Excellence Above Talent Podcast
The State of Man Is in Crisis—It’s Time for a Conversation.
The Excellence Above Talent podcast was born from pain, loss, and a deep need for change.
- Men are 3.6 times more likely to die by suicide than women.
- Men commit the majority of violence in the U.S., including domestic abuse and sexual assault.
- 90% of the prison population consists of men.
These are not just statistics—they represent broken families, lost lives, and a cycle of harm and abuse that must end.
As a BIPP (Batterer’s Intervention and Prevention Program) Director for four years, I’ve had countless conversations with men—men who believed abuse was necessary, men who didn’t even realize they were abusers. What I learned is that men want to talk, but they have no safe space to do so.
Society teaches men to suppress their struggles, to avoid vulnerability, and to uphold a toxic version of manhood. But silence is destroying us.
The Excellence Above Talent podcast is here to challenge the status quo. We’re redefining what it means to be a man—one conversation at a time.
Join me. Let’s fight for the future of manhood. Our sons are watching.
#ExcellenceAboveTalent #MensMentalHealth #RedefiningManhood #BreakTheCycle
Excellence Above Talent Podcast
Wiping Your Feet at the Door: How Small Actions Shape Big Character
Justin Granado joins Aaron Thomas to explore the evolving landscape of modern masculinity, from defining purpose and embracing vulnerability to building meaningful friendships and leaving a positive legacy.
• Defining manhood as consistently showing up for others in whatever capacity they need you
• Finding purpose through difficult moments and using personal setbacks as catalysts for growth
• Why vulnerability is essential to true masculinity and deep connections
• The importance of being comfortable alone and taking time to decompress
• Creating healthy male friendships by having tough conversations and pushing each other to grow
• Understanding the balance between strength and leadership in relationships
• How to balance masculinity with kindness and emotional intelligence
• Redefining legacy through showing up consistently for people in your circle
• Small actions like "wiping your feet at the door" can create ripple effects of positive behavior
Join us at CrossFit 432 - your first three days are free! We'll meet you where you are with scaling options for any fitness level.
#excellenceabovetalent #EAT #dontgiveup #youdeservethebest #youareenough ...
You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.
Speaker 2:What's up, my beautiful people, aaron Thomas, with Excellence Above Talent, I'm here again with Justin Granato, my bad Granato Granato. Okay, yeah, this is probably your fuck. What? Third, fourth Time on the podcast.
Speaker 3:My ratings are out the roof.
Speaker 2:I want my monetization too.
Speaker 3:If you don't know, Justin owns.
Speaker 2:I want more monetization, too, more money. If you don't know, justin owns one of the hottest gyms in the Permian Basin. It's a gym that is growing a lot. People are showing up, getting fit, working out, getting better, but he's also created a community of people that want to see each other do better, and it takes a lot to carry that burden, to create an atmosphere where people want to show up and they want to work out, because sometimes those workouts are devilish. And you show up and you want to work out, because sometimes those workouts are devilish, uh, and you show up and you do it anyway, uh. So I just want to let y'all know.
Speaker 2:If you're looking for a gym and you don't know where to go, uh, try, come, try out crossfit 432. He'll give you seven days for free. I'm just kidding. He'll give you three days. He'll give you three days for free. And don't be that person like, oh, I'm afraid of CrossFit or I'm scared, because there's scaling options. There's options where he'll figure out a way to where you can still be a part of the workout that's conducive to what you can do Any more. You want to put anything else to that?
Speaker 3:Show up. Come show up, try it out, try out a few classes. Like I said, we'll take care of it. There's so many variations, we can scale as needed. You show up and we'll take care of the rest. You just come in with an open mind and some effort and we'll take care of the rest. You just come in with the open mind and some uh, effort and we can take care of the rest and a positive attitude, don't be negative, don't be a negative nancy, uh, all right.
Speaker 2:So, uh, still on a series of the state of manhood, and we're going to talk about the five different topics that I have, which are identity and purpose, emotions and mental health relationships, and brotherhood, fatherhood and legacy. I don't know, when they talk about fatherhood, I don't know, I can't tell you. I mean, I can tell you, like kind of, what I grew up and what it was, but I can't give you any fatherhood tips. And then masculinity and society, and within those topics, there's uh questions that we're just going to have a conversation about and then that'll be it. So, starting with identity and purpose, uh, what does it mean to be a man today, and how has that changed time? Who knows?
Speaker 3:no idea anymore. Facts, uh, I think that's such a just a, a loaded question. Yeah, I mean, there's so many different variables to it and there's a lot of variance to it. Um, and of course, everybody's on their own like path, and so you know what your definition of being a man could be, something completely different than than what my outlook is, and so forth. For me, um, you know, I don't have, you know I don't have, like wife, kids and all that stuff. I do have people I take care of, um, or that I do my best to, whether that's my, my mom, my nieces, my sisters and my nephew, and then you know, of course, the gym people, but I just think that that's showing up for them, in whatever capacity that is, and some days it's a lot and some days it's not much. Some days it's just a text message. Some days it's saying hey, I love you, thinking about you, how's your day going. I think just showing that your presence is there, I think is a lot to people.
Speaker 1:And let it not be like an empty presence, let it have some value to it.
Speaker 3:Let it have some worth to it. And I think, as long as you're consistent with that and there's consistency there, you know you feel that someone feels that and says hey, you know, like that's a good dude or that's a good man, it's going to show up for us and that's what it means to me. That's the purpose behind. Behind for me is just, you know, showing up, taking care of responsibilities in whatever capacity that is for you and for those in your circle, gotcha.
Speaker 2:So how can men find?
