What If Obedience Matters More Than Being Understood

We step back from the noise and talk to the man who feels alone, pressured, and unseen while trying to grow into his best self. We break down why chasing approval crushes men’s mental health and why obedience matters more than being understood. 
• taking a reset after a long run of heavy topics 
• recognizing when persuasion stops being productive 
• spotting the hidden cost of chasing validation 
• asking who you are without performance 
• using Joshua and Caleb to contrast fear with faith 
• remembering past wins when fear narrows your focus 
• choosing honesty as the start of healing 
• protecting peace by dropping expectations that are not yours 
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And for daily, motivational, and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellenceabove Talent.

Transcript

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Welcome And The Week Off

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

What's up, my beautiful people? Aaron Thomas with excellence above talent. Take a week off. Uh that series, 24-week series on why men become abusive and ways we can be better. 24 weeks of constant uh content, constant trying to figure out what to talk about. Uh it's it's a lot. And so mentally I just took uh a week off to reset and figure out what's next on my podcast and this series.

Stop Explaining Yourself

SPEAKER_01 1:16

And I was doing some reading, reading the Bible, and specifically uh numbers, and they're talking about how Caleb and Joshua went to the Promised Land with the 10 spies, and two of them came back and said, Let's go take it, and ten of them was like, We can't do it. And so the topic on this podcast is stop explaining yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you. So I want to talk directly to that man who feels like he's walking life alone, that he has no support. His friends don't support him or don't see him, his community might not support him or see him, but there is grace and mercy in the pain that you feel when you're trying to walk and be the best man that you can possibly be. And a lot of men carry responsibilities, they carry pressure, they carry expectations, they carry burdens that no one knows about. And I want to start with the truth. There are times when persuasion is no longer productive. You can't force people to value what God has shown you, you can't force people to understand your growth, you can't force people to understand your healing, you can't force people to understand your vision. And if you're not careful, you'll spend so much time explaining yourself that you'll completely lose

Approval Seeking And Mental Exhaustion

SPEAKER_01 3:05

yourself in the process. And as men, one of the greatest dangers we face is becoming disconnected from who we really are. Not because we're bad men, not because we're weak, but we are constantly performing for everyone else. Men are dying for approval. It's something I feel like we work for, we work hard for. Provider, protector. I go out there and I and I would do anything for my family. Looking for someone to say, hey man, you're doing a good job. Or hey man, I see you. But there are a lot of men who are exhausted. Not from working, not from fatherhood, not from leadership, not from carrying responsibilities. They're exhausted because they constantly seek approval. Approval from family, approval from friends, approval for co-work from co-workers, approval from social media, approval from people who wouldn't trade places with them for a single day. Every time someone questioned their vision, their purpose, or their growth, they feel like they have to defend themselves, explain themselves, convince people, prove themselves. But I'm telling you right now, as a man, that's exhausting. And eventually that need for approval starts to affecting your mental health. Because your peace becomes dependent on people agreeing with you. And that's a very dangerous way to live your life as a man. One of the biggest problems in men's mental health is that many men don't actually know themselves. They know what people expect from them, they know what role that they need to play, they know what mask they need to wear for that day, but they don't know themselves. Who are you when no one is watching? Who are you when you're not performing? Who are you when you're trying to impress people? Because if you don't know yourself, you'll spend your entire life letting other people tell you who you are. You'll let criticism define you, you'll let rejection define you. You'll let other people's opinions determine your work. Knowing yourself creates peace. Knowing yourself creates confidence. Knowing yourself helps you stop chasing validation from people who were never qualified to give it to you. They were never qualified to tell you who you are and

