it feels gay yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4:We got to have a business conversation, or we got to have a reason, or there's got to be a whatever.
Speaker 2:You just can't get together and just check in on each other. You can't just get together and check in.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I know the problem. I can't say that I have every answer for the solution, but it's definitely a problem. I think to your first part of your question is the benefit of that You'd probably find out that somebody else is struggling with porn. Mm-hmm, probably they're a lot closer than you think. You'd probably find out that somebody else is struggling with porn. Probably they're a lot closer than you think. And it's kind of like you've got to grow both emotionally at the same time, because there can be an imbalance in that. I've experienced that. I want to be open, I want to be honest, I want to talk, and then I'm just talking to somebody who is just not there. That's kind of depressing, that's kind of a letdown when what you need is not always there you know, I don't think anybody's got a cure for that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I really think that's why relationships that are formed organically. You know, I think it was 11 years old, um, you know, I think it was 11 years old, that somewhere, statistically 11 years old, you, you form some of your deepest, uh, convictions about relationships, 11 years old, yeah, and you carry them into your 40s, your 50s, yeah, and if, if, you're the guy at the lunch table that everybody's making fun of, you don't want to talk to nobody at 11. That's where I was at 11 years old. You know what I mean. I mean, I had some friends, but my point is they say that I don't know. Um, and again, I think if you could really tap into the, the strength of it, yeah, that'd be great. Not everybody. And then, as men, we, we don't, we gotta, we gotta take time to see people's motives and what they believe in and and and then we gotta cross into.
Speaker 4:This is my opinion on this. Well then, there's just so many places where it's got to be real. Yeah. I got one, but it took a lot of work, yeah, a lot of work, yeah, and I kind of more feel like a brotherhood and a friendship is found in a few relationships. There's some people you can talk about this with and some people you can talk about that with and, a la carte kind of piece it together, got you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, does that make sense? It does, it does I mean tell me how that's going. I can talk about marriage with this guy and we can go pretty deep. I can talk about marriage with this guy and we can go pretty deep and I can talk about like life issues and kind of what's going on with this guy and that's why I go back to that.
Speaker 4:If you find one, yeah that you can just be open and honest with. I picked up the phone Sunday night A pastor friend of mine who we just met in the last maybe two or three years, and grown a friendship, but I genuinely wanted to know how his day went. You know years and and and grown a friendship, but I genuinely wanted to know how his day went. You know, and, and he's got some cool things happening. He's from emerald.
Speaker 4:He's got some cool things happening but, I'll tell you that inside, like I was faced with, is this weird? Am I being weird? Yeah, when I'm just a guy that's looking to have a conversation, I'm interested, genuinely interested, in how it went. Yeah.
Speaker 4:There was a point. It was just business. You know people in the same business if you will, but I truly feel like there's a friendship there. But, man, it takes work. Yeah, and we won't even open up the conversation. Nobody wants to work for nothing. Yeah, and relationships are work. Yeah, they're the hardest work you'll ever do. They are, they are so yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I also struggle with that too and again, to me it's a sign of weakness and you have to put in work, you have to make calls, you have to text. But again, I also think it's ego-driven and it's something that I'm working on, because what I don't want to do is because society says that's what it is. Then I'm afraid to do it because I'll be called out and I'll be called gay, or I'll be called this or I'll be called that, and then there's this pressure of what will these friends think if I bring this friend Got you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, am I right?
Speaker 4:Yeah, or what will he think of these friends? And it's too many things we're having to try to analyze. Yeah, navigate through To even remotely come close to being authentic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I think that's the beautiful thing about life, though, and being alive and just being human is every day you get to wake up and you get to. You get to choose. You know how you're going to live, why you're living. You get, you get to. You get to. You know, you get to like.