Speaker 3:purpose behind society's focus on status and wealth. I'm going to follow up to that. I think a lot of people may measure success and status and wealth based off of whether that's what they see on social media or whether they envy something that you know someone in their circle is doing that they're not doing. I think that that can either, you know, elevate what you're doing or it can put you down to something that you shouldn't be doing. And if you just focus on your path and what you, you should be doing, I think eventually you'll get there. Um, but again, it's just dependent on on who needs what from you or, in that capacity of what's close to you, what means, what's more meaningful to you. If you're constantly chasing, you know, oh, so-and-so, made x amount of money, so-and-so, you know, is opening up this business this, this month and doing all that, it's like, okay, cool, be a fan of theirs and congratulate them, but you still have your purpose and what you need to do for yourself and your well-being and not chasing someone else's success.
Speaker 2:So how did you find your purpose? So do you think? One two-part question do you think you are in your purpose? And if you are, how did you find that purpose?
Speaker 1:I think it took me a while to find my purpose?
Speaker 3:I didn't. I didn't know for the longest time and really I mean I talk to this all the time. You know, when you know. I found my purpose, I believe, when I was going through the, the worst breakup of my life, losing my job and all that stuff and I had to figure something out and that was, you know, through helping people through fitness and becoming a trainer. I didn't have any intentions of opening a gym, I didn't have any intentions of being a trainer. It was I was in a broke moment and that became pretty much my richest moment. In doing so.
Speaker 3:I think that, um, when I started figuring out and getting to know people and and understand, hey, this is where I want to be, I saw the pull I was able to get from people and what they were to do for me emotionally and physically. I took it and I ran with it. I ran with the opportunity. Now I feel like it's my duty and my purpose to fulfill that in whatever way possible, in whatever capacity is possible, and the best way fill that in whatever way possible, in whatever capacity is possible and the best way. I do my best not to shortchange that and that's, you know, not only in a gym setting, it's, you know, when I go home, when it's put into programming, when it's put in scheduling, when it's trying to, you know, put people in positions where they can best succeed at. You know, and all those different angles I really do. That is how I believe I found my purpose and where I kind of keep trying to push and, push and, push for, and I think it's a never-ending game that we're playing here.
Speaker 3:You know it's you know, I learn new things daily. Someone. There's a new interaction. Daily there's a. Just when you think you've you've uh heard all the questions and all that, there's someone that uh surprises you with a crazy question or something, or a new problem that you have to mitigate, fix and all that good stuff.
Speaker 2:So it's a never-ending game for me my kid brain wants to ask the question what kind of angles are you putting people in?
Speaker 3:That's an example of a stupid question right there. That's a pretty good question, man.
Speaker 2:What kind of angles. You know what I mean. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding Jerk, all right. So how does vulnerability fit into true masculinity? Or does it fit into true masculinity, what do you mean? So vulnerability is something that you have to be open, you have to show emotions, you have to, you know, show feelings. You have to maybe cry in front of somebody. So does it fit in true masculinity? Like, if you're looking at what a man really is, does a man have vulnerable traits? Or you know a good man have vulnerable traits, or is that something that weak men have?
Speaker 3:I think a good man should have vulnerable traits.
Speaker 3:I think if they do not, I think that's a sign of weakness.
Speaker 3:I think that's a mentality of hey, my shit doesn't stink mentality I'm a badass, you can still be a badass and still have your emotions and still be vulnerable and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:I think too, if you're not vulnerable especially if you have, uh, young women and young men in your family and things like that, I think you're, you're missing out there, because in some sense I don't believe you're you're getting that true connection with them. If you're constantly, you know, with the mentality I'm a man, I'm a man, men don't cry, men don't hug, you know this, and that I think you're missing out on a lot of emotional connection with them. And I think that's a very real thing. Whether you have a spouse, a kid, nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, I think that the more vulnerable you are to their emotions and not only yourself and to hone in on your own, I think it opens up that relationship more and people will really notice that there's there's some empathy there that they get to see and view and and then, and with that I think people can trust you more and things like that, because they know. Hey, at least he's tapped in with his emotion. But also you have to be able to handle your emotions, you know, in a mature way.
Speaker 2:Those go hand in hand in my opinion, yeah, facts, so kind of going into emotions. So we're going to emotions and mental health. It says why is emotional intelligence often left out of the conversation about manhood?
Speaker 3:It goes back to that. Everybody doesn't want to show that vulnerability. They just they don't want to show flaw. They don't want to show them like any uh, chinks in their armor and you know if, if you're going into battle, you're gonna have some chinks in that armor. You know if you're you're you're not this badass where you're gonna come out unscathed. I think everybody gets the, the nicks to cuts, the bruises, um, every day in life, and I think that that's what shapes you and and how you react is what shapes you in that. I just think that that's why they get left out a lot, cause you know you don't want to be vulnerable with what's going on in your life and things like that. Um, you want to keep things close to your chest. I'm very, I'm a very private person, but I also make sure my emotions are checked as much as possible and I'm not, you know, neglecting them. Got you, I was telling Pastor Cliff.
Speaker 2:Who's that? I was telling him yesterday. How you know, sometimes in relationships when I chose to be emotional and come from like an intellectual side of how I was feeling in a situation, it always got turned upside down and it became a. Instead of me telling this person my feelings and emotions, it became a you know what I wasn't doing for them, and that also is you know, uh, for them, and that also is you know. That turned me off. You know, especially when trying to communicate with with women, um, it turned me off because at that point it's like what's the point of you know, trying to tell you my feelings if my feelings aren't going to be heard and you know you're just going to flip them and make it about you know, you and what you're not doing.
