Men Behind The Mission Pt.4 - The Man Who Showed Up

We finish the Men Behind The Mission series with Abishai, the kind of man who steps forward when nobody else does. We connect his story to men’s mental health and brotherhood, because isolation is not strength and even strong men need support. 
• Abishai as the model of availability over talent 
• David asking for a volunteer and Abishai saying “I’ll go with you” 
• a modern picture of exhaustion and how one text can save a life 
• why isolation feeds shame, addiction, and depression 
• our personal reminder of suicide loss and why staying connected matters 
• David growing tired in battle and needing another man to step in 
• the danger of building identity around never needing help 
• giving people the chance to show up instead of drowning quietly 
• becoming an Abishai through calls, texts, visits, and real questions 
• building a circle before crisis and not confusing followers with friends 
• loyalty with wisdom, discipline, and accountability 
• a three-part challenge: reach out, name your person, stay consistent 
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. 
And for daily, motivational, and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. 

Transcript

Series Recap And The Setup

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You're listening to Excellence Above Talent, a podcast where we have the hard conversations about the lives of men and what leads us to achieve greatness and suffer defeat. Hear from other men's journeys as well, as we all learn and grow together to become inspirations to ourselves and those around us. And now your host, Aaron Thomas.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

What's up, my beautiful people? Aaron Thomas with excellence above talent. We're back, we're back, we're back. Pretty sure I should have recorded a podcast before I left Texas, uh, but I definitely did not do that. And I thought I could record a podcast while traveling to California, and that also didn't work out the way I wanted it to. Uh so it took me about a week to kind of settle in, uh, to kind of get back into some type of routine. And so now we're here. Uh we are part four into the men behind the mission series. So this is the last person we're going to be talking about uh today. But giving you a quick overview about who we talked about so far in this four-week series. Uh, part one, we talked about Beniah. He was the man who chased a lion into a pit on a snowy day. And he taught us that courage does not always wait for the fight to come. Sometimes you as a man need to run towards the thing that you're scared of the most. And as you're running towards that thing, courage will then begin to be built. Uh part two, we talked about Eliezer, and he was a man who stood his ground when everyone else retreated. So he fought until his hands froze on his sword, and he taught us that faithfulness matters more than fame. And that's something that I am working on right now in my life. Uh being faithful. Because when you move to a different place, you don't know people, you have to build, I guess, your brand or yourself back up. Because in Odessa, people knew who I was. Uh, they knew the brand. And in Cali, no one knows who I am, and no one knows the brand. And so being faithful in the waiting process is something that has been kicking my butt. But I'm working through it and working on it. And I think that's the beautiful thing of being a human, of being a man, is if you don't like where you're going, or if you don't like what you see within yourself, you can simply change. Uh, and I say simply like it's easy, but it's not. But if that's really what you want to do and you need to do in order to live your best life, then that's what you're going to have to do. Uh, part three, we talked about Shama. He was a man who stood in the middle of the field of a bean field and defended what everyone else had abandoned. He taught us that the small things God places in our care are still worth protecting. And the last man

Abishai Steps Into Saul’s Camp

SPEAKER_00 3:45

I want to introduce to you today, he's another man of David's mighty uh warriors that David had. And his name is Abishai. He was not a king, he was not a prophet, he was not the man whose name everyone knew, but when David needed someone, Abishai showed up. And I believe showing up is one of the most underrated qualities a man can possess. Not talent, not popularity, not influence, availability. Because your family does not always need the strongest man in the room. Sometimes they simply need the man who is willing to be there. Abishai's verses for this week are in Samuel 26, 6 through 9, 2 Samuel 21, 15 through 7, and in 2 Samuel 23, 18 through 19. So one of the first powerful movements and moments involving Abishai happened in 1 Samuel 26. David was running from King Saul. Saul was trying to kill David. David and his men discovered that Saul and his army are asleep in their camp. And David asked a very dangerous question. Who will go down into the camp with me? And I want you to think about what David is asking his men. He's asking his men, who is willing to walk into the middle of an enemy camp? Who is willing to take that risk with him? Who is willing to stand beside me when there's no guarantee we'll make it back? Abishai responded, I'll go with you. That was the kind of man Abishai was. He did not wait to see who else volunteered. He did not ask what he would receive. He did not ask whether his name would be remembered. He simply said I will go. Some of the greatest men are not the loudest men. They are the ones who step forward when everyone else stepped back. They are the ones who say I'll help, I'll call him, I'll sit with him, I'll pray with him, I'll