Speaker 2:One of my favorite subject is math. I love solving problems, and so I'm always man. I have this problem, so let me see what can I do to fix it or to find solutions, and to me, I think that's a beautiful thing, because, in my head, why else am I here? Because I have a mentality of and I always talk about it we're not going to be here long, we're going to die In 40 years or 50 years. It's so quick, it comes so fast, and so you know I have to make sure like I'm here for this reason. I'm here for a reason, because you know God put me here Because I mean, I was going against billions of sperms. You know what I mean, and I made it Like that's a miracle within itself. So I'm here, so I have to.
Speaker 4:I'm constantly trying to figure out why I'm here and what can I? Do to you know, make my life better for the people around me as well and live in an impactful way. A hundred percent, yeah, I feel like we can. We can change our impact and we can affect the world with our impact uh that's all we can do yeah um me and you.
Speaker 2:Together, we can affect so many people yeah uh, and hope that the people we affected passed that on yeah um, that's all we can do, yeah uh, we'll go to fatherhood and legacy, so I want to ask both these questions. So what makes a great father, and how can men heal from their own path to be better parents?
Speaker 4:well, um, father wounds, parental wounds as a whole, but father wounds especially are deep and they're a lot of work. Um, I used to say my answer used to be present, but a present toxic father is just as damaging, in my opinion, as a, as a missing father, and and I I'm gonna hold true to that because that was my experience- yeah um, I was actually read your post on instagram last night and re-shared it, talking about the triggers and the signs of those emotional triggers.
Speaker 4:Dr Elizabeth Frederick shared that and I found myself in there and then I go to the triggers and I go back and it's rooted in childhood. Yeah. And I answer the first question by saying an emotionally present and an emotionally aware father is probably one of the biggest things. Someone that's healed Not perfect, yeah, because I grace my dad for not knowing what that meant. I do, I can give him grace.
Speaker 4:There was always food on the table. There wasn't always peace in the home, gotcha, there was always lights on. I didn't go without a roof over my head, right, yeah. But I didn't know, I didn't have confidence to hold my head up, gotcha. And so I think, a father who takes time to stay healthy, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically something's changed in my life, even since I've taken on the desire to to do more physically with my body, because just existing allows. I mean your minds connected to all that. Yeah, I don't gotta say that you know that that feels like.
Speaker 4:So I think men that are listening and and and moms that are listening that encourage fathers to find emotional health. You know, when our tooth hurts we go to the dentist, yeah. When our back hurts we go to the chiropractor, stomachache we run to the clinic, right. But when our emotions and our heart hurts, we let it get, I mean, to the extreme, infected, to the point that it's rotting out our emotions. And so I really think men who are it's probably one of the best gifts you can give your children is not just being physically present, but listening. How I raised my now 12-year-old son versus how I raised my 21-year-old son, I can see the difference and I take responsibility and I'm trying to go back and say I'm sorry, I'm just going to say it. I think so many people's life would change if a parent would come back and say I'm sorry, we know how to have sex and have children. After that it's just dice roll. Yeah, we just make it Time after time.
Speaker 4:We'll wake up every day and just see what happens. See what happens, keep them alive, yeah, try to keep. You know, that's it. Yeah, and that caused a lot of problems, and so that's one thing that I will say that I feel like um fatherhood's about, because, um, and I think that's important yeah and and um yeah, it's crazy because my father wasn't there and I I did this podcast earlier, uh, answering these questions, and my answer was presence.
Speaker 2:I got just just, you know, having the conversations. I'm not sure if it would have been toxic, or I mean he's not there, so it probably would have been more toxic, but, um, his presence, uh, I felt would would have helped me and, you know, learning things about life, um. So I just I thought that was, I think, a father being in the home is important.
Speaker 4:Got you, dude? I do, yeah, but what is the point of you being home if you're still not there?
Speaker 4:Yeah, If it's hell, hell on earth. Yeah, If we've got to be the domestic abuse, yeah, don't know how to handle your own issues. You're coming home, you beat our mom in front of us or you're running around and we pick up on that. What did we learn? So what I'm just saying is, for those that were there. They might say I wish I'd have just rather not had you there, got you. And those that didn't wish you were there, wish you were there.