Speaker 3:So I think that that's that's. Like you know, early on in some of my relationships I saw how my mom, my grandma were in these abusive relationships and I always wanted to be the opposite of that growing up. So when I had my first real girlfriend, I mean I was a sucker for everything All the flowers, the cards, I mean. I was doing all that stuff Until and until I got my feelings hurt, cheated on whatever. Then it happened again and stuff like that, and then it completely just flipped me and I didn't want to do any of that anymore. So I felt like such a waste of time and I was always the same, like you're saying, like open with emotion, and you just wanted someone to you know, understand where you're coming from and to be on, be on an even playing field and to be able to express those emotions back and forth is one of the I mean, probably the greatest thing you can do in relationships and we always talk about.
Speaker 3:You know communication is key. I think that's a lot of it. But what also goes hand in hand with that, in my opinion, is you know you can be a man. Try, state your emotions, things like that. A man, try, state your emotions, things like that, and it goes both ways. But you also have to, you know, adapt to those things like, okay, this is the problem. It's making me feel this type of way. How can I go about fixing this? And then if, if your partner sees you fixing it and sees you working at it and then still just kind of disregards you and neglects you, then then they're like through the issue there. I mean because if you're putting the work in while putting your emotions out there, I mean there's not much else you can really give out there. So it's either hey, we're gonna do this or we're not.
Speaker 2:And if you're not, then get out yeah, no, I, if you know, I say you know, women are not the only one that does it, guys, you know, guys do it as well when it comes to, you know, friendship. Hey, I'm letting you in on something and it becomes about something totally different. Uh, so how can a man break free from the pressures to hide their emotions?
Speaker 3:oh man, I think that takes a ton of work. That takes a lot of work. Uh, you know, I think that a lot of self-talk. Uh, if once you get comfortable stating things I've never been a big writing down my emotions person, like journaling stuff A lot of times if I feel a type of way, or a lot of people let's give you an example A lot of people run to Facebook and they'll just post whatever. They'll just type out a paragraph, push posts and I'm like what are you doing? You don't think before you push post or update or whatever it is. But a lot of times if I feel like now, a lot of times I'll type it out, I'll read it several times and then just erase it and then you know, then I'll speak it out loud to myself. Hold on, peoples, I'm the peoples.
Speaker 2:I'll definitely put some shit on facebook and then post it out if I didn't own a business man it'd be a different animal.
Speaker 3:I joke a lot on there but you know there's some serious stuff I'll put on there. But for sure, a lot of times I I hold back a lot, um, and I'm also more of it I'll tell you to your face. But um, a lot of with self-talk. It helps a lot, like if I type something out, I read it out loud to myself or just in a room when I'm by myself, just to get it out of my system. But it also makes me feel comfortable, you know, going on and you know, let's say, I'm with you, I can have that conversation with you because I'm, I feel, more well-versed in it. I feel more comfortable in my own skin talking about it. And then I decide, okay, I can share this with somebody Like I can.
Speaker 3:I've gone over this in my head. I've kind of gone over every, every angle with it. I can. I know, like the reaction to make make it from someone, so I know how to receive like their questions better and how to mitigate that more. I think that that has helped me a lot instead of just being like the old gunslinger just flying off the hip. It's helped me a lot instead of just being like the old gunslinger just flying off the hip and then I think then your emotions are really all over the place in that sense. So, yeah, a lot of self-talk that's helped me out, just to be more comfortable with it, to bring that to somebody else's attention, whether that's a male or a female, got you.
Speaker 2:It says what are the biggest mental health struggles men face. But I would reframe the question and say what are the biggest mental health struggles men face? But I would reframe the question and say what are the biggest mental health?
Speaker 3:struggles you face if you face any, and why are they often overlooked? For me, a lot of it is hey, is what I'm doing? Am I going the right way with something? Am I leading this the right way? And a lot of it I know. You know I'm around people all day long and with the gym, you know, my main goal is to to keep that thing moving on on, you know, the upward path and a lot.
Speaker 3:There's a lot of times where I step away from a day of work and I sit there and question everything I overlook. You know, for example, I'll think about every class I coached and I'll think about every person that was in there and if I did this better, if I could have did this better, um, and I do that a lot, and that is, that is a lot of pressure, it's a lot of um, it's a lot of just my mind's constantly going and going and going. So there's a lot of times it's also a reason why I spend a lot of time alone. Uh, just because I need to decompress and I think a lot of times I just get overstimulated with a lot of people. I'm like, hey, I need to get away from this space. You know, go for a drive, go out of town, go, you know, whatever it is, even just sitting at dinner alone, um, but I try my best to to understand it every day more. Um, it's that that's just a constant thing for me if I can fix it the next day.
Speaker 3:Or, you know, if there's something, let's say if you're in the class and I thought, man, I should have had aaron do blah, blah, blah, so he could have did this better the next time I see you, it's hey, man, yesterday I I may have messed up.
Speaker 3:I think next time you should do this. Or, uh, you know example, today you're there, uh, with with doing double unders, and we had a conversation about scaling the double unders and I gave you a number to use and I thought, okay, maybe that was a bit still a bit too much for him. Next time we do double unders, I'll remember this if it's that many double unders, and I'll kind of go okay, remember, last time we did this and that, and then I'll give you a different number and I think that overall makes you, can make your experience better in the sense too. Not only is it going to make you feel better because you're like, okay, I'm getting somewhere with this, but then also, in the same sense, it will make me feel better for fixing my mess up. You know from something that happened a week ago.
Speaker 2:Well, let's have that conversation. It was 60 double-unders, and I'm barely learning how to do double-unders, and so I'm able to do like 10 to 15 at a time, but, good lord, I can't breathe afterwards. So it went from 60 to 40.