One Message That Changes Everything

SPEAKER_00 6:02

go with you. And this could be the same story in 2026. So imagine a man living in 2026. He's married, he has children, he works hard, he handles all of his responsibilities. From the outside he looks dependable, but internally he's exhausted. Bills are piling up, marriage feels distance, his work is draining him. He feels like everyone depends on him, but no one really sees him. One evening he pulls into the driveway, he turns off his engine. He does not get out of his vehicle, he sits there with his head resting against the steering wheel or he doom scrolls on his phone. He's not necessarily trying to die. He's just tired of living the way he has been living. He's tired of pretending, tired of carrying everything, tired of saying I'm good when he's not. And then his phone goes off. It's another man from the church. No long speech, no agenda, just a message. Brother, God put you on my mind today. How are you really doing? The man begins to cry. Not because his situation suddenly changed, but because someone showed up. Sometimes showing up saves a marriage. Sometimes showing up saves a friendship. Sometimes showing up saves a life. If you ever question, can a message or a simple text save someone from doing something quite crazy? Let me tell you right now the answer is yes. If you're going about your day and God put someone on your brain or on your heart just to reach out to, you don't gotta create a long drawn-out message. Just reach out. Hey, I'm checking on you today. How are you? It could help someone who's not in a good mental space snap back into reality. And it also shows that person that might be going through something that someone does care. So if you're thinking about sending a message to someone, send that message. I guarantee you it'll help change their day, if not

Isolation Wears A Respectable Mask

SPEAKER_00 8:12

their life. And I say that to say this strong men still need strong men. Because you can't do this world by yourself as a man. You need other strong men in your corner with a must. And that's one of the biggest lies society has taught men. Will men figure it out alone? But that is not biblical. David had Jonathan. Moses had Aaron and her. Paul had Barnabas, Silas, and Timothy. Jesus sent his disciples out in pairs, never by themselves. Even the strongest leaders in scripture were surrounded by people. Yet many men today have convinced themselves that isolation is strength. It is not. Isolation is where shame grows, where addiction grows, where depression gets louder, where a man begins to believe that no one would care if he disappeared. The enemy loves isolated men. And if you take it a step further, if there is a person, a man or a woman who is trying to inflict maximum damage on their significant other, one of the first things they do is isolate their spouse from family and friends. So no one can see the trauma that they are going through or being put through because they have stopped talking to the people that could see that they were going through something and maybe help them out of it. So think about that. Sometimes you are the abusive person in your own relationship in your life. And one version of you knows that it needs people in order to survive. And the other version, what you try to show the world is you have it all together and you don't need anyone, and you slowly begin to isolate yourself from people and things and places that you love, and in that isolation comes all the negative things that come with it. The depression, the addiction, the the the shame. It all comes with it. So you yourself could be abusive to your own self by trying to isolate yourself, allowing yourself to feel bad about yourself or allowing yourself to be the victim. And in that process, then now you find yourself drinking or doing drugs or watching porn because of the feelings that are being created in you not being connected with the right people. The enemy loves isolated men. God builds men through connection. Brotherhood does not make you weak. Brotherhood helps a man remain standing. One of the real reasons mental health, men's mental health, became personal for me is because one of my army brothers, after the military, life happened. People moved, people started families, found jobs, everybody carrying their own responsibilities. Then one day we lose one of our brothers to suicide. What hurt was that not nobody cared because people did care. The problem was that many of us did not know how much he was hurting. We did not know what was happening beneath the surface. After that loss, a group was created for men from our platoon. More than fifty men, not to relive war stories every day, not to pretend everything was fine, but to remain connected. Now when one of us is struggling, someone calls, someone drives, someone flies, someone checks in, someone shows up. That is brotherhood. Sometimes Abishai is not carrying a spear. Sometimes he's carrying hope. He's carrying a conversation. He's carrying another man until that man can stand again.