Speaker 4:And the dynamic I'm just saying is, I think of so I'm gonna take two parent homes, I mean, uh, you know, or blended families or whatever you know divorced families of, uh, the primary custody parent and the child, but an emotionally present father, even they live in another home, can can really still make an impact, yeah, and, and people do that all the time. So I just really think it comes down to men being aware, listening and us making an impact through podcasts, through books, through blogs, through pulpits, whatever we can do to tell you hey, men, heal, so that you can pass on healing to men.
Speaker 2:All right, so a couple more questions and then We'll get you out of here. So, masculinity and society how can men lead and make a positive impact In their community today?
Speaker 4:How can men lead and make a positive impact In their community today? I think? I think men as a whole Should start by thinking about somebody other than themselves volunteering, being present, being active in whatever community they're in. So communities like sports community, neighborhood I don't know Nobody don't live in a neighborhood where there's not some kids in that neighborhood somewhere Getting out on the street and playing basketball, making an impact. I really said that earlier.
Speaker 4:But we got one life. We're here for a purpose and legacy is not what you leave them, it's what you leave in them around you. Legacy is not what I give you when I'm gone, it's what have you gained after knowing me. And for men to really affect some of the changes and some of the necessary things I think to bring emotional and mental and spiritual and even financial lots of wisdom to the next generation is understanding their life is meant for more than just their own selfish purposes. Yeah, and so volunteering in a school, volunteering in a, you know golly, you know there's nonprofits all over the city, all over the city, that need help that are doing stuff.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that it's freaking embarrassing to say that's predominantly staffed by women. Yeah, because men don't want to do it or they're too busy. Yeah, by women. Yeah, because men don't want to. Don't want to do it or they're too busy. Yeah, sit up on a game for you know, four or five hours after coming home from work. Yeah, but won't get out in the street with their own kids. You can split that.
Speaker 4:Miss me with that yeah, that's crazy yeah and and um, so making an impact, leaving a legacy um in churches, in schools. I believe in the church. I'm going to say this the church has went through some rough things. The church has done a lot of damage but the church was the model that Christ left here.
Speaker 4:We don't get to change that. He didn't leave a gym. Nothing wrong with the gym. I go to the gym, I love it. Nothing wrong with the school. He didn't leave the school, he left the church, and he said that was an answer. And though the church makes anyone scream, well, there's hypocrites. Bro. You've got bad burgers at McDonald's and still drove through at 2 am a few weeks later. There are bad people everywhere. There's hypocrites everywhere, and so that's where I'm focused and that's where I feel like I'm called to be.
Speaker 4:But using whatever circle you're in, man, if every man could make a commitment to an hour a week of laying your own pride to the side and make a commitment to serving those around you in some capacity. I'll serve my family, I'll serve my wife. Come on now. No, serve somebody you don't know. Yeah, a world could be changed. A world could be changed. Yeah, and that and that and that's not just a television ad statement, like I literally think that things could make you this neighborhood right here you live in the neighborhood I live in A world could be changed.
Speaker 4:Yeah, instead of get off my I got 15 minutes, or I can play a quick pickup game or something. Why not? So I think that's how men can make a model of legacy and not be afraid. Let me say this too Men got to stop being afraid of, though, the potential of what accusations could happen. If I let accusations stop me from everything, it will work me into a corner of nothing. Yeah for sure there's potential for accusations. It used to be. You know, you don't interact with younger girls. Now it's you don't even interact. You don't even interact with nobody. Yeah, you don't interact with nobody, because anything can and you know what they could, and let me say it on your podcast somebody may accuse me something one day. Um, that's not gonna stop me from being who I believe, who I'm supposed to be, because you know you can just call anybody anything anymore. That's got a lot of people scared from making an impact yeah and I get it.
Speaker 4:It it hurts, but we're not. We're not doing nothing if we let that stop them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as you saying that a lot, sometimes, um, people don't know the amount of my money that I spend, you know, trying to help out, um, kids and organizations and things of that nature. And there are times where I get on facebook and I'm like, hey, I'm doing this, um, I've already put you know such and such amount of money. I need this money to help with buying pizza and stuff like that. And those accusations of like, oh, you're going to keep the money or you're not going to feed those kids, or it's a scam, or you're trying to do something, has never stopped me, because I've always seen the smiles on the kids' faces when they did get the things that I was trying to get for them.
