What If The Thing You Avoid Is You

Avoidance is a sneaky kind of self-sabotage because it feels like relief. We tell ourselves we’re keeping the peace, staying calm, or waiting for a better time, but what we’re really doing is choosing comfort now and paying for it later. In Week 19 of our 24-week series, we get honest about the habit that keeps cycles alive for so many men: ignoring what needs to be faced.

We walk through what avoidance looks like in real life, from refusing a hard conversation to downplaying a serious issue with “it’s not that bad,” to asking for space and never coming back to finish the talk. We also explain why avoidance doesn’t remove the problem, it delays it, and delayed problems grow. That pressure can stack up quietly behind the scenes, hurting your mental health, your marriage, your friendships, and your ability to lead yourself with maturity.

Then we go deeper into the identity side of it. A lot of men avoid because the truth threatens how we see ourselves, or how we think a man “should” be. We talk about building a stronger foundation for identity, including a faith-centered perspective, so facing the truth doesn’t feel like losing yourself. Finally, we lay out practical steps you can take today: address issues early, admit when you’re wrong, sit with discomfort, and ask one life-changing question: what or who am I avoiding right now?

If this hit home, subscribe to Excellence Above Talent, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more men find these conversations.

Transcript

Show Premise And Welcome

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.

The Chain That Grows Heavier

How Avoidance Shows Up Daily

Avoidance In Marriage And Trust

Fear And Identity As A Man

Practical Steps To Face It

Share The Message And Closing

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Week 19 in our 24-week series, slowly grinding it out. Today's episode we're talking about avoidance, the habits that keep you stuck. Most people don't fail because they don't know what to do. They fail because they avoid doing it. Avoidance feels like relief in the moment, but it creates long-term damages. Today we're talking about the one habit that keeps cycles alive, and that is called avoidance. So let's get straight straight to it. Let's get straight to it. Avoidance is one of the most dangerous habits you can have. Not because it looks bad, but because it feels harmless. What avoidance really is, is choosing comfort now at the cost of growth later. Avoidance is not having the hard conversation, ignoring the issues, distracting yourself, telling yourself I'll deal with it later. And later never comes. Avoidance feels good because it feels like a relief. You don't have to face it. You don't have to feel uncomfortable. You don't have to deal with the conflict. You don't have to admit you were wrong. So in the moment, it feels like you're protecting yourself. But the truth is, avoidance doesn't remove the problem, it delays it. And when it comes back, it's usually worse. I use the analogy in my in my class with the guys, and I said it's like you're dragging a problem with a chain behind you. And you turn around and you see maybe you have to have the comp a tough conversation with your wife, or you need to have a tough conversation with yourself about your money issues or your lush problem. But instead of having those conversations, you run, you avoid, you don't deal with it. And while you're running, you're dragging that problem behind you. And that problem starts picking up other problems, and what you're dragging gets bigger and it gets heavier to a point where you really can't move anymore. And when you stop, all those issues, all the avoiding, all the problems that you're still running from now catches up to you and hits you all in the face, all at once. And I think this is a lot of times where men say, I can't do it. It's too much. Because while you're avoiding, you're not having conversations with anybody. While you're avoiding, you're acting like everything's okay and you got everything together. While you're avoiding, it seems and looks like on the outside things are working out and looking great for you. But on the inside, you have created this immense pressure. And a lot of times, because of that pressure, a man will put a gun to his head and pull the trigger. Or fly off the wall and get angry and hurt his wife and kids. Because we as men weren't meant to take all that pressure at once. That's why it's super important to not try to avoid the things that you need to have or to deal with. Because avoidance only creates more problems, more pressures. And through your avoidance, you're not learning how to communicate or deal with stress, deal with your emotions. And so when all that pressure and problems hit you, you react like a kid. And you throw a temper tantrum and you create more chaos, or you just end your life because you feel like you can't deal with all the pressure and pain that you're feeling because of the avoidance. What avoidance looks like in real life, it looks like I don't want to argue. It looks like a man saying it's not that serious. They're trying to downplay the issue because they don't want to deal with the issue. It looks like I'll handle it later. It looks like I just need space without coming back to finish the conversation. They say they need space and then they never come back to deal with it. But avoidance is really fear. It's discomfort, it's the unwillingness to face it. And avoidance keeps your cycle alive because it shows up in your pattern. A problem shows up, you avoid it, temporary relief, problems grow, it shows up again bigger, and now you're dealing with the original issue plus the damage that you bring when you avoid it. And that's how the cycle repeats. We want to create relationships where you can have the conversation, the tough conversations, you can create a space to have the tough conversations, and at the end, they don't feel tough because you've created a space where having tough conversations is normal. But when you don't create that space, avoidance in relationships look like not communicating, shutting down, brushing things off, and acting like everything is fine. Meanwhile, your spouse feels unheard, feels disconnected, and is frustrated. And in that process, the relationship slowly breaks down. The trust slowly breaks down. But let's dig a let's dig a little deeper. A lot of men avoid things because it challenges how they see themselves. If I face this, what would that say about me? So instead of confronting it, they ignore it. But avoiding it doesn't protect your identity, it weakens it. That is why it's super important to know who you are, to not get caught up in what the world says a man should be. Because then you feel like you have to be that person. That's what identifies you. And in the process, you can become lost because that's not who God calls you to be. So it's super important to create your identity in God first before you allow yourself and other people to create that identity for you. Because if they do, they're pulling all the parts that they think they should be, and then pushing that on you. And again, that's might not be who you are. Because avoidance costs you growth, trust, respect, and opportunities. It costs you your potential. If you avoid getting up in the morning and working out, you avoid eating the right things. What's going to happen is you're going to get fat. You're going to have some type of diabetes or a disease that wrecks your body and creates all these negative things. And you're missing out on the opportunity and the potential of who and what you could truly be if you just turn and face the mirror and say, I want to be better. I need to be better. And you start slowly eating correctly and you start slowly working out and you start doing what is right to help you become a better person. Because in the end, that's what it's all about. You're avoiding being the best version of yourself by running from the things you need to confront. Facing yourself is not easy, but it is simple. And all you have to do is have the hard conversations. It might feel awkward. You might get frustrated. But the conversation needs to be had. Admitting you are wrong. Addressing the issue early. When you see it, address it immediately. Don't let it fester. Because the longer you let it fester, the harder, the harder the conversation is going to be. And sometimes you just have to sit in your discomfort. Don't run. Don't walk. Don't try to pick up extra shifts. You have to sit in your discomfort because discomfort is where your growth is. So instead of asking yourself, how do I avoid this? start asking yourself, What do I need to face right now? Who do I need to face right now? This question alone could change your life. If you're feeling stuck today in your life and you don't know why, ask yourself, who or what you're avoiding? Because avoidance is comfort. And if you want to break cycles, you have to stop running from the things that created them. You have to face it, you have to deal with it, you have to grow from it. Because the longer you avoid it, the more control it has over you. This week, stop delaying what you know you need to face. Handle that one thing that you've been running from or not trying to handle and see how your life changes. And if you feel like this episode will help you or will help someone else in your life, like it, subscribe to it, share it. Because these conversations need to be had more. So, if anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You're awesome, you're amazing. You deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, but you get stronger. Y'all have a blessed weekend.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Bye-bye. Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And for daily, motivational, and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at ExcellenceAbove Talent. And remember, keep moving forward, never give up, and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.