When The Giant Slayer Needs Help

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Years later, when David was older, he was still a warrior, he was still a leader, he was still the man who defeated Goliath, but even strong men get tired. In 2 Samuel 21, David becomes exhausted during battle. A Philistine warrior sees his weakness and moves in to kill him. This is David, the giant slayer, the king, the warrior, the leader, the man after God's own heart. And in that moment, David could not save himself. Abishad stepped in. He struck down the Philistine and saved David's life. So I want you to think about that. David needed help. One of the greatest, if not the greatest men in the Bible, David needed help. The man who defeated the giant needed help from another man in a battle. The man who led others needed someone to protect him. If you don't get nothing else on this podcast, please get this. Strong men need support. Because if David needed help, why do you believe you never will? And there is a danger of always being the strong one. A lot of men have built their identity on being the strong one. Everyone can count on me. The provider, protector, the leader, the fixer, the man who never breaks. But the problem is when your identity depends on never needing help, you will hide when you need it the most. So you will suffer in silence. You will lie to people when asking, when they're asking how you're doing. You'll just say I'm fine. Because you don't know how to say. I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed, I'm struggling, I need somebody. Men, needing support does not cancel your strength. Being honest does not make you less of a man. It makes you aware. And awareness is where healing begins. A lot of men say I don't want to be a burden. And I'm in a a place in my life right now that my wife has a job. I have some money coming in. I haven't found a job yet. And my thought process is I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to come out here to California and not work. And sometimes in that process, applying for jobs that I don't even want, or would probably decline if was offered because I don't want to feel like a burden. Right. But it kind of goes back to the faithful. It goes back to the faithfulness I talked about earlier in the podcast. Where I'm not a burden. I'm here for a reason, staying connected, being faithful, doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing while allowing the doors to open that need to open. I can't force myself in those doors. I don't know where those doors are at. I don't know where those places or people are at. But all I can do with my finite manliness is to continue showing up, to continue helping and providing and doing all the things that I was doing in Texas here in California. And when God says move, I'll move. When God says go to that door, I'll go to that door. But sometimes I do find myself in that battle of being faithful to God and not being a burden to others, which is crazy because you're not even being a burden. But because you feel like you're not doing these certain things, then it makes you feel like you're a burden when really you're just faithfully waiting for God while still moving. So a lot of men say I don't want to be a burden to anyone. But I want you to think about what you're really saying. You are deciding for other people that they would not want to help you. You're assuming your pain is too much. You're protecting everyone else from the truth while allowing yourself to drown. And that is not strength. That is isolation wearing a respectable mask. The people who love you would rather receive an uncomfortable phone call than attending your funeral. That's a guarantee. They would rather hear the truth than lose you while believing you were okay. So give people the opportunity to show up for