Speaker 2:But it is, people will try to put you in a box and, you know, push you back from what it is that God is saying you got to do for your purpose in your life, for him. And it's scary because that's not something you want. You know people saying about you with either funds or with kids. But at the end of the day, like you said, I'm just going to show up and I'm going to do the best I can. I'm going to give all I have to make it better, and the crazy part is, instead of you know talking about it, come out here and help.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you know, help me change it would be, and help Help people change. It would be amazing how your tone would change. Something I'm facing right now is all you do is talk about we're building a church. All you do is talk about. I told them from the beginning I was going to spend a year and you were going to hear me talk, because in my head, that's more people that can hear the gospel. It's not to build. I think you know this.
Speaker 4:I know Yanni knows, but I know you know this too. I'll use my facility for anything If we have the opportunity to use, so this building will have a gym. I can imagine the amount of teams that don't have practice gym money that we could use we could support. And we do, we host events that we could use. We could support. Yeah, and, and we do, we host event, and so what? My point is, I'm not everything I'm doing, I'm getting not getting accused, but it's just. Oh, this isn't, I'm trying to do more yeah I only got one life.
Speaker 4:Yeah, my breath will run out one day. We are all, we are all living on limited capacity and what will you do with it? Yeah, I'm again.
Speaker 1:I could, I really could care less, and I they're gonna always have something to say, and we live in a world where people were innocent.
Speaker 4:Get called guilty. Yeah, people are guilty. Get caught in. It can be whatever they want to be. Yeah, and what are you gonna do? Sit down, yeah, I'm not gonna be worked into a corner. Yeah, but I society that's predominantly not doing nothing. Yeah, out of ten people, eight of them ain't doing nothing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we know that and they're just talking, talking, they're. They're on facebook, they got a loud mic.
Speaker 4:Yeah, just because everybody's listening to all of them. They got a loud microphone, but, um, I was gonna keep on going. Yeah, um, I've never met a hater that was doing more than me. Yeah. Say it again Because people that do more than me don't got time yeah 100%.
Speaker 2:I was going to say if you ain't got haters, you ain't popping. Your life is not cool enough for people to be like. Ah what? Are you doing and why are you doing?
Speaker 4:it. I had a very loud hater and I did not understand what I did to make them mad. I even a very loud hater and I did not understand what I did to make them mad. Yeah, I even went and like to support them, like, let me buy some product, let me. What's going on here? Until I set up with them the first time and I found out, yeah, nobody comes in their window he's a hot mess, but they're hot mess, they just sit there, and they sit there and stared at what god was doing yeah, in my business and if you ain't?
Speaker 4:got nobody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 4:I told you, society wants to step on me to get somewhere. If you ain't got nobody. Now you got time to punch them thumbs on that keyboard you got in your hand. Yeah, I've never met somebody doing more than me, that was doing better than me, that had time to hate on me.
Speaker 2:Not one of them, man. And now you saying that, I wonder how many people let society um? You know, god has all given us gifts. And I wonder, I wonder how many people have let, yeah, society stifled or stopped them from doing whatever. It is that god?
Speaker 4:has called them to do. It goes back to biblical days when nehemiah was building the wall. Yeah, the kings kept saying come down here, let's talk. Yeah, you're not doing it right, let's talk. Yeah. And he finally had to turn around and say I don't have time to talk to you. Yeah, I'm doing something God told me to do it.
Speaker 4:I got he was fighting be productive, and nobody talks about the balance of the hammer and the sword and how you've got to defend your name while being productive and all this kind of stuff. But he did it and it got accomplished. But it started then. We're just seeing different versions of it now. Now it's on Facebook, now it's whatever can say anything about you raising money. I've seen you meet sports teams, kids in classrooms, rewarding kids that have accomplished goals. Yeah, like that goes somewhere with those kids. It does, it really does.