Speaker 2:This got worse from there and that first round it felt good and after that I died. But it's just. I think there's beauty in the process and you said something about sometimes you get overstimulated and so you need, you know, to take that break for yourself and can you speak more on about going to movies or going to dinner or just taking that drive and just being by yourself. I think that's a major issue that we have when it comes to manhood and learning how to decompress. We sometimes try to force ourselves to be around people when you know the best part would be just to walk away and just focus on on you and kind of have that that, you know, alone time.
Speaker 3:I get asked that a lot and what's crazy is I've done this for years. I don't even know. I think it happened after my second break from college, when I you know it was just a bad deal. I got cheated on and I was I got cheated on.
Speaker 3:She would always give me crap about if I wanted to go out of town with my friends, so I would never go, but she could go wherever she wanted. One of them was my friends would always invite me to Vegas and I'd always be like nope, nope, nope. But she would always get to go with her friends or family. And I wonder why Hell, we know why. But we finally split. That was the first place I went and now I mean, everybody knows I love to go to Vegas and I'll go there alone, like I enjoy being there and my mom always has that one. There's not anywhere else you want to go or there's so many places out there I'm like, yeah, there is, and I'll do that later, but that's one place where I can go and I feel just kind of like at home. I can go eat by myself, I can go gamble by myself, I can go watch a show and I do the same stuff here. But I always get asked a lot, especially from guys. It happens with guys a lot at the gym.
Speaker 1:They're like well, who'd you go with? I'm like nobody.
Speaker 3:For real I'm like, yeah, I don't need someone there to make chasing, to sit beside someone, whether that's a female or male, yeah, just to provide me comfort and how I feel I think I'm on the wrong path. Yeah, like that. No, no amount of alcohol, no amount of food. No, no conversation is gonna, you know, fix me in my sense, like I need to fix myself and what I have going on, because I'm feeling a certain type of way for a reason. Yeah, and that person you know example, with like stuff with the gym, when I go home with that stuff from the gym, that person beside me to me is not going to understand my day-to-day at the gym. They're not going to understand what's like triggering me and how I react to things on the fly and how quick I have to make these decisions at the gym and stuff like that to give someone a better experience. You know, I have to think about that on my own and that's for me, that's what's going through my mind.
Speaker 3:I get asked a lot how do you do that? I just go. I just say, hey, I'm going to go, I'm going to show up, I'm going to sit down and eat, I'm going to go to a movie. It brings me so much peace to be able to do that. I may be beside a stranger and just engage in the conversation with the stranger. I don't have to worry about what they're going through. They don't have to worry about what I'm going through. It's a hey, how you doing, where are you from, I'm from, so-and-so, whatever would stay to you from. What are you here for? And that's it. And then I, you know, back to my piece. But man, the, you can't put a dollar on it Like it's. It provides me so much peace to be able to do stuff like that and I think a lot of people should really try it.
Speaker 3:I even think in relationships like that's something that um helps out a lot as well. You know, have your time together and there's there's nothing wrong with breaking your line. But hey, babe, I'm going to go to the movies Tonight. I don't want to be alone, like, I don't want to be with the kids and things like that. I'm just going to go and then, in the same sense, you know, give your wife or your husband that as well, so they can go and they can do it on their own and then come back together and have those family times. There's nothing wrong with that, but really truly like soak that alone time in, be alone, put medium scroll, like just be in that moment for you and I think that helps. It can help a lot of people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's funny Cause, uh, when I was getting divorced, uh, I went to and I don't mind going to the movies and eating and and things of that nature but I went to El Paso just on a on a whim, hanging out at a bar eating. Some people from a soccer team came in. They would, you know, rowdy and rowdy and loud, and sparked up a conversation. They said you should go and I was like, okay, cool. So I bought a ticket never been to a soccer game before in my life, bought a ticket, went to the soccer game.
Speaker 2:And it was those things that people miss out on the one-on-one, the human interaction, the speaking with yourself. And I will say this it's if you cannot eat by yourself or go to the movies by yourself, then there's a lot of work that you need to do on the inside to be able to be okay with being by yourself. Because being by yourself, there's a lot of conversations you have in your head. Some are good, some are bad, and a lot of times people run from those conversations or those thoughts because they don't want to be by themselves. And I think it's super important, if you're trying to be better and do better as a man, to learn how to be OK with being alone. Yeah, I think it's super important. So, relationship and brotherhood this is this question, man. It's a question that I struggle with the most. I struggle with the most, and I know other men do as well. But the question is what does a healthy male friendship look like?
Speaker 3:And why do many men struggle to form deep connections? Well, that's kind of a loaded question too. Yeah, it's all depending on your circle, I mean. I think that, like I like to think that you know my circle, my tight circle, like I'm not hanging around a bunch of losers, I'm not hanging around people that are partying every day and, just, you know, destroying their lives. I mean, my circle people all have, you know, good jobs. They're all doing it for themselves. They, yeah, they have their fun and things like that. When we're together we have a good time and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:But then too, within that group, we also have people that are going to push each other whether that's in the physical sense and whether that's mentally, and push and have hard conversations and really deep dive into those and not let off that gas. You may have those tough conversations where you're going to have fights. You're like, man, I really can't stand you today. Um, you're really, you know, pissing me off today. But I think that if you, you should have that in your circles and without you know, taking it personal, things like that. And I think you know, far from not people do take it personal and they start thinking, well, why don't so do this and why didn't I get invited to this? And that it's like you know. So what? Like you, if you have your friendships, so you know, intact, at the end of the day, like that's not, that's not worth losing over a tough conversation. And I think too many people walk away from that. They or they don't want to have the tough conversation. They, they want to say what they want to say and then when you clap back at them, they scream you know the victim thing and oh, you're mean, and this, and that it's like no, I'm trying to make you better, I'm trying to make you a better person. And, and you know, get you there where we're at.