Find Your Abishai And Become One

SPEAKER_00 16:44

you. So this episode is not only about finding your Abashai, it's also about becoming one too. Stop waiting for someone to ask for help. Call that person, text him, visit him, sit with him. Do not assume that the man who is smiling is okay. Do not assume that the successful man is healthy. Do not assume that your pastor is never tired. Do not assume that your coach or the coaches that are in your life don't need encouragement. Do not assume that the veteran. Do not assume that the veteran has processed every experience that he's gone through. Do not assume that your father knows how to explain what he feels. Do not assume your brother will reach out before it's too late. Be the one who shows up. Ask the question. How are you really doing? Then remain long enough to hear the answer. So who in your life appears strong but may be exhausted? Your father, your brother, pastor, coach, coworker, friend, spouse, who has been carrying responsibilities for everyone else. Who is always helping others, always leading, always smiling? I want you to reach out to that person. Don't wait until tomorrow. Do it right now. One phone call, one text, one cup of coffee, one honest conversation. You may never know how important your presence become in someone else's battle. Because those people are your Davids, and you will be a David to some people and an Abashai to others. Don't make the assumption that because you're David in this role that you're going to be David in all roles. There will be times where you have to reach out and connect. So if you're the David in your life, who is your Abashai? Who can you call when your mind gets dark? Who can you tell the truth to? Who knows your struggles? Who has permission to challenge you? Who will come looking for you when you begin disappearing? And if your answer is nobody, one that is scary and it needs to be fixed immediately. Build your circle before crisis arrives. News flash, crisis will arise. Storms do not schedule appointments. You need men around you before you reach the point of exhaustion. And do not confuse having followers with friends. Do not confuse being known online with being known personally. A thousand people may know who you are. They may know your name while nobody knows your pain. Your goal, one of your goals as a man is to build a real brotherhood. But we should also be honest about Abishai. He was courageous and loyal, but he could also be aggressive. When he entered Saul's camp with David, he wanted to kill Saul. David stopped him. There were other moments when Abishai wanted to use force, but David had to correct him. Abishai was a goon. That matters because loyalty without wisdom can become dangerous. Being willing to fight is not enough. A man must also know when not to fight. Courage needs discipline. Strength needs accountability. Loyalty needs wisdom. Abishai was valuable because he was willing to show up. But even men who show up still need correction. This is another reason why brotherhood matters. We don't only need men who support us, we need men who can tell us you're going too far, you're reacting from anger, that decision is not wise, slow down. A real brother does not only help you fight, sometimes he helps you avoid the wrong fight. Showing up is a form of leadership. In this world we we define leadership by titles. He's a CEO, a pastor, a coach, a director, a father, a husband. But leadership is not only a title. Leadership is presence. It's answering the phone. It's keeping your word. It's being there when someone is exhausted. Remaining loyal when there is nothing to gain. Protecting another person without trying to take their position. Abishai did not save David so he could be king. He saved David because David mattered. That's real brotherhood. Helping another man succeed does not reduce your importance. Supporting another man does not make you less valuable or gay. I don't know why dudes feel that way sometimes. I can't support him. It's gonna make me look weak. It's gonna make me look like I'm trying to get with him. It's a dumb society thing that I don't know. If it's not me and only me, then that's my issue I have to figure out. Um but I do feel like a lot of men don't want to create friendships with other men because it it makes them feel weird. And there's nothing wrong with being gay, but for some odd reason it makes it makes you feel weird. I can't explain it. Um But we also know that we need connection from men, and a lot of times those connections. Are through sports, gaming, things of that nature. But when life really hits you, and you have to really have like those tough conversations, you start to realize that the men that was in your circle were only there for fun, not for life. And I guess that's something that I need to work on myself with being able to create friendships with men and not feel a certain type of way. It could be something I need to go to counseling for to kind of have kind of help me talk through that. Cause now I'm sitting here on this podcast talking about it. I feel like that is something that has stopped me from creating more friendships with men. Hmm. You don't always have to be the star. Sometimes your greatest assignment is helping someone else remain

The Three-Part Challenge And Farewell

SPEAKER_00 22:55

standing. So here's my challenge for you this week. I want you to identify one man who may need you to show up. Don't overthink it. Call him, text him, sit down with him. Ask something deeper than what's up. Ask how is your mind? What's been heavy lately? Are you carrying anything alone? And then listen. Listen, don't try to solve or fix. Just listen. Be present. The second thing I would want you to do is identify who you could contact when you're struggling. Save that number. Have that conversation with him. Tell him, if I begin to pull away, check on me. Give someone permission to reach out to you. And third, I want you to become consistent. A brotherhood is not one emotional conversation. It is repeated presence. Check in again. Follow up. Remember what he told you. Show up after crises, not during it. Abishad reminds us that greatness is not always standing in front. Sometimes greatness is standing beside someone else. Sometimes the most important thing you can do this week would not be earning more money. It will not be gaining more followers, hitting a personal record, receiving recognition. Sometimes the most important thing is you showing up, showing up for your wife, your kids, your brothers, showing up for that man who is always appearing to be strong. And if you're an exhausted man listening today, hear me clearly. You do not have to carry everything alone. You were never designed to. David needed Abishai. You need people too. So I will leave you with two questions. Who needs you to show up and who will you show up for? If anyone hasn't told you today that they love you, let me be the first to say I love you. You're awesome. You're amazing. You are the best that this world has to offer. Do not give up, do not quit. The world does not get easier, but you will get stronger. Y'all have a blessed week.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Bye-bye. Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And for daily, motivational, and up-to-date content, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Excellence Above Talent. And remember, keep moving forward, never give up, and you are never alone in this battle. We'll see you next time.