Awareness Without Action Keeps You Stuck

If you’ve ever said “I know I need to change” and then watched yourself do the exact same thing again, this one is for you. We get honest about the difference between awareness and real growth and why so many men stay stuck in the space between knowing and doing. The truth is simple and sharp: most of us don’t have a knowledge problem, we have an action problem, and comfort loves to disguise itself as progress. 

I share my own history as a serial cheater and the pattern underneath it, including how porn can desensitize you and warp expectations until you start measuring your partner against something that isn’t real life. From there, we talk about what it takes to break a cycle that feels automatic: removing triggers, setting boundaries, choosing safer environments, and learning to use your voice even when vulnerability feels awkward. We dig into the moment that changes everything, the pause before the reaction, and how that pause gives you enough room to choose a different response. 

We also unpack the building blocks of lasting behavior change: repetition over intention, discipline over motivation, and accountability over solo willpower. When you bring in support through a therapist, counselor, pastor, or trusted men who will tell you the truth, you stop negotiating with your old habits and start becoming someone new. If you want a different life, you have to become a different man through daily, consistent, uncomfortable action. 

Subscribe for more real conversations about men’s growth, relationships, discipline, and healing, and if this helped you, share it with a friend and leave a review. What’s one pattern you’re ready to interrupt today?

Transcript

What Excellence Above Talent Stands For

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.