Joshua And Caleb Versus Fear

SPEAKER_01 5:38

what you're going to become and what you should and shouldn't do. I think the best example, the greatest example of this, what we're talking about, is Joshua and Caleb. Think about everything the Israelites have already seen. They watched God send plagues on Egypt. They watched God set them free from slavery. They watched God part the Red Sea. They watched God create a pillar of fire at night and a pillar of clouds in the daytime to lead them. They ate manna from heaven. They received quail when they were hungry. They watched water come from a rock. Over and over and over again, God proves Himself faithful. Yet, when they reached the promised land and saw giants, suddenly all they could see were their obstacles. They didn't see the obstacles that God had brought them through. They just saw the one that was in front of them. A small one. Twelve spies went in into the promised land. Ten came back talking about the problem. Only Joshua and Caleb came back talking about God's promise. And this is the craziest part. The people wanted to stone Joshua and Caleb because they came back to the promised land speaking God's promises. The men speaking faith were almost killed by the people speaking fear. The man reminding everyone of God's faithfulness became the enemy. And if we're honest, that's happening today. When you are trying to grow, heal, lead, or walk in purpose, some people will get angry because you refuse to join their fear. Joshua and Caleb weren't looking at the size of the giants. They were looking at the size of their God. The others forgot what God had already done. And that's what fear does. Fear has a short memory. Fear forgets victories. Fear forgets miracles. Fear forgets prayers that were answered. Fear forgets doors that were opened. Fear forgets how far you have already come. And from the mental health perspective, this matters. And it matters because many men are constantly focusing on the next obstacle while forgetting all the evidence that they've already survived difficult things. You survived heartbreak. You survived failure. You survived divorce. You survived addiction. You survived seasons that should have broken you. And yet, when the next challenge shows up, your mind starts telling you, This one is different. This one is too big. This one is impossible. That's exactly what happened to the Israelites. They had more evidence of God's faithfulness than most of us will ever see. And they still chose fear. So here's the lesson. Sometimes you cannot convince people who have already decided to focus on the giants. Not because there isn't evidence, because the Israelites had evidence. Not because God isn't faithful, because God has been and will always be faithful. They simply chose fear over faith. And some people today do the exact same thing. No matter how much growth they see, no matter how many blessings God provides, no matter how many doors are open, no matter how many miracles they have seen, they will always focus on the obstacle. And if you're not careful, you'll spend years trying to convince people who have already made their decision. At some point, persuasion is no longer productive. And God did not call you to try to convince everyone. Noah wasn't called to convince everyone. Moses wasn't called to convince everyone. Joshua wasn't called to convince everyone. Jesus didn't convince everyone. The assignment was never universal approval. The assignment was obedience. Yet, many men spend years trying to get approval from people who have already decided not to understand them. And the longer you do that, the more exhausted you become, the more anxious you become, the more frustrated you become. Because you're trying to control something that was never meant to be controlled. And this is why I think a lot of men burn out. They burn out because they're carrying things that don't belong to them, other

Obedience Over Universal Approval

SPEAKER_01 10:34

people's perspectives, other people's expectations, other people's opinions, other people's fear, other people's limitations, and eventually it becomes too much. A man can only carry so much weight before he starts to break down. That's why men's mental health matters. Because some men don't realize they're drowning until they're already underwater. And we had a session a couple of weeks back about you cannot heal while performing. And it was a whole podcast on that. So I'm just kind of going I'm gonna go over it, but it's not gonna be in depth. You can go back to the previous podcast and listen to it. But some men are trying to heal while pretending, pretending they're okay, pretending they're not hurt, pretending they're not tired, pretending they don't need help. Healing doesn't start when you pretend, healing starts when you're honest. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm exhausted, I'm struggling, I'm carrying too much, I'm trying to convince people who don't want to understand. That's not weakness, that's awareness. And awareness is where healing begins. One of my favorite things about this story in Numbers, Numbers 14, is what happened afterwards. The ten

Healing Starts With Honesty

SPEAKER_01 11:55

spies disappeared from the story to never be seen or heard of again. But Joshua and Caleb, they kept showing up, they kept walking, they kept trusting, they kept following God, the people who focused on fear disappeared, the people who focused on faith continued into the promise. And that's the lesson. Sometimes the people who spend all their time talking about why something can't happen eventually disappears from the story. While the people who trust God keep moving forward. So to the men or to the men listening today, stop explaining yourself to people committed to miss to misunderstanding you. Stop carrying expectations that don't belong to you. Stop seeking validation from people who cannot give you what only God can give you. Know yourself, protect your peace, take care of your mental health, and remember, not everybody has to see what God showed you. Not everyone has to believe in your vision. Not everyone has to understand your purpose. Your responsibility as a man is not persuasion. Your responsibility is obedience. Keep moving forward, keep growing, keep healing, keep trusting, because the strongest thing a man can do is know who he is when the world disagrees. Take care of your mind, take care of your spirit, and remember, you are never alone

Final Charge And Where To Follow

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in this battle. If anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you, you are awesome, you are amazing, you deserve the best that this world has to offer. Do not quit, do not give up. The world does not get easier, but you get stronger. Y'all have a blessed weekend.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Bye-bye. Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And for daily, motivational, and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellenceabove Talent. And remember, keep moving forward. Never give up, and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.