Speaker 3:You know, I know a few people that that their circle's constantly changing, never seen around. The same person you know you're on in. I'm comfortable to say that everybody that's you know that I'm very tight with that has at least been around me at least five, six, seven years. I years, I mean even more than that and there's a reason for that and that's because also, not only because we all mesh well, but there's a reason I stay in the circle, there's a reason they're still around, because I want to be there with them. You know, I want that circle to be intact as much as I can, and we may not talk every day. We may not see each other every day. I can and we may not talk every day, we may not see each other every day. But I know at the end of the day it's like, hey, I got them and they got me.
Speaker 2:And what about the deep connections? Do you think it's hard for?
Speaker 3:guys to cultivate like a deep connection. I think if your friends let so much stuff slide, I think that's when it becomes harder, got you? If you're not pushing those conversations with people or just like bringing up random conversation or challenging them and stuff, then I think those connections become harder. If you just have a friend that's just so hard-headed and keeps making the same mistake, you may need to move on from that friend. You may not need to be as close as you thought you were. Love them from afar. Love them from afar. There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 3:You can love them from afar because, at the end of the day, you're saving yourself. You gave them enough grace. Cool, they don't want to take any advice, they don't want to be a better person, then you need to grow from that. To me, you can't always be at this constant. If you're at this constant pace the whole way and you're never, you know, elevating, then you're gonna bring eventually somebody down that's around you because you allow too much leeway and things like that. And if they don't want to be challenged, then what's the point? Like, what are we? What are we doing here?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's kind of like, um, what you're saying is, you're, you know, equated to cups, you know, you, you, you're your own cup and you're, you're filling your cup up with the things that you love to do, and, as a friend, that, um, it was just struggling and you're, you're trying to help fill his cup up and at some point his cup was overflowing and he's just taking, taking, taking, or or dare taking, taking, taking, and it's, it becomes like a like at at some point. You don't want to get better, you just, you just want, you know the, the emotional connection, uh, with what I can give you, but I, I, you, don't want to accept or try to get better as a person. Um, how can men balance strength and leadership with equality in relationships?
Speaker 3:I think everyone has to know their place. Gotcha, 100%, everyone has to know their place. Perfect example yesterday we had a partner workout. It was supposed to be teams of four. I had to do a lot of teams of five just because number-wise it wouldn't have made sense. A lot of the morning classes I told some people it was kind of a shit show because nobody took leadership, no, there's no communication, it was just on the fly numbers and things like that. And I was like what is it? You know, a lot of times I step back and I just kind of watch it happen and I think it's crazy, um, just seeing it unfold, and I always looked all right, who's going to step up? Who's going to say, hey, this is how we're doing this, this is the flow, and things like that. I saw that all day and I and I had a you know, I didn't know who I was gonna do the workout with.
Speaker 3:Well, 4, 30 came. We put together a team and I was like I'm making up a plan, who's on your team? Um, there was me, z esmeralda, fernie and um, and uh, liz Got you and I showed up early to warm up and I was like that's not happening to my team and I know that a lot of times people are going to look to me to lead. Completely fine with that, comfortable with that. So I made a plan On the whiteboard. I made a plan hey, this is how we're doing our burpees, this is how we're doing our front squats. We're staying with this plan. We did that for two rounds and it was flowing I mean, it was so good.
Speaker 3:And I noticed that people started falling off. I was on the bike and I turned to Z and I told her what do you think? I'm thinking about? Changing the numbers so everybody stays consistent because everybody's falling off. I said, yeah, I'm going to do that. I hurried up, finished the bike, went to that whiteboard where I had the plan written down, erased it, changed those numbers real quick. As soon as everybody came back inside, I said these are the numbers we're doing. Man, everybody hit it clockwork.
Speaker 3:So, in that sense, if you know your place, you know where you're supposed to be, whether you have me trying to be the strongest person on the team trying to lead and you had people that were not that good, where they were falling apart on the front squats. They knew their place, they knew, hey, I'm the weak one, I need to do those smaller numbers. I cannot do these higher numbers or I'm just going to get murdered and I'm no good to you in a sense like that. I think the same thing goes with friendships you have to know your place. Everybody can't lead. You have too many people, too many chiefs. I mean, what's going to happen? Yeah, you're just going to fight, fight, fight before you can come up with a plan. You know, you, you may have two leaders, two strong leaders that you know, kind of like the manager, assistant manager, someone's going to back somebody up, but if they feed off one another, everybody else, I believe, sees that and goes okay, okay, they got that. Where do we fall on this? What do we need to do? I also think that that's a good like using the Chief and Indians. And now analogy let's say you have two chiefs and you have, you know, four other Indians and they kind of go, you know that's also being a good per se, you know being a good Indian. But I said, okay, what do we need to do? You, you tell us what we need to do, what are we good at Then? Then send me my way and I got.
Speaker 3:I think in friendships it's the same thing. I mean, if you know like, hey, you know, if you're building up a house and your friend's good at tile but you don't know jack shit about tile, let that friend do their thing, you know, let them make that their responsibility. Lay that foundation and you put up the walls, or this person paints Like I think that all those things you have to know your place. When was y'all's time Faster than everybody else's? What was y'all's time Faster than everybody else's? 3708. Oh, you beat us 3708. We cooked everybody.
Speaker 2:I think ours was at what was Clint's? I think it was 38-something.
Speaker 3:No, they finished like 3950-something. They had like no, no, no. Clint's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, they barely finished. Yeah, I do, I was with Clint sucker.
Speaker 3:Oh finish, I do. I was with Clint Sucker.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I died right when the bell was about to ring, are you sure? No, I think we have about 15 seconds 39-51.
Speaker 3:Okay, we have about 9 seconds.
Speaker 2:It's funny because while you say that, hey, hold on Look.