Awareness Is Not Change

Cheating Patterns And Porn Reality Gap

Boundaries And Vulnerable Communication

Interrupting Automatic Reactions

Practice Replaces Old Habits

Discipline And The Action Gap

Accountability And Getting Support

Encouragement And How To Follow

SPEAKER_01 0:34

What's up, my beautiful Paron Thomas with Excellence Above Talent. We're back, we're back, we're back. Episode 18 in our 24-week series. We're on the back end of this. Uh, but I think there's been a lot of good information uh that has come from uh the series and breaking down what abuse is and finding ways we can be better men. Uh on this episode, we're talking about doing the work and how to actually change your behavior. Most people don't have a knowledge problem. They have an action problem. They know what they're doing, they've heard it, they've even admitted to it, but nothing changes. And that happens because awareness without action is just comfort. Today we're talking about doing the work, what it actually takes to take charge of your behavior. So let's start with some truth. Knowing better doesn't mean doing better. And there's a lot of men out there who stay stuck because they confuse awareness with change. And awareness is not change, because you can recognize your patterns, admit your mistakes, apologize, and even feel bad about what you're doing, and still continue to do the same thing over and over again. And that is not growth, that's awareness without discipline. And that's where I've been majority of my life. Knowing that I probably shouldn't do it, or knowing that this is a pattern that happens. And instead of changing the pattern, I just let it happen. So I have been a serial cheater. I have never been faithful to any woman in my life, except for in my current marriage. And there was a pattern with a lot of the issues that I was having in my relationships with my exes or women before my wife. And the pattern was in the beginning, it's fun and it's open and it's easy, and you know, you're exploring and you're you're figuring things out with each other. But my issue was I was with them while still watching porn. And with porn, it desensitizes you, and you want the women in your life to do what the women in the pornography videos are doing. And it's just not real life. It's not what really happens, but you get desensitized, or I got desensitized, and so I would find ways to look at this person and say what she's not doing and what I need, and then tell myself I need to go find it somewhere else. And that has been my pattern for most of my relationships with the opposite sex. And so I had to, instead of being aware of the pattern, I had to change the pattern because I know that no one deserves to be cheated on. No matter how broken I am, no matter how much I can't get my life together, uh, no one deserves to go through that feeling. Have I been cheated on? Yes, I have. It sucks. It's not fun. And so now not only am I aware of these patterns, I'm putting things in place to change these patterns. I'm being more vulnerable and open when I feel a certain type of way. I don't hold it in. We have the conversation. If it's not right then and there, it's the next day. Is it awkward? Yes. Do I feel less than a man because I am using my voice and I'm talking and I'm talking about my feelings? Sometimes. Sometimes I just want to I want her to magically read my mind so I don't have to have the conversation. But that's not real life. Stop watching, I stop watching porn. I stop putting myself in potential places that could get me in trouble. For the most part, if I if I go out on the town, uh my wife is usually by my side. I don't go out as much. I hang out at the house. And if I like something that I need to do in order to not cheat, it's something that I something that I choose to do because I know there's nothing else out there. I've lived it, I've done it. It's not it's not fun anymore. I don't have FOMO. I don't care if I missed out. Matter of fact, most of the times I want to miss out. I don't want to be in drama. I don't want to be in mess. I don't want to create friction. I don't want to hurt. And so I'm choosing to do things to protect myself so that I can protect her. Because our goal is to be better men. And we can't be better men if we are aware of our patterns and do not change. And the reason why talking about change, people don't change, is because it's uncomfortable. It requires effort. It challenges who they think they are as a person, as a man. And it takes consistency, it takes accountability, it takes being honest with yourself. It takes being responsible for your for your uh reactions and actions. Most people want to change, but they want to change without changing their habits. And for most of my life, I never changed my habits. I always did it one way, hoping to change while not changing anything. But if you really want to change your life, it requires interruption. If you want to change your behavior, you have to interrupt the pattern that once you're aware of and you see, you have to find ways to interrupt this pattern that only leads to destruction. Because most behavior is automatic. A lot of times you don't see the pattern until someone calls it out. Then you become aware of it, you pay more attention to it, you see the pattern, but it's just now it's just automatic. This is just what I do. I get mad, we fight, I go find somebody else, which is quite easy to do, especially if you're looking for it. So you have to interrupt the pattern because you don't think about it. It's just a reaction, it's just your way of life. And change starts where you pause before you respond. Change starts when you pause the commotion and the chaos that's going on in your mind about a situation or a circumstance, you pause and you ask yourself, is this going to help me in the short run and in the long run? And if it's not, what thinking patterns will help me not put myself in my past behaviors? That's when you start to change your life. When you start pausing and you start talking to yourself about why you're feeling this way or why you have those thoughts in your head before you respond. Because awareness in the moment is super important. Because it's not enough to catch the behavior or the patterns to recognize it later. You have to catch it while it's happening too. So when you feel your anger rising, when you feel defensive, when you feel the urge to shut down and go to your dark room and pull up your phone and go to and go to Pornhub, when you need control, that's your signal. Not to react, but to pause. And then while you're pausing, you're making a game plan. I know this is not what I want to do because I know where this is going to lead. So what are some other things that I have put in place to change this behavior or to change this pattern? Super important to choose a different response. And I think that's the hardest part because this is a behavior that you've been doing for five, 10, 15, 20 years. It's just automatic. And your old response is comfortable. It feels easy. And your new response is unfamiliar. It's hard. And especially when you're feeling some type of way, you're not trying to work to make things better. You're just trying to feel how you would normally feel in the situation that you've been in hundreds of times. Even if that feeling after you do it makes you feel like crap. So instead of reacting, you respond. Instead of shutting down, you communicate. Instead of blaming, you take ownership. You have to choose something different. It will feel awkward, it will feel like you're not man enough, quote unquote, because you're communicating, you're responding, you're taking ownership of what you did or how you feel in the situation. And then you have to practice because you'll never be perfect. But the more you practice, the stronger you'll get. There will be times you will go back to your automatic way of thinking or your automatic behaviors when a situation happens. But over time, every time you start to call it out, every time you start to respond differently, every time you try to communicate, every time you start to take ownership, there's a new behavior forming. And now, after a couple of months or a couple of years, the behavior has flipped on its head. And now instead of going to what you used to do, you're going to what you do now. And that takes practice. Because you're not going to get it right every time. But that's not the goal. The goal is to progress. Because change is built through repetition, not intention. You have to constantly do it. And it's super important. If you want to change in your life, you have to be disciplined. Because change is discipline. It's doing the right thing when you don't feel like it. It's doing the right thing when it's uncomfortable. It's doing the right thing when it'll be easier not to. And that's where growth is as a man. And there is a gap that most people stay in. And that gap is I know I need to change, but they do nothing to change. So they're stuck in between I'm aware of what I need to do and action. They're right in the middle. And they continue going through that pattern, continue going through that cycle until they start to take action. They start to realize I don't want to hurt people in my life. Or they start to realize I have a problem and I need to put things in place to help me with this problem. Or they start to realize I can't do this on my own. I need my pastor. I need my therapist. I need my counselor. I need people of like minds that I can talk to about what I'm going through when I'm going through this rough patch, or when I'm about to go through a rough patch. It's super important that as a man, you are not afraid to do the work. And doing the work isn't just talking about it. It isn't posting it on social media and Facebook and all these things while still secretly dealing with all these issues. It's not thinking about doing the work. It's when you start to go down a different path. Or when you start to feel like you're losing yourself, you catch it. It's about when you start to when you feel your cycle or that automatic behavior, try to circle back around, you correct it. If when you want to go to your room and lay in your bed and watch porn, you practice something new. And while all doing that, you're staying consistent with catching yourself and correcting yourself and practicing something new. But there's one thing that will help speed up change. And it's looking in the mirror and saying, I need to change. You need accountability. Because by yourself, it's easy to justify why you do what you do. It's easy to fall back into your old habits. But when you're accountable with yourself, it forces consistency. And the hard truth is, if your behavior isn't changing, you're not doing the work. You're just talking about it. So if you want a different life, you have to become a different man. And that doesn't happen through awareness alone, it happens through action. Daily, consistent, uncomfortable action. So if anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You're awesome, you're amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, you get stronger. Y'all have a blessed weekend.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Bye-bye. Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And for daily, motivational, and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember, keep moving forward, never give up, and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.