Speaker 4:And if you let somebody's microphone be louder than the calling inside of you, you'll just shut up and be that person that's just in a a corner doing nothing, and then what they've accomplished is reproduce themselves.
Speaker 3:Yeah and what they don't realize is, I would rather die.
Speaker 2:Like, the reason why I'm doing this is because, um, this is what's keeping me going, it's keeping me alive, it's 100, so, like, you can say and do whatever that you need to say and do, but this is what's keeping me alive. Yeah, I mean, it really is the connections, uh, the joy, the, the potential of the ripple effect of maybe this changes young person's life. There's nothing that can be said or done because, at the end of the day, um, that's that's what I care about.
Speaker 4:More is, uh, the ripple effect of, like them learning something that they got from me and now it's their whole entire generation feeling inside of them that they may, they may, never get anywhere a hundred percent. A sports team, a coach that tells them you killed it today? Yeah, you know how many times that kid man never heard anything and that's gold to him. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's so, yeah, we got to make an impact. We got one life. We got one life, one breath, and it will stop Our heart. Who's better?
Speaker 2:because they encountered us your spiritual mom, pam Jackson don't let them take your shine. It matters. You can't let them take your shine. You gotta show up and just be you, shine bright. I think that's. That's it, man. I think that we covered a lot and we covered a lot. That wasn't an honor question, but I think it's it, man. I think that we covered a lot and we covered a lot. That wasn't an honor question, but I think it was needed. I think it's really going to help people in this process.
Speaker 4:Let me say this I just really want to tell anybody that's listening that, no matter where you've come from, what you've been through, the story of your triumph or your trauma, there's a purpose, a God-given, god-implanted purpose on every single human alive, and the answers to satisfaction in life, peace of mind, peace of heart, are not going to be found in anything other than your purpose and your passion. If it's sports, if it's coaching, if it's teaching, if it's sports, if it's coaching, if it's teaching, if it's music, whatever it is, and and I'm I'm on this kick right now of people to find their passion, yeah, and to hold to a passion that drives them. A passion doesn't need an alarm clock to wake you up in the morning. Yeah. A job, does you know? I mean a obligation, even commitments, they do, yeah, but passion will pull your eyes open or even let not let you go to sleep at all.
Speaker 4:And for me, I found a passion. I found a passion, uh, to help god's people, and and and to help people that are not as people yet, to let them know that church, faith, prayer, it's not for old people, it's not for some of the bad examples. There's been some bad teachers. You can't let bad teachers skew the way that you view teaching, for sure, and I'm going to do the same thing, and so I just tell people to get around people that are helpful, passion out of them. It may start with finding what that is for yourself. Yeah and so, yeah, thanks for having me on, and then with passion.
Speaker 2:my bad, it was just so you don't have to be 20 or 30. You can find it 50, just you got to keep living and keep trying different things in order to and I found that passion is moving too.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it evolves. Yeah, the passion that I had 10 years ago. But follow that passion and you'll never lack fuel, you'll never lack creativity, you'll never lack stamina, you'll never lack a lot of the things that we're looking for in our lives Happiness, success, peace of mind. I really believe that's connected to passion, to what your passion is, and if that's change change, yeah, you know, I mean, don't stick. You ain't stuck in nothing yeah, you know, find what that is and stick with it. And it's life's too short to not be happy in what you're doing and find that passion. And well, you might.
Speaker 4:There might be a season where you have to go clock in and clock out, yeah, while you're building that passion or your ability to do that passion. I'm not afraid of that, but some people let that really cause them to give up on a passion. They see no light, they see no hope. Find a coach, somebody that can help pull that passion out of you. I just think it's incredibly important and every personal interaction I'm making is yeah, but what wakes you up? Serving nonprofits wakes me up in the morning. Yeah, what you know, what I mean?
Speaker 2:um, so yeah, love it, love it so if anyone, having told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You are awesome, you're amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, but you get stronger. Y'all have a blessed day. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode and for daily motivational and up-to-date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time you