Speaker 3:While I'm on the water pipe. This is perfect. We're talking about it. I think there's only two teams. No, we put Candy on y'all's team, yeah. And I asked Clint who he wanted on the team between Candy and Angie. He said you know what? Give us Candy. And I thought and I was going to pick Candy because I was like I want her to be pushed. Yeah, she has the potential. I want her to be pushed 100%. So she went.
Speaker 3:I knew at first and I kept watching, I kept looking at Candy. She was trying to find her place. Yeah, because you have all these dudes, big, strong guys, trying to move, and Candy's just there, like you know, 4'11". Yeah, just not knowing what to do. 4'11", badass. And finally that's when I said Candy, get over here. And I put her by the box. By the box and I think she went after you or Joel, and you know, seeing all that, I was like okay, she's fine, she found the rhythm.
Speaker 3:And I remember on the last set, um, she said do 10 on the front squats and Clint said 15. I told him, I said do 15. Yeah, yeah, and he told Kenny 15. And she kind of looked at it, but she straight up did it, head on to the bar. She said I'm doing 15. I thought that was cool because she listened, she understood, she understood her place and she did it. But I go on Waterfine, clint says on there, great, and then she puts thanks, captain clint. Yeah, like stuff like that. Like she looked at him to go okay, what are we doing? That's that type of thing, like stuff like that, as long as everyone understand the purpose.
Speaker 2:so that was perfect and I definitely screamed at a few people, um, especially on the front squats whenever, because you do have a game plan sometimes where it's like, hey, we're doing 10 out of time. But then you see, well, cl Clint just did 15, so fuck that, I'm going to do 15 because Clint's not going to outdo me. And then so I'm doing 10, and everyone's like looking, I'm like somebody, pick up the damn bar so I can go, because let's get it and go. So there's like an ebb and flow of you know, there are times when someone's not paying attention and you have to be the guide, and there's sometimes where you're not the guy, you're just following along.
Speaker 2:And there's a strength in that because you're putting your ego aside and you're saying I'm doing this for the team, I'm not doing it for myself, myself, which makes it a lot easier. But it's also hard because you know, if you are a guy and you do have an ego, sometimes you you let your ego get you in trouble. Uh, when, when you should be thinking about the holistic of what you're trying to do, and it's about you, and then you get your feelings hurt and then, uh, becomes a whole freaking deal. Um, still on relationships and brotherhood why is mentoring important in shaping the next generation of men.
Speaker 3:Oh man, I think that that way you're not just rolling a ball down a dark hallway, um, as a kid or whatever it may be, and I and I think that you can still have mentorship as an adult. I think, that's where a lot of people fall off.
Speaker 3:They think once they reach adulthood or they know everything or they think, when they get their first paycheck or open their first business, that, you know, mentorship just stops or you won. But that's not the case. I mean, you still may venture on something new and you need that mentorship. You need someone to, you know, be right there beside you to just to help guide you, um, and give you a level of comfortability that you may have not had. Um, I know, I mean, you know, growing up I was always.
Speaker 3:There was a lot of things. You know, when I started doing the gym, when I started doing, when I had the bar, when I started doing this media stuff, you know all those things you know I had to teach myself. There's a lot of self self-taught things there, but because I had a mindset like, hey, no one's going to do this for you, no one's like going to come save you. Um, it is easier, though If you have a mentor hey, what do you think I should do?
Speaker 3:Or do you know somebody that could do this and whatever and they can help guide you that way to where it just creates an ease in your life, to where you don't have to sit there and make things harder on yourself. You know, do you have that someone you can lean on like, hey, when times are getting hard, hey, what do you think about this? Or could you help me out with this and that? And I think, when you have a mentor, a strong mentor, one that's, you know, has had some stake in the game, I believe it may, it can just take. Take a bit off his shoulders.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. All right. Going on to fatherhood and legacy, so I answered this question, so I'm going to ask it as well You're not a? You're not a father, you're not a father but you can.
Speaker 3:Oh God, we're not a father.
Speaker 2:That's what I said. That to it was yeah, but the question is, what makes a great father, and how can men heal from their own path to be a better parent? So my question for you would be like on your path to, I'm assuming you're going to be a daddy at at some point, daddy justin, there's not a no, no, no I'm not playing on that.
Speaker 3:Well, step daddy, okay.
Speaker 2:Step daddy justin is that definitely gonna be a step daddy, justin all right, just not gonna have any baby of his own, um, but how would you, how would you come into a relationship with someone who has kids? What type of attitude or attributes would you bring to that relationship?
Speaker 3:I think everything that we've talked about so far you have to define your identity, you have to have some purpose, your emotions in check, your mental health um have a relationship. I think all those things um culminate to to being a great dad, or to showing up for somebody else's kid or whatever it may and whatever capacity that that is for for you and your situation.
Speaker 3:Um, I think that you have to have all those in check to to become that. I think that you have to have all those in check to become that, especially if it was something that I was looking for in a father figure. I wanted someone that was going to show up for me and that never happened for me. That doesn't mean, hey, I'm going to do that to somebody else, correct? Because I was constantly chasing like, hey, is my dad going to come pick me up today, or is he going to do this for me today like he does for others and things like that. You know, and I knew the disappointment that I felt when he never did show up, you know, when he was never around. So why would I want to put that on somebody else? You know, common sense tells me I don't want to do that to somebody else. Yeah, I knew what it was, you know, doing to me. You know it was a lot of hurt feelings and things like that.
Speaker 3:Once I was able to get over that and move on from that, I'm like, okay, this, this man, is not going to define who I am for the rest of my life. If anything it's going to, it's in a sense, it'll define me to be a better person. It's not going to sit there and I'm not going to let it um change who I am in the sense of hey, being a good person, showing up for other people, showing up for my friends or showing up for a kid or something like that. That's not going to define me. Going forward, in hindsight, I use those faults and things like that, the troubles that I went through to be a better person, to show up for people more in that fatherhood type of state. I think that that's what can make you a better father. It's not just hey, I paid the bills this month. Yeah, baby, take care of everything else. I'm the man, I'm the man. It's like no, that's that to me is just uh, that that is probably a narcissist and and that is not masculine.
Speaker 2:I think that's the old way of thinking. Yeah, that's yeah, it was the old way because women couldn't have jobs or couldn't, you know, go out and provide for the family in that aspect, but they can now. So just thinking that all you have to do is throw some checks and have a gun and be willing to die for your family is, you know, that's definitely a part of it, but that's not all of what it needs to be. Why should men, how should men redefine what it means to leave a lasting legacy?
Speaker 3:It's all specific to your situation. To me, that whole narrative changed. You know, when I went through it, when I went through it, I did it with my father. Um, you know, not showing up, not wanting to be involved. You know, I didn't want to do it to somebody else, I don't want to do it to my friends, I don't do it to my family. Um, you know, that's just not for me, like, that's not something that for me to redefine, that is to show up, for people to be there, um, to show, you know that there's somebody there that does care, that somebody there wants to show you their support, whether that's, you know, emotionally, physically, financially.
Speaker 3:You know, in some capacity, um, as long as you're, you're leaving an impact. I mean think you're leaving a legacy as well, because that may plant that seed into them to want to do that, like, hey, you don't have to have this hunky dory. You know White House picket fence, you know relationship and all these things, not to leave a good legacy. Still, you know your story can still be written in a good light.
Speaker 2:Going off of that. It's like a not a question, but a question um. How can man balance strength with kindness? I think there's a um. There's difficulties when it comes to I want to be strong, um, but being kind is also something that I need to do as well, because if you're just strong, no one's really going to want to talk to you, and if you're just kind, people are going to run over you. So how do you balance strength with kindness?
Speaker 3:I think I may do that kind of well when people get to know me. I know a lot of times when people see me they think that I'm going to be mean and things like that, and it takes a lot of you know. Also, in the same sense, I don't trust a lot and things like that. But I'm a pretty open book and I'm open to having conversation and good conversation and pushing that forward.
Speaker 2:People have did not come to the gym for like six months because they thought you were like mean. And now she's like yeah, people walking up to you having a conversation, so it's a, it's a wild.
Speaker 3:It's a wild deal, but I think, you know, and it's a it in a sense it's kind of man like maybe a lot of people are missing out on like a good friendship or things like that, because that. But I don't know.
Speaker 3:With the assumption that somebody is going to walk around with a big old goofy smile every hour of the day, but, I think, only when you're losing to me Whatever, that's never happened. I think, though, you can have a fair shake of both. I think, just like you, pick your time and place for it. I think you really do. I, I, what?
Speaker 3:Once let's say, if you're going through something and and I really didn't know you and you always saw me as this like this guy, that, like, oh, he looks too mean, or this and that, but once I, if I pick up on that from you, like you're down and out, whatever it may be, and go up to you, that changes so fast because you're like, oh man, he really cares and we can have that conversation. But in the same sense, you have to be open to that as well. Yeah, you can't always just be like judgy about it. Um, you have to give someone opportunity and a chance to show you otherwise, and if not, that you may be missing out on on something you never even knew. You know this whole time. But it is a I think it's such a balancing act and you have to give and take. Give and take a little bit, in my opinion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, you are correct. There have been times in my life where I was like, damn I've been, that was too much, or damn I was too kind. And the beautiful thing about life is you get to have those conversations with yourself and then like fix it, yeah, don't let it happen again. Uh, so this one, hmm, let's, let's see. I'm curious how have feminism and gender equality reshape what's expected of men? What was your answer? Mine was you have to be adaptable. Uh, because, uh, it's, it's different now and women are boss babes and they're going to. You know, they want to. You know they want to lead and they want to take over things and there's nothing, uh, wrong with that a lot of them are boss babies.
Speaker 3:took it a flat tire or something To run out of gas on the side of the road.
Speaker 2:I don't know what you're talking about, man.
Speaker 3:They got to pick up something that weighs over 100 pounds.
Speaker 2:Pick it up, pick it up, man. On this tangent, I have seen there's been like a question posed on social media and a guy was like are you willing to go 50-50 with me? And these chicks were popping their balloons and he was like okay, so let me break it down to you. I am a teacher. I make $70,000 a year. You have your job. You make X amount,000 a year. You have your job. You make X amount of money a year. Are you willing to bring our salaries together, or are you willing to keep your money and be able to, you know, live with me on my $70,000 a year? And she popped a balloon and in my head I'm like Meaning?
Speaker 3:what was that? What did that mean? Like she don't want to be with him.
Speaker 2:And in my head it doesn't make sense, because two people together making $70,000, that's $140,000 together. You can do some things with that. But she wanted a guy, and in my head I won't go there. But she wanted a guy that and in my head I won't go there. But she wanted a guy that's going to be able to provide for her on all levels while she got to work and make her money. And that doesn't sound like a boss bait. That doesn't sound like someone that's willing to work as a team with somebody. That just sounds like someone who wants to have her cake and eat it too, wants a dude to pay and take care of her, but also wants to have her own money and do whatever she wants to do, which is crazy to me, because there's no laying hell.
Speaker 3:I think there's a lot. I think that, well, this is my opinion on it. I think a lot of guys that it's such a mixed bag too.
Speaker 3:A lot of guys that do not have their wives work anymore. Or if they had a job and they don't have them work anymore and they take that as a notch in their belt, like, oh, my wife doesn't work, so I make so much money, blah, blah, blah. But they don't ever give them a choice. It's like, hey, have some kids, you're going to be stuck at home for the rest of your life. That may seem like the good move, and then, you know, 10, 15 years later, something happens.
Speaker 3:That relationship what does the wife have? She has, she has nothing. She doesn't have a job, she's too scared to go find a job, she's has no education to fall back on, um, and then she just stays in that shitty situation and she's stuck. Yeah, she's stuck, she's, she's, you know, has multiple kids and she has nowhere else to go other than, hey, I'm, this is my life, I'm just gonna stay here and that's how my kids are gonna be raised, and then they're gonna tease their kids out, and this is a never-ending cycle and this is my life and I'm supposedly happy. And instead of just saying hey, I'll give you a choice, like you don't have to work if you don't want to, but if you want to take a part-time job. You can make a part-time job.
Speaker 3:Even if let's say the guy was making $75,000 a year and the girl went and worked a little seasonal job or whatever it may be a summer job, and she was making $30,000 a year. That's $30,000. You didn't have Correct. You're now making over your $100,000.
Speaker 3:Family and things like that. You know things are a little bit easier on both ends, easier on the family. You also. You know, get time away from the family a bit, you can go do your own thing at work and and so forth, and then you create value. You create value not only to show that you know you have some. You know you can be independent and you can actually do for yourself. And in case something hits the fan, like you, you're good. Like you have your own little stash of cash or whatever, and your kids understand okay, mom works hard, dad also works hard. Like, okay, we're good. That type of thing. I think so many people lose that and and without that. Like it puts these expectations on one or the other. If you're the stay-at-home mom or if you're the father that's trying to provide. Either way, when you're just sitting there staring at each other, you're like, hey, I expect this of you. I want all the bills paid. Hey, I expect this of you.
Speaker 1:You need to clean everything Clean and cook and all that.
Speaker 3:And that's all it turns into the next thing you know, and not just the woman.
Speaker 2:And they're both banging somebody else at the end of the day. Yeah, it's crazy that you're saying that, because it's like damn, if y'all would have just had the conversation and seen, like. So one of the things that I talked about that pisses me off the most is people saying, well, that's what you're supposed to do in a relationship the dumbest shit in the world. People saying, well, that's what you're supposed to do in a relationship the dumbest shit in the world. Because, yeah, I get it, that's what I'm supposed to do. But there should be a level of appreciation because I am doing it. I don't again, it's small, I don't have to do it, but I know it's a choice, I know it makes you happy, so I'm going to do it.
Speaker 2:And you have two people looking at each other and they're doing great things separate and they're looking at each other in a separate light. I'm providing, I'm paying all the bills, that's what I'm doing. Well, I'm taking care of your kids that you don't really want to be around. I'm cooking and cleaning and making sure the house is. Is, you know, taken care of? That's also work. Is, you know, taken care of? That's also work. And so they'll look at each other separate when, if they can just see, man, if you put it together, we're doing a pretty damn good job. And I just see a lot of those things where guys are like, well, I'm taking care of everything.
Speaker 3:It could be the real definition of you know, like they say, you know, a power couple? Yeah for sure. Instead it's just we're living separate lives and separate things and we're just, we're just roommates at that point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, with a couple kids running around bump that dude, I don't want that at all. All right, um, uh, last question how can men lead and make a positive impact in their communities today?
Speaker 3:all All about action. Boss Gotcha, I think, like you're a great, you and Yarn are good advocates of that, of stuff to do around here. You know I'm always tied up with the gym and things like that. But you know, just if you can just be involved in any sense and be like you know, like we said earlier about the mentor, just kind of giving someone a light to lead to to just be a better human, yeah, um, I think that that speaks volume in its own right. Just like you know, with the gym we always do the hey, wipe your feet at the door. You know, we do, I, you know I do that with reason. It's to keep a clean floor, to keep the gym clean. I know every time someone's new, that's just, that's one of the rules I go over with them and I know it's always just kind of like a huh, like just what do we mean? We need to wipe the feet at the door, and that simple thing, I think, can speak volumes. Just going forward, I couldn't tell you how many times over the years people always tell me when they go visit other gyms and out of town or in town, and they're always looking for a mat to wipe their feet at the at the door I'm not, I'm like hell yeah, or if you
Speaker 3:walk into a place and you see, you know, you may see and I know this happens all because I go to the marriott a lot and they have they always have a older lady sweeping them off in the floors, but they have that mat at the front and when you walk in, there's also a mat. But I always see that and the first thing I look for is to wipe my feet. Yeah, you know, it's just a respect thing. I think that little things like that, people are always watching, yeah, what you do and and how you move about, like in your space, and if you're doing it with, with respect, if you're doing it, you know and respect, I think that speaks volumes.
Speaker 3:It's going to affect somebody, somebody's going to see it, it's going to plant a seed and go okay, I'm going to do this because I saw this being done this way and it looks right, so I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that and I'm just going to be a better human and it'll make you feel good. It costs you nothing. It really costs you nothing but a little bit of time and that's it.
Speaker 2:you move on with that with your day all right, come in and let your ego take over, and it's like I'm not wiping shit, I'm gonna do what I want.
Speaker 3:And that's also dumb and annoying as well, and then just start yelling at each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah because that's what's gonna happen. So, uh, any anything else you want to say, anything else you have to say to the people.
Speaker 3:I think I've left it all out there. Yeah, you've left it all out there. My work here is done.
Speaker 2:So if anyone had told you today they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You're awesome. You're amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not quit, Do not give up.
Speaker 1:The world does not get easier, but you will get stronger, especially if you go and sign up at CrossFit 432. Bye, thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode and for daily motivational and up-to-date content. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember keep moving forward, never give up and